She’s so strong, my Ashley. She’ll get through this. She’ll hurt at first, but she’ll be okay. She has her mother. They’ll be in basically the same situation. They can comfort each other.

“I can’t do this,” I finally say, nearly choking on the words.

“Do what?”

“This.” I gesture around the kitchen and then to her. “This. Us.”

“Dale, I—”

I shake my head. “No. I know everything you’re going to say. That we love each other. That love is enough. It’s not, Ashley. It’s not.”

She bites her lip. I expect tears, but she holds them back. I wish I had her control.

“We got married in Las Vegas,” I say, trying my level best to sound like I don’t care.

“So? It’s still valid.”

“I know that, but we can get it annulled pretty easily. Vegas weddings are often annulled because people get into them in a drunken stupor.”

“Neither of us was in a drunken stupor, Dale.”

“Ashley, don’t make this harder than it is.”

“Harder? This is hard for you?”

“Of course it’s hard for me. I never wanted to hurt you.”

She crumbles then, right into my arms, her cheek against my chest. “I know what happened, babe. I know everything.”

My arms go numb. “You know…what, exactly?”

She pulls away, meets my gaze. “Your Dad. Ryan. They told me…”

Anger wells in me. I move backward. I can’t be near Ashley right now. I can’t. Because I’m ready to burst, and I can’t burst on her.

“Dale…” Her lips tremble, and her voice cracks.

“If they told you what I think they did,” I say through a clenched jaw, “then you know why I can’t be with you.”

“No.” She gulps. “I love you, and you love me. The past doesn’t matter.”

I rake my fingers through my hair and stare at the ceiling. “How the hell can you say that?”

“Because—”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“It doesn’t matter. It—”

“It does matter, Ashley. It matters because I can’t be what you want me to be. I can’t.”

“I never wanted you to be anything other than who you are,” she says timidly.

“You say that. You may even believe it. But there are things inside me. Things I can’t control. And I don’t want you anywhere near me when they come out.”

She doesn’t reply, but her eyes… Her beautiful blue eyes… They regard me with love and sympathy…and something else.

Something else…

Fear. She’s scared. Just what I don’t want.

Just why this has to end.

But the fear in her eyes gives way to indignance as she whips her hands to her hips and advances on me. “I call bullshit.”

I don’t raise my voice. “It’s not bullshit.”

“It’s bullshit. You could have figured all this out a week ago, before we got married.”

She’s not wrong. “I always knew, Ashley. But I wanted you so much. I wanted to believe I could be happy.”

“You can be.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Because you don’t let me, Dale. You don’t let me in.”

I shake my head, wanting to pull out my hair strand by strand. This is nuts. What made me think I could ever do this? That I could ever have a normal marriage? That I could ever be this happy for more than a few days?

“I don’t let you in for your own good.”

“If you love me, you won’t do this.”

“Because I love you is why I have to do this. Why can’t you see that?”

“No,” she says. “You won’t. You won’t hurt someone you love.”

Oh, how wrong she is. I have hurt the person I love most. Twenty-five years ago, I did just that. I forsook my little brother, and as God is my witness, I won’t do that to Ashley.

I pull myself together as best I can. “My mind’s made up. I’ll contact my lawyer and get the papers moving for an annulment.”

“And if I don’t sign?”

“Then I’ll get it anyway. No one can force me to stay married to you.”

She goes white then, and her lips turn downward.

I’ve never seen this look on her face, and it takes me a minute to assess it.

It’s defeat.

She looks defeated.

Ashley has never looked that way before. She’s always indignant. Always ready to fight. Always bursting with courage.

Not at this moment, though.

“I’ll take care of you,” I say. “All the money you and your mom will ever need.”

“I don’t want your money,” she says, her voice expressionless. “I never wanted it. I’ll pack my things.”

Good. She’ll pack. I’ll get her a room in town and make arrangements for her travel home to LA.

She heads to the bedroom.

I walk to the family room and plunk down into my recliner. Penny jumps into my lap and licks my face.

“Not now, girl.”

My dog means well, but I don’t want her comfort. I don’t deserve her comfort.

I don’t deserve anyone’s comfort.

It starts like any other day. We awake on the cold concrete floor, huddled together for warmth. I take a piss in the bucket in the corner. No one has changed it in a few days, but I got used to the smell long ago.

What choice do I have?

A few minutes later, the door opens. Breakfast, of course. It’s usually bread and water, but today—

“You.” The masked man points to Donny. “Come with me.”

I place myself between my brother and the man. “No. Take me. Whatever you do, you do it to me. Not him.”

“Sorry, big brother.” The man sneers. “Not today. Today we have something special planned.”

“No!” I shout. “Donny, go sit in the corner.”

“I’m taking the little one.” The man punches the side of my head.

My legs give way, and I end up on the cold floor.

“Dale, no!” Donny cries.

I turn to him. “Shut up! Just sit there and don’t say another fucking word!”