Dale

A little over a week ago, I was sitting in a different waiting room at this very hospital.

When my father had a heart attack.

A few days later, he summoned me back here to make a confession.

A confession that he’d sold my brother and me to his criminal uncle for five thousand dollars.

I’ve kept that confession locked inside me. No one knows. Not yet. I vowed never to tell my brother. Why fuck up his life? He’s happy, and I don’t want to destroy that.

I should talk to Aunt Mel.

I should, but already I know I won’t.

Right now, Ashley needs me whole, and if I start bringing all my shit out, I’ll be far from whole.

And it hits me.

Why I married Ashley so quickly and with so little thought.

She keeps me whole.

Oh, I love her. I love her more than I ever thought possible.

But I didn’t marry her for the love I feel for her or the love she feels for me.

I married her for stability. For her to be my rock. I’d already allowed my emotion to rise to the surface, and my love for her, so far, has tamped down the horror inside me.

I can’t lose her.

So I married her.

She sits, now, leaning against me in silence, her eyes sunken and sad. She cried a little. Not a lot. More for her mother than for the man she just met.

I married her to be a rock for me. That was unfair of me, and I need to rectify it, but this isn’t the time.

No, this is the time for me to step up.

I will be a rock for her at this moment.

And then…

After her new stepfather is, hopefully, out of danger, I have some thinking to do.

I haven’t been fair to her.

I married her for the wrong reasons.

I can’t depend on her to keep my emotions at bay. She’s not a miracle worker. I will burst eventually, and I can’t have her anywhere near me when that happens.

I’ll never be truly free, and she deserves so much better.

Willow appears in front of us, seemingly out of nowhere.

How much time has passed? I’m not sure. Time has been in a warp field lately.

Her eyes are red and puffy, her face lined where tears have flowed. Ashley disentangles herself from me and stands to embrace her mother.

They hug for a while until Willow breaks it. “I have to get back to Dennis,” she says. “I wanted to let you know they’re admitting him. We got the MRI results. It’s an ischemic stroke in one of the frontal lobes. He seems to understand, but he can’t speak.”

“Mom, I’m so sorry.”

“He’s so young…”

“I know. He’ll recover. I know he will.”

She nods. “The doctor seems to think he has a good chance of recovery. But we just don’t know yet.”

“I’m not leaving,” Ashley says.

“Yes, you are,” Willow tells her. “You’re newly married, and you need to be with your husband. I’m fine here.”

“We’ll be glad to put you up at a nice hotel,” I say.

“That’s kind of you,” Willow says, “but I’m not leaving Dennis’s side.”

“All right, but the offer stands. Just call us.” I grab Ashley’s hand. “Let’s go home. You need a good night’s sleep.”

“I can’t leave my mother.”

“Dale’s right, sweetie,” Willow says. “Please. Go. I’ll keep you both posted.”

Ashley finally relents.

We drive home.

She’s asleep before we get there.

Ashley’s still asleep when Penny wakes me at eight a.m. My eyes pop open. Is it really this late? We didn’t get home from the hospital until well after midnight, but I usually wake naturally by six.

I rise to take care of Penny, and then I start a pot of coffee, when my phone buzzes.

Hmm. Not a number I recognize.

“Dale Steel.”

“Mr. Steel, good morning. This is Jason Ramsey from Delta County Fire Protection.”

I clear my throat. “Good morning. What can I do for you?”

“We’ve completed our investigation of the fire that destroyed part of your property, and you’re the contact we have listed on file.”

“Strange. It should be my father or uncle, since it’s technically their property.”

“Do you want me to call someone else?”

“No, I can relay the information.”

“We’ve determined the cause of the fire.”

“Lightning?” I ask.

“That’s what we thought at first, but a few things weren’t adding up, so the investigation went further. Looks like a hiker left a campfire burning.”

My stomach drops. “A hiker?”

No need to freak. The fire had already started by the time I left my campsite after the second night. It wasn’t me.

“Yes, sir. About a mile off Hopkins trail.”

My stomach drops again. I was hiking Hopkins trail. And I moved off the trail to camp the first night.

The first night…

Yes, I built a fire.

Yes, I knew the fire danger, but I’m careful. Always careful.

I’ve been camping in these mountains for twenty years.

Always fucking careful.

“You there?” he says.

I gulp. “Yes. I’m here.”

“Apparently a hiker or camper or someone left some embers. It was probably an accident, but there’s no doubt. That’s how the fire began.”

“Do you have the exact location?” I ask robotically, not sure if I actually want to know.

“I can give you GPS coordinates. Sure.”

I say nothing.

“Mr. Steel? You want those coordinates?”

“Text them to me please.” Again in robot tone.

“Will do.”

“Are charges being filed?”

“I doubt it. I’m sure there were lots of campers in the area. How would we narrow it down? Besides, these things are usually accidental.”

“Yes,” I echo. “Accidental. No one wants to burn down a forest.”

“Not usually, and there’s nothing to be done now.”

“Thank you for the information. I’ll relay it to my family.”

“Thank you. Have a good day, Mr. Steel. And we’re all very sorry for the damage to your property.”