Something terrible. Worse than growing up without a home? Worse than going to bed cold and hungry? Worse than… Worse than being raped and left pregnant?

My God, I can’t go there. Not Dale. Not my Dale.

“All I want is to be here for you,” I say softly. “Anything else is up to you.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Dale

Surprising.

Ashley doesn’t ask me to elaborate.

Not that I would, but why doesn’t she ask?

She claims to love me yet doesn’t ask about my background?

Odd.

Do I trust in her love?

Do I trust she had no intention of hooking up with the Texans?

She smiled and jumped off her chair when I showed up. She threw herself into my arms.

Yes, she was happy to see me.

And as usual, I ruined it.

I can’t ruin this anymore. It’s not a matter of trusting Ashley. In my heart, I know she’d never be unfaithful to me. Sure, seeing her between two men who clearly wanted to get into her pants pissed me off, but not because I doubt her.

Because I doubt myself.

I doubt my own ability to make her happy. To be what she deserves. Hell, I don’t just doubt. I fucking know. I know she deserves a hell of a lot better than what I’m capable of giving.

I sigh.

Maybe it’s time to put that to bed.

I trust her, so I need to trust myself.

Give myself the gift that she’s given me. Complete trust.

There’s a reason I haven’t made a bigger commitment, and it’s not because my love for her isn’t enough.

My love for her is infinite. All-consuming. Never-ceasing.

It’s my love for myself that fails.

Ashley called me self-absorbed recently, and she was right.

But self-absorption is far from self-love.

I need less of the former and more of the latter.

It’s time to start now.

Ashley deserves all of me.

And so do I.

But I…

No. I will not go there. Not tonight. Tonight, I’m going to love Ashley enough to love myself.

I cup her soft cheek, thumbing her satin flesh. “I love you.”

“I know,” she says softly. “I love you too.”

“I want to be the man you deserve.”

“You are, Dale. The only one who doesn’t know that is you.”

Amazing how she knows exactly what I’m thinking sometimes.

“I want to take you somewhere tomorrow,” I say.

“Of course. But I need to be back in time for my mother’s wedding. It’ll be sometime in the evening.”

“Of course. We won’t go far.”

“Then it’s a date.” She smiles.

And my love for her triples, quadruples. But how can something quadruple if it’s already infinite?

Then I remember trig class in high school, how some infinities are larger than others. Makes no sense, logically. I was the guy who simply learned the mathematical rules and applied them. I didn’t care whether they made sense.

I get it now. I truly see.

“Can we please go to bed now?” Ashley pleads. “I’ve missed you.”

“You’ve been gone ten hours,” I say.

“A minute is too long to be away from you.” She wraps her arms around my neck. “I wanted you to come with me. Remember?”

I nod. “And here I am.”

“I’m so happy you’re here. I can’t wait for you to meet my mom. But for now…” She eyes the bed, licking her lips.

“It’s late,” I say.

“Very,” she agrees. “Your point is…?”

“I don’t have one.” Then I kiss her.

She parts her lips for me, and I dive between them. My rage has subsided, and now I let the love flow through every cell of my body, let it take me away to the place I’ve only found with Ashley.

Oh, the rage will return. I know myself too well.

But I’m determined to see what Ashley sees in me.

I’m determined to be what she deserves.

I deepen the kiss, hold her close to my body—as close as I can—and even though we’re both fully clothed, the completeness is real, as if we’re already joined physically.

This will work, I think to myself.

I can do this.

I surrender then, in a way I never have.

I let my thoughts go.

I let myself feel.

I let myself simply be.

I allow my emotions to surface. All the way.

I have to accept the dark to embrace the light.

I have to trust myself.

I break the kiss and pull backward a bit, just so I can look into her beautiful blue eyes.

So beautiful, my Ashley. Her light-blond hair falls over her shoulders in a soft curtain. I undress her slowly, relishing each new inch of flesh I expose.

When she stands before me, naked and lovely, I suck in a breath.

“Your turn,” she says softly.

She unbuttons my black shirt, parting the sides and smoothing her hands over my chest. Her touch makes me tremble. Seriously shudder.

My cock is hard as a rock, of course, as it always is around her. How many times have I been determined to make love to her slowly? To love her as she deserves?

But what I crave right now, as she undresses me, is to grab that gorgeous curtain of hair, force her head back, and shove my erect cock into her red mouth. Fuck her mouth good and hard, force her to swallow my come and then flip her over, smack her ass until it’s red as a maraschino cherry, and then take her from behind.

Then that ass…

I’ve never taken a woman’s ass before…

No.

Damn it!

Slow.

Determined to go slow.

Slow.

Slow and sweet. What this woman deserves.

She pushes me down onto the bed and then removes my boots one by one.

And it’s fucking sexy.

No woman has ever removed my boots before.

She peels my socks from my feet and then kneels between my legs to work my belt.

God, my cock is going to burst.

Faster, Ashley. Faster.

But I don’t say it aloud. No. Slowly. Slowly. Going to give her what she deserves.

What she deserves is a hard spanking for sandwiching between those two Texans…

Damn it!

No!

Fuck! How am I supposed to deny my base instincts?