Seth

 

 

 

 

 

My knees are weak. My arms… too heavy for my body to carry, and there’s an emptiness in my stomach that I can’t put a finger on. I can’t do this. I have to stop, but I can’t. I can’t let Don win. Not this time.

 

Olivia, Darryl, and Jackson watch me from his corner… sneering at me like I’m no good. The lot of them are wearing their ‘DON’ shirts, taunting me like we were never a team. I peer over my shoulder, to my corner. The only person in it is Selena, wearing a tight ass ‘SETH’ shirt. Out of everyone dear to me, the only person I have left is fucking Selena? Great. Just great.

 

She puckers her cherry red lips and blows a kiss to me, but I don’t reciprocate. Why the hell would I? I shake my head at her, questioning why she’s blowing kisses at me. Turning my attention back to the cage, I look to Don who’s dancing around the ring, mocking me. He has the crowd chanting ‘Don’ and the sound turns my stomach. Don doesn’t deserve their affection. He isn’t a role model or someone you can look up to. Granted, neither am I, but I’m a better choice, that’s for sure.

 

My entire body hums with newfound motivation and hate. I feel it consuming my body until it’s seeping from my pores. I watch, building up my anger as he flaunts how happy he is. He stole the happiness from me, just like his spot on the MMAC. Nothing he earns has come from hard work. It’s all been stolen.

 

Turning his back to me, Don beckons for Olivia to come closer to him. With a cute smile, she leaves her seat and flattens her sexy red gown with the palms of her hands. She looks good—as usual, but this time it’s not for me. She’s a gorgeous woman practically wrapped up in a big, red bow and I’m not the one who gets to unwrap her. She grips the cage and pulls herself up, leaning her frame against the wire. Don leans in, muttering something I can’t hear. Whatever he says makes Olivia giggle and her glowing, green orbs flick to me. Her eyes stay trained on me as Don leans in. Closer and closer he draws to her perfect mouth, and I remain still, waiting to see if she lets him kiss her.

 

She does.

 

His fucking lips touch hers and she closes her eyes, opening her mouth against his. From there, all I see is red—a red redder than the dress that covers Olivia’s body. I launch forward, moving faster and heavier than a freight train. I growl as I grip his neck, pull him back and punch him square in the face. He falls to the floor with a thud, shaking the whole cage. As he lies on the floor, gripping his face and groaning, I look at Olivia, who glares at me through thin slits and I don’t like the way it makes my heart hurt. Why doesn’t she love me anymore? Why him? I’m screaming the words in my mind, but refuse to voice them.

 

“That’s who you want now?” I demand. “Don-fucking-Russell?”

 

“Yes.” She seethes. “I don’t love you anymore.”

 

I flinch. It’s funny how those five little words can shatter an entire, physical human heart. It’s funny how those five teeny tiny words can make a soft piece of muscle and tissue feel sharp, like razor blades.

 

“…and that’s your fault, not mine,” she adds dejectedly. “I love him.”

 

Not on my fucking watch. I launch forward and grab her fingers, clenching the wire with them. She can’t love anyone else—I won’t let her. “I won’t let you.”

 

“Let me go,” she snaps, snatching her fingers away. “You can’t stop it, Seth.”

 

Oh yeah? “Fucking watch me.”

 

Olivia screams, begging for me to stop as I turn and dive onto Don. I squeeze his hips between my legs so he can’t move and I send my fists raining down on him. I keep going, forcing my knuckles against his face until it’s stained with blood. All I can hear is the sound of flesh on flesh and Olivia screaming in my ear. Below me, Don ceases to move. I pull back one last time, and as I let my fist fly, Don disappears and I connect with the floor. I stare at the empty space underneath me… it’s not even speckled with a single drop of my revenge. I look up to my old team and they’re gone. The entire arena is empty. The only sound I hear is the soft thud of heels on the mat. Panting, I slowly turn my head in the direction of the noise. My entire body tightens when I see Olivia, looking mad as hell, making her way over to me. Tears glisten in her eyes and reflect on her cheeks under the bright light. She stops two feet from me and I peer up at her. She sniffles, wiping away a tear, and my heart recoils into the pit of my stomach.

 

“Why are you doing this to me, Seth?” she demands, her voice loud and stressed. “We’ve been through this. Stop ruining my life!”

 

“I’m ruining your life?”

 

“This isn’t my fault,” she snaps. “You chose Selena.”

 

I shake my head, pleading on my knees. “I’d never choose anyone over you. O, I love you!”

 

Out of nowhere, she slaps me hard across the face. It burns—it fucking stings, but I don’t dare drop my eyes from hers.

 

“You don’t get to say that to me anymore. I’m not yours.”

 

I don’t care that she hit me. I just want her to love me again. I want her to look at me like she used to—touch me like she used to.

 

“You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I’m going to let you be anything but mine,” I tell her. “You’ll always be mine. You know it, I know it.”

 

She raises her hand again, but this time I catch it before she connects and yank her down onto her knees. She slumps into herself, defeated. Tears fall freely down her cheeks as she lifts her hands to cradle my face. “I fucking hate you.”

 

I slide my hands up her arm and onto the cool, petite hands that rest on my cheeks. “You fucking love me.”

 

And just like that, she smashes her mouth to mine. She claws at my body, pulling me as close as physically possible. I miss her… mentally, I have no idea how long she’s been gone and none of this makes sense, but I miss her regardless. I breathe her in. She smells exactly how I remember—like the fruity body wash she uses that I love so damn much.

 

Her tongue collides with mine and she’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted—like Skittles, the blackcurrant ones.

 

My hands fall from hers and I tug at her dress. It has no zippers, no buttons, and no Goddamn ties, so I rip the damn thing clean from her superb body. She gasps into my mouth, but doesn’t dare peel her lips from mine. I don’t care about her dress, all I know is I need her more than anything in the world, and I will have her.

 

I push her onto her back, lowering my body on top of her. The lights above us are bright and warming on the skin. It makes sweat bead between our naked torsos instantly. Olivia desperately pushes at my shorts until my hard cock springs free. Lining myself up, I impatiently thrust into her and the second I feel her soft, velvety tunnel confining me, squeezing me beyond belief, I pull my lips from hers and look into her eyes. A single tear rolls from the corner of her eye and she smiles at me. “I love y—”

 

I gasp and my eyes fly open after a strong surge of arousal makes my entire body shiver. My breath is heavy and quick, filling an otherwise silent room. Another kick of pleasure licks my entire being as I try to get my bearings. I’m spooning Olivia… we’re naked and my erection is right between her legs, pressing against her lips. She’s wet and leaking all over me.

 

“Olivia?” I whisper, rocking her shoulder slightly. No response. “Olivia?” I try again… still nothing.

 

“Seth,” she moans, still drifting around sleep land.

 

I find myself grinning at the fact she wants me even when she’s sleeping and then I catch myself and swallow it back. I don’t want her to think that I purposely put myself there… that’d be extremely awkward and I doubt I’ll be able to smile my way out of that one. I grip her thigh and lift it slightly—enough for me to pull myself away without catching any skin. As I lift her leg, she grips my arm and I freeze—caught in an even more compromising position. Without a word, she pulls her leg free and plants my hand on her hip as she pushes back into me.

 

“Stay like this,” she murmurs. “I like it.”

 

She snuggles into me and instantly falls back asleep, leaving me to stare into the darkness. There are worse sleeping positions, I suppose. I close my eyes, trying not to focus on how hard I am, how warm she is, or my nightmare. The first two I manage to block out, but the last… I can’t.

 

That was it.

 

My first guilty dream about what I did behind Olivia’s back. It was a nightmare to rival any nightmare… because there’s a possibility it’ll come true. There’s a possibility that she’ll hate me… that she’ll leave me. I pull her even closer. She can’t leave me, I won’t let her.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

I’m up bright and early. God knows why, I barely slept last night thanks to my horrific nightmare. Why can’t I dream about being stabbed or shot? Hell, I’ll even take falling from a seventy story building over Olivia being with Don. That shit is mentally scarring and I shudder at the recollection.

 

“You ready, Seth?” Darryl asks over his shoulder from the driver’s seat.

 

Olivia squeezes my hand and rests her head on my shoulder. Every movement she makes eases the anxiety that constricts my chest. It eases the effects of last night.

 

“I’m more than ready,” I reply, forcing more confidence than necessary in my voice.

 

“Too bad we have to see Don’s face so early in the morning,” Jackson says, sticking a leg up on the dashboard and making Selena giggle. “It would’ve been a perfect day, otherwise.”

 

I smirk and Darryl slaps down Jackson’s leg. “What’s the matter with you, boy? Your parents didn’t teach you any manners?”

 

Jackson looks back at us, grinning. He loves to mess with Darryl and he does it whenever he can. Like the photo he took of Darryl passed out in the cab after our not so awesome visit to the Spearmint Rhino a little while back. He sent it in a text to all of the contacts on his and Darryl’s phones. Now, Darryl watches how many drinks he has around Jackson and I don’t blame him. Once at a beach party in Newport, I passed out and Jackson dragged me right to the edge of the ocean. As the tide came in and the waves rolled up, I got soaked, losing both my cell phone and my wallet. Screw sleeping when Jackson’s around.

 

We roll slowly through the parking lot of the official MMAC building. It looks all grey and cold. At the very front, underneath the massive red and black ‘MMAC’ sign is their slogan: ‘Be strong. Be smart. Be great.’ It makes me cringe. I hate that such a meaningful thing is being used by people who don’t understand the meaning of it, and I hate that a company that I used to hold in such high esteem isn’t the company I thought it was. It doesn’t matter anymore, I suppose. Once I’m done with Don, I’m finished with the company and I’m going to take their pretty little lie of a slogan and use it for myself. ‘Be stronger. Be Smarter. Be Greater.’ Yep. That’ll look real nice on a billboard on top of my gym. I’m not going to take the high road, either. I choose to take their slogan as a reminder that I am stronger, smarter and greater than them. I’m better than them—better than their entire company, and I can’t believe I gave everything I had to train and learn how to make it into their world. Since being with the MMAC, not once have I been happy. They’ve crushed my soul… taken away my passion to fight for them. We don’t realize that the thought of something is often nicer than the reality. On T.V. and in interviews, Matt Somers looks like a nice guy who drops the ‘f’ bomb too often, but behind closed doors, he’s a fucking shark at the head of a multi-million dollar franchise. Our passion as fighters fuels his career. Without us, he doesn’t have a job, but without him, neither do we. I’ve thought it through quite thoroughly. Instead of relying on each other and treating each other as mutual business partners, Matt Somers treats us like Goddamn show ponies—like fucking dogs. He rubs money in our faces and lets us off our leash to find more and bring it back to him, submitting at his feet. No matter how I think it through—positively or negatively—I always come to the same conclusion.

 

Fuck the MMAC.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

The room is silent. No one makes a sound. Instead, they watch Don’s weigh in on a mute T.V. I don’t look. I don’t think I can stomach seeing his face this early in the morning—especially after the dream I had. As ridiculous as it sounds, I want him to pay for my nightmare. I want to blame him for it, beat him until he apologizes…what the hell is wrong with me?

 

I lift my eyes from the floor and glance around the plain room. It’s empty, filled only with a sink, a bench, a couple of chairs and a tiny speaker in the corner of the room. Matt Somers has put on a full show for everyone today. The conference room at the back of the building is packed to the rafters—filled with eager reporters and fans. One after the other he wants us to go out and he wants us to put on a show.

 

“He’s right on weight,” Darryl tells me and I nod, still avoiding the screen. “Did you weigh yourself this morning?”

 

“I’ll be fine,” I tell him. Darryl worries about my weigh-ins, he always has, even though I usually follow his regime down to a ‘T’, excluding his sex rule, obviously.

 

“Seth, you’re up,” a husky, female voice announces through the speaker box. Darryl jumps to his feet quicker than any of us and opens the door. I stand up, straighten my shirt, and grab Olivia’s hand when she brushes past me. I squeeze it tightly, keeping her strapped to my side. Her fingers tighten around mine and she rests her other hand on my forearm. When I peer down at her and she smiles up at me, I’m ready to leave the room.

 

The corridor is long and empty and there are no colors, only dull shades—depressing dull shades. I hear shoes connect quickly with hard concrete and echo in my head. In the distance, I can just make out Matt’s voice beaming through a microphone as he tells the crowd about the history behind Don and I. Over and over he repeats how much we hate each other, and I can almost feel the crackle of excitement penetrate the walls and crash into me. As I draw closer to the doors, adrenaline builds, making my veins fill thick and my head spin. It’s a feeling I’ll miss once I quit.

 

I stop as Darryl and Jackson step in front and push the doors open. The semi-large crowd cheers, the sound causing goosebumps to erupt over the back of my neck and spread over my cranium. My gaze settles onto the banner hanging behind the stage. It’s of Don and I. My photo is an old one—from when I first signed with the MMAC, and the memory makes me grimace. I move quickly, making my way to the stage in front of me. Olivia keeps up with me, taking longer strides to match mine. As I round the front of the stage, she gives me one last squeeze of reassurance and lets go of my hand. I let her finger slip from mine as she stops and I keep going, angling my head down to avoid camera flashes that go off from every direction. Jackson and Darryl are close behind me, and once I’m up the stairs and on the stage, I waste no time. I yank my shirt off over my head and toss it at Jackson. One by one I kick off my shoes and pull off my socks. The air conditioning billowing out of the vent above me is cold on my skin and I quickly step out from underneath it as I pop the button to my jeans. I ignore the wolf whistles as I drag my jeans down my legs and kick them into a heap on the floor. I glance down at my tight, blue shorts. They make me feel more feminine than I like, but it’s these or go naked, and today, I’m not in the mood to show the whole world my junk.

 

I make my way to the scale—toward Matt and Don. I look at Matt first, who stands proudly in his expensive black suit, smiling at me like I’m his favorite person on the planet. I give him a subtle nod before looking at Don who, to my surprise, has no cockiness in his face anymore. His brows are furrowed, his eyes dark and punishing. He’s taking this seriously? For once in his life he means business? I smirk at him. Finally.

 

I step onto the scale and keep my eyes down as it teeters between okay and overweight. One kilo difference is all I have. When the commissioners stop tapping the bar, it sits square on one hundred and ninety pounds. That’s an all right number for a light heavyweight fighter and I didn’t even have to get naked. The crowd erupts again and more photos ensue. After I stand there for my allocated fifty extra seconds, I step off and stroll back to Darryl and Jackson, who hand me clothes. I manage to only slip on my jeans before Matt grabs my arm, making me drop my shirt on the floor. He leads me back over to the Don’s side.

 

“Photos, really?” I complain under my breath, but Matt ignores me.

 

The photo op… the one thing I wanted to avoid more than Don himself.

 

I stop directly in front of Don and bring my fists up. He follows my lead, bringing up his own gigantic hands. Our faces are only six inches apart and I grin at him as his big, brute face contorts into a sneer.

 

“She doesn’t know, does she?” he mutters and my whole body tenses, my grin falling from my face.

 

“Who doesn’t know?” Matt chimes in.

 

I flick my stare to him, smiling politely for the cameras. Realization lights up his face and he beams at me. “Olivia doesn’t know what you did? Fucking hell, you better pray she doesn’t find out.”

 

“Whether she knows or not is none of your fucking business,” I growl, inching closer to him. My fingers twitch with the urge to drive my fists into his stomach—the both of them. But I don’t. If I act out, it’ll only draw more attention and more questions. I can’t risk Olivia finding out before I tell her. I have to be the one to tell her. I have a better chance at redemption that way.

 

“It’d be a shame if someone were to tell her,” Don says, and without thought… I react.

 

I shove his chest so hard I hear air being forced from his lungs. He stumbles backwards two steps before growling and launching forward. I plant my feet and brace for impact, but Matt Somers quickly throws himself in Don’s path, pressing his hands flat against Don’s stomach. Don stops immediately, having no balls to push through his employer. If it were me, I’d have flattened Matt Somers where he stood. That’s the difference between Don and I. I do what I want and he does what he’s told. A firm slap on my back tells me Jackson is close by in case anything goes down. Not that I need his help to destroy either of the men before me.

 

“Tension is good, fighting is bad,” Matt barks at me. He looks at Don. “Grab the rest of your clothes and get the hell out.”

 

I watch as Don’s coach hands him his shirt and he slips it on over his head. He waves to the cheering crowd before disembarking from the stage. I keep my eyes on him as he strolls along the front, chatting to people as he passes. Matt is in my ear, chastising me for something, but I choose not to hear him. All of my attention is on Don, who draws closer and closer to Olivia. I relax a little as he steps past her without a glance in her direction until a reporter calls him out and pulls him back so he’s standing right next to her. She folds her arms and inches away from him—so does Selena. He doesn’t notice Selena at first, until Selena takes Olivia by the arm and tries to get her to move. It’s then I see the huge smile spread over Don’s lips. I turn and push through Jackson and Darryl to make my way over to them.

 

“Seth?” I hear Darryl call, but I keep moving.

 

I watch and walk as Don casually fishes his phone from his pocket while he chats to the reporter. From her document bag, the female reporter –with the long black hair and big eyes only for Don—produces a newspaper.

 

“Don!” I shout, thundering down the stairs. His lips twitch, but he doesn’t look at me. He hands the newspaper to Olivia and I already know what’s on the front page. She reaches out for it, but Selena snatches it out of the way, screwing it up against her chest. Olivia frowns at her and then at me before rolling her eyes at Don. As she turns away, Don grabs her arm and pulls her back in, shoving his phone in her face. I glare at his flesh on hers and I feel sick to my stomach. She watches whatever is on the screen and all of her features draw together. I stop a few feet out from them and Selena slowly backs away, nervously twisting the newspaper in her hands. The entire minute she watches the video on the screen feels like an eternity. Every time she flinches or cringes, my heart squeezes in my chest… and then finally her green eyes flick to mine and I see her heart break.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

Olivia

 

 

 

 

 

I take Don’s phone in my hands and continue to watch the video. I can’t let Don get one over me. I won’t. I fake a smile that threatens to break my foundations. Seth didn’t have sex with anyone else… but he kissed a random girl and shared a kiss—two kisses—with Selena? My chest tightens a little bit more. Seth looks at me, his face void of any emotion and for the first time in a very long time, I want to punch him in his beautiful, betraying mouth. I clear my throat and look at Don, who smiles cruelly down at me.

 

“You think I didn’t know about this?” I lie, feeling my soul being crushed deep inside me. “Of course I know.”

 

The faltering smile on Don’s face is the only thing that keeps me level headed. I glance at Selena and Seth and the sight of them and their wide, scared eyes grip my heart. How could they? How could Selena not tell me?

 

“I knew, right?”

 

They both nod, never taking their eyes from mine.

 

“Right,” Seth states, his sorrowful eyes finally dropping to the floor.

 

I let Don’s phone slip from my fingers and it smashes against the concrete, covering my low pink heels in pieces of plastic and glass.

 

“Oops,” I smile, turning and heading towards the corridor.

 

I need to get out of here. If I don’t, I think I’m going to cry in front of all these people—in front of Don—and look as stupid as I feel. As I march, I press my tongue to the roof of my mouth to stop the familiar feeling, the feeling of the impending burst of tears. I expected something like this from Seth, I knew the thing he was going to tell me had to be something like this… but I had no idea it would involve Selena. I think that’s what hurts me the most. She’s my best friend, the girl who used to tell me everything. The girl who accidentally told Blade I wasn’t dating Seth when I told him I was, the girl who told my mother I was pregnant without my permission, and the girl who tells everybody about my private life, but can’t confess to something as serious as making out with my husband. Have we really drifted that far apart? I feel like I don’t even know her anymore, and after this, can I really call her my best friend? A best friend would have told me the second it happened—and so would a husband—but at least Seth promised to tell me.

 

I push open the door to Seth’s room and slam it behind me. When I’m alone inside, it all crashes down on me and I have no fucking idea what to do. I want my dad… I want my dad to hold me and tell me that it’s going to be all right—that it’s all part of the MMAC and that it’s nothing to get so worked up about. While I was throwing up all alone, Seth was at the Aria casino making out with Selena to get to Don. No wonder the two have been tense the past week, they’ve been keeping a secret from me. I crouch low, covering my face with my hands… but I can’t cry. I feel like crying, but the tears refuse to fall. I feel broken and betrayed, but my body refuses to cry. It’s familiar with this feeling and I’ve trained myself not to make a big deal out of these situations. Is that how fucked up I am? I’ve been betrayed so many times I can’t even cry about it? I jump as the door opens and Seth steps in, quickly shutting the door behind him and locking it. He gives me a pointed look. One that says; ‘I’m not going to let you leave me.’ I see his intense brown eyes first and my heart stutters. Stupid girl. You’ve forgiven him already. I ignore the reasonable words floating around my skull and stand up straight. Seth eyes me curiously, visibly wondering why I’m not crying.

 

I laugh once, nervously, and he cringes. “So… Selena, huh? I can’t say I saw that coming.”

 

“I know how it looks, but I had to do something on a large scale to get Matt to leave me alone. I did it for us so we could be together in peace.”

 

“Together in peace?” I scoff. “I can’t say I’ve heard that excuse before.”

 

He takes forceful steps forward, forcing me back until I’m pressed hard against the wall. His strong arms lean against the concrete on either side of my head and his knee nudges between my legs. “It’s not an excuse. I make no excuses for what I did.”

 

“But you want forgiveness?”

 

“To ask for forgiveness for something I chose to do behind your back would be selfish of me. If I wanted you to be okay with it, I would have asked your permission before it went down. I don’t want you to ever forgive me for what I did.”

 

But I do already… “Forgiving you is easy, Seth. I forgave you the second I saw the clip.”

 

He frowns and I continue.

 

“You want to know what the worst part of this is for me?”

 

Seth nods. “Tell me so I can fix it.”

 

“I want to cry, but I can’t. I can feel it building and constricting my throat, but nothing is happening. My body is registering this as a normal occurrence. It’s almost unfazed by this entire situation.”

 

“Maybe your body knows what I did was business… maybe your heart knows you still have me.”

 

“Maybe my heart is a fucking idiot.” I exhale, closing my eyes for a long second. “What am I supposed to do? What do you want?”

 

“What I’ve always wanted… just you.” He kisses the corner of my mouth. “I wanted you the second I saw you, I wanted you the night you threw yourself at me, I wanted you when I asked you to marry me and I’ve wanted you every second since.”

 

I’m hooked on his words, a mesmerized little girl hanging off every sweet, sugary word that falls from his pink lips.

 

“Even when you—”

 

“Especially then.” He cuts me off, hearing my words before I speak them. “I wanted you more than ever that day. I wanted to tell you—and I was going to when I got home, but you told me you were pregnant and it all seemed to escalate so quickly. I flipped out. I shouldn’t have, but I did.” His hands slide from the concrete and grip my face. He leaves no room for me to move my head. “It felt mechanical, Olivia. I felt nothing when I kissed those girls.” Seth pushes his hands up my face and into my hair. He pulls on it and my breath hitches in my throat. “You know I prefer brunettes and your rack is much better than both of theirs combined.”

 

Despite his obnoxiousness, I giggle and press my hands against his tight stomach. Cutting the giggle short, I swallow it deep. This isn’t about whether he’s more attracted to me than anyone else. This isn’t even about what I have and they don’t. This is about respect and love… This is about trusting one another and always telling the truth—no matter what. I need reassurance that Seth holds what we have above everything else.

 

“I’m going to quit all of this, O. For you. For us.” He lowers his hands and presses them gingerly against my belly. “I’d never want to intentionally jeopardize this. You and the baby are my life now. I don’t care about anything else.”

 

“Let’s say we manage to move on from this… where do we go from here?”

 

His lips twitch, warming my heart. “Anywhere you want. I hear Paris is beautiful this time of year.”

 

I laugh and he presses his forehead to mine. It occurs to me then that just like that, he wins the fight. And as my mom always says; if someone can bring light into a dark situation, never let them go.

 

“Tahiti?” I ask. “I prefer pineapples to snails.”

 

Seth chuckles and nods as he presses his mouth to my cheek. “Done.”

 

Finally, I lift my arms and wrap them around him. He doesn’t feel different. My entire body relaxes into him at the realization. I was worried if I touched him, he wouldn’t feel like mine anymore. I pull him harder against me. He feels the same. He still feels like mine.

 

He drops his head, tucking his face into my hair. His breath warms my ear and travels each strand of hair on my head, making me feel dizzy.

 

“I love you, baby. Only you, forever,” he whispers, kissing my earlobe. “Forever, only you.”

 

He holds me still and we don’t talk. He doesn’t squeeze me tighter or loosen his grip. We just exist, appreciating the fact that (quite quickly) we’ve come out the other end of something that destroys relationships. There’s no internal struggle between ‘yes’ and ‘no’. I forgive him—and forgiving someone isn’t about being stupid or weak. I learned that with Blade. To put things behind you and forgive someone for hurting you is strength in its rawest form. Forgiving someone is something not everyone can do and I know that for a fact. Not everyone has the strength to let themselves be happy—to give something a second shot. A lot of people say they don’t make the same mistakes twice, but if you fall off your bike you get back on it, don’t you? You better yourself, you wear in the bike until you find your groove even though you know you’re going to fall off again. It might not be today or next week, but eventually you will and you know in your heart that you’re still going to ride it.

 

The one thing I took from my relationship with Blade was the experience. Without that particular experience, I wouldn’t be able to see that what Seth did wasn’t so bad. Cheating is getting a reward for something by dishonest means or finding an easy way out of an unpleasant situation. Seth didn’t choose an easy way out of his situation with Matt. Seth took the hard road, knowing very well that it could hurt me. In order to make Vegas better for me, he had to make it worse for himself—and what’s a kiss you can’t put your heart into, anyway?

 

After a few small eternities, he releases me and takes my hand in his. He tugs me towards the door. “Let me take you somewhere, just us.”

 

I dig my feet in. “Okay, but answer me one question first.”

 

“Anything.”

 

“Was Selena ever going to tell me?”

 

The answer Seth provides will tell me everything I need to know about our friendship and what it has dwindled to. Seth drops my hand, running his own over his face and I hold my breath as his dark eyes flick over me. “She asked me not to tell you, but she was scared, Olivia.”

 

His words crack through my block as my vision blurs. “She asked you…” I inhale and chew my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. “Not to tell me?”

 

This time I know it… I can feel it clog my throat and force my jaw to clench irregularly. I’m going to cry.

 

“Fuck, O.” Seth sighs, his voice filled with pain and compassion. “Don’t cry.”

 

He circles me with his strong arms as the dams break and I sob. He crushes me against his torso and pats my hair as I soak the chest of his shirt.

 

My own best friend…

 

I don’t get it—I don’t get her anymore. Before I met Seth I couldn’t get her to shut up and now talking to her is like trying to jam a crowbar in a chest welded shut. As friends, where do we go from here? What’s the value in a best friend you can’t talk freely with? What’s that value of a best friend that listens and shares all of your secrets, but refuses to spill theirs? So many questions circle my head—each pushing me closer to what I’m certain is the end of the world. Am I over-exaggerating? Are my hormones out of control already? I’m only eleven weeks. I drag in a shaky breath, hold it, and then expel it. I push off of Seth and swipe the back of my hands under my eyes, collecting the tears I’m suddenly embarrassed for spilling.

 

“Can we go?” I sniffle, raking my fingers through my hair. I know I have to talk to Selena at some point, but not today.

 

“Sure, I’ll let Darryl know—”

 

“No. I don’t want to see any of them right now. I just want to get out and go somewhere… anywhere.”

 

He nods imperceptibly. “All right. I know a place.”

 

He takes my hand in his again and pulls me towards the door. I don’t want him to open it because I know exactly what’s on the other side and at the moment, I don’t want to see Jackson, Selena, or Darryl. The door opens with a creak and sure enough… there they all stand, looking sullen and regretful. It’s hard to grasp the concept that they all look like that because they kept something from me.

 

Selena frees her hands from her skirt pockets and steps towards me. She opens her mouth, but Jackson snags her wrist, pulling her back. She looks at him and he shakes his head, silently telling her to let me leave. Her sad, green stare comes back to me and I quickly shift mine to the door at the end of the corridor. I ignore the silence and focus on Seth’s thumb that soothingly strokes my wrist. It’s the only thing keeping me from falling apart and demanding an explanation from her—from all of them, really. I get that Jackson and Darryl are loyal to Seth, but what about me? What happened to doing what’s right?

 

“You know you have to talk to them sometime,” Seth mumbles as we walk down the narrow hall, towards the emergency exit.

 

I guess we’re taking the emergency exit so the fans and reporters don’t see us. I doubt my puffy eyes and runny nose will look good. I cringe at all of the stories that could spin from it and how happy they’ll make Don.

 

“And I will…” I mutter. “Just not here. Not today.”

 

Outside, Seth hails a cab and when it pulls over, I climb inside.

 

“The Bellagio,” he tells the driver as he wraps his arms around me and holds me close. The Bellagio will do—anywhere will do as long as it’s not here or my hotel room. Seth’s scent envelops me and I feel better, so I close my eyes.

 

We ride in the taxi for less than twenty minutes, and when I open my eyes, we’re right in front of the Bellagio. My lips stretch across my face as I smile, unable to contain my excitement. This whole time we’ve been in Vegas, Seth promised me we could go and see the fountain show. I’d prefer to see it at night when it’s all lit up, but this is better than nothing and it’ll definitely do the trick and get my mind off things. Seth pays the driver, opens the door, and slides out of the taxi. He extends his hand to me and I take it, squeezing it too eagerly.

 

“I know you wanted to see it, but we haven’t been able to go out.”

 

When my feet hit the ground, I start towards the fountain, moving as quickly as my feet will take me as I pull Seth along beside me. No jets of water shoot up into the sky, so I’m certain the next show is going to start any minute now and I don’t want to miss a single second of it. I’m stopped short as Seth tugs me, veering off to the left. I pout as he pulls me in the opposite direction of the fountain.

 

“Easy, water bug.” He chuckles. “Let’s enjoy the show with some ice cream.”

 

Ice cream. The only thing that sounds better than the shooting water. We stop at a small soft serve machine manned by a teenage boy. I zero in on the massive holes in his ears, stretched open by a perfect circle of metal. If I close one eye, I can see a lady behind him fishing for something out of her handbag.

 

“They’re called stretchers,” Seth says, making me jump.

 

I glance between Seth and the boy. Both are looking at me like I’m crazy.

 

“Would you like one?”

 

I slap Seth’s arm. “Oh, God no. They’re disgust—” The boys bushy, black eyebrows pull together. “—ingly unique.”

 

Seth chuckles, nudging me with his shoulder. “Pick a flavor.”

 

Their range isn’t much and by not much, I mean strawberry or chocolate. Those are my options.

 

“Straw—”

 

Seth touches my shoulder, cutting me off.

 

“Is it pasteurized?” he asks the ice cream boy in such a cute, concerned tone and it makes me smile stupidly at him.

 

The young kid at the ice cream stand shrugs and tosses his head, flicking his long, black fringe to the side. “I don’t know what that means.”

 

“You work with ice cream…” Seth towers over the counter, peering around in the boy’s limited space. The boy, Tom, going off of his nametag, swallows hard. “Aren’t you supposed to have an ingredients list?”

 

Tom takes in Seth’s tall, strong body and shakes his head. “I-I don’t know.”

 

“Where’s your manager? Would he know?”

 

“Seth,” I start, and he presses his fingers to my lips, stopping me. I swat him away.

 

“I don’t know,” Tom answers again.

 

“Do you know anything?” Seth growls. “Anything at all?”

 

I hook my elbow around his and try to pull him away. Of course, it’d be much easier if he didn’t weigh the same as a small to medium sized boulder. “I’ll take one strawberry and one chocolate, but if she gets sick, I’m coming back for you.”

 

With a scared nod, Tom fills two waffle cones, one with chocolate and one with strawberry. Seth hands me mine, but keeps his eyes on the boy. “You sell ice cream, know your product.”

 

“Will you relax?” I tell him, unable to keep from laughing. I push Seth away from the terrified boy at the stand.

 

“Relax? I’m looking out for you. I don’t want you to get Listerine.”

 

Listerine? I snort loudly and cover my face as my cheeks turn warm.

 

“What?” he demands, pulling my hand away from my mouth. I lean back, laughing as loud as I can. My stomach cramps, threatening to tear apart. “Listerine? Did you just say Listerine?”

 

“Yes,” he laughs. “Why’s that so funny?”

 

“I think you mean Listeria. I can get Listeria.”

 

He rolls his eyes and I watch as he brings his chocolate ice cream to his mouth before closing his lips around it. Why can’t I look as good as him when I eat ice cream? “I’m just looking out for you.”

 

I smile. “I know.” And it feels good.

 

We walk back to the fountain and find a nice front row seat along the wall and wait for the fountain show. It’s funny how half an hour ago I was crying my eyes out and now, I’m the happiest I’ve been in weeks. Seth and ice cream—together, the two work like magic.

 

I get a quarter of the way through my ice cream when Seth asks me if I want to talk about Selena and my reaction to her keeping it from me. I shrug and lick my ice cream, trying my hardest to appear unbothered. “We’ve never had a fight before…” I tell him, thinking back on my childhood. “Not one that mattered, anyway. I always thought she’d have my back—like I do hers. I don’t know… the fact we don’t share what we used to made me cry today. I guess Mom was right when she said ‘Your friends can attend your wedding, but you can’t expect to bring them into your marriage.’ It doesn’t work.”

 

“Selena is different now, Jackson has changed her. He’s an intense guy… there’s no way Selena would betray him by telling you all of his secrets. Jackson has taught her the importance of secrets—the importance of having someone’s trust.”

 

I peer up at him, unimpressed. I’m not sure if I should be offended or humbled that he’s trying to defend her. “She told my mother I was pregnant.”

 

“I never said she was perfect, but she’s beginning to understand it.”

 

I don’t know… changing for someone just doesn’t sound right to me.

 

“The way I see it is, every person we meet we absorb, altering our personalities a little bit. You can’t expect to remain the same. Can you imagine if I was the same guy I was back when we met? There’s no way you would’ve married me and I’ll bet our entire savings on it,” he says, like he read my thoughts.

 

“I would’ve married you no matter what,” I tell him and he cocks an eyebrow. “It just would’ve taken a lot longer for you to get a yes out of me.”

 

Seth laughs his alluring laugh and the first lot of water sprays up into the air. Classical music begins to play—nothing I’ll ever be able to identify—and I lean closer as white jets of water fill the sky, stretching from one end of the pool to the other. More high bursts shoot fast, followed by shorter streams and then even smaller streams that twist around each other. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful… I can only imagine how amazing the illumined jets look against a licorice sky.

 

A few minutes in I become acutely aware of Seth’s presence—how close he is sitting. I can feel his eyes on my face as he ignores the show in front of us. Slowly, I peek sideways at him. The first thing I notice are his lips, they’re curved ever so slightly—a teasing almost smile. Under his stare, I feel my cheeks warm and I quickly turn my attention back to the show, eating more of my ice cream. It melts on my tongue—tasting more like a frozen yogurt than ice cream.

 

More minutes pass, more jets of water are shot into the sky in time with the beautiful music, but eventually, it all stops. I stare at the now motionless water as people around me clap and cheer. I pinch the edge of my waffle cone and snap a small piece off. As I put it in my mouth, Seth taps my knee and minutely flicks his head towards something over my shoulder. Sure enough, Selena stands ten feet away with her hands stuffed into her pockets. Her usually prefect curls sag and hang lifelessly around her shoulder, faint, black rings of smudged makeup darkens her tired eyes and mascara stains the collar of her pretty, white blouse. I hate seeing her so upset, but what does she want me to do? I can talk, but can she?

 

“You should talk to her,” Seth says. “If she means a lot to you, something so small wouldn’t be worth throwing a lifetime of memories away.”

 

“What would you do?” I ask, my voice laced with hesitation. “If Jackson and I kissed?”

 

His bright chocolate irises darken along with the subtle curve in his lips. “You and I are two very different people… if Jackson kissed you like I kissed Selena, I’d kill him.”

 

I slump into myself. Right, Seth logic. I forget it doesn’t usually make sense.

 

“Go talk to her, O. I’ll wait here.”

 

I hand him my ice cream and push off of the smooth stone I was sitting on. Selena uneasily shifts her weight onto her left leg, catching her lip between her teeth as I stalk towards her. I stop within three feet and fold my arms. I’m not going to talk first. It’s her time to talk.

 

“I had Darryl follow your taxi,” she murmurs, closing one eye and using her hand to shield herself from the sun.

 

“Stalking and lying. Who knew you had it in you?”

 

She flinches and I hate that I sound so bitter. This is your best friend… not your enemy.

 

“Olivia, please.” She nudges closer. “Seth said he was going to tell you so I let him handle it.”

 

I shake my head. “I know you didn’t want him to tell me.” My throat constricts and I swallow hard to clear it. “It’s like I don’t know you anymore.”

 

Tears spring to her eyes as her face pinches together. She averts her eyes to the fountain. “I don’t even know who I am anymore, O. I barely recognize myself and I’m drowning here. I don’t know how to stop it.” She abruptly swipes angry tears from her cheeks. “What I did was shitty, I know that, but please, O. I—”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” That’s all I want to know. If she can give me a decent explanation, I’ll forgive her just like I did Seth.

 

She drags her watery stare to mine. “…because of your relationship with Blade and your relationship with Seth. I thought for once in my life not saying anything was the right thing to do. I thought I was protecting you.”

 

“Any other day, I’d be okay with that response.” Nervously, I rub my fingers over my palm. “But you haven’t spoken to me for months now.”

 

Her brows furrow and she opens her mouth to protest.

 

“It’s true.” I cut in before she gets a chance. “You don’t talk to me, not like you used to. Sure we talk, we talk like distant friends do. We catch up and ask how each other is doing, but that’s it. There’s no intimacy to our conversations anymore. You tell everyone else my secrets and I’ve never really cared because I know that’s who you are. I know the risk when I tell you things, but the second you have a secret you drop the blinds and pretend no one is home. How do you think it makes me feel knowing that you don’t trust me as much as I trust you?”

 

Selena whips her hands from her pockets and clasps them together in front of her chest, pleading with me. “You’re my best friend, O. Let me prove it, let me make it up to you.”

 

“Make it up to me? This isn’t about making it up to me.”

 

Her face falls, defeated by my words.

 

“This is about honesty, and now that I’ve told you what I think, let’s fix it together.”

 

Selena’s dark face brightens, her eyes widening that little bit more.

 

“There are things Jackson has told you that he doesn’t want anyone else to know. I get it and I understand. Quite frankly, I don’t really want to know about him, but I want to know about you. I want you to tell me first when you and Jackson fight—not Maddi or Darryl—me. I want you to call me whenever you want to—even if it’s to talk about the shitty weather, and I want you to never, ever keep a secret if it directly involves me.” I step closer. “Seth told me what you guys had to do to get Matt Somers off our backs and when I found out, the kiss didn’t hurt me, but the lies did. If there’s one thing I hate more in this world than Don Russell, it’s lies. I’ve had my fair share… don’t feed me anymore of them.”

 

She launches forward, unexpectedly crushing me in a hug. I circle my arm around her waist as she cries into my shoulder, undoubtedly wetting my hair.

 

“I’m having a baby,” I say, feeling my lips twitch with the beginnings of a smile. “I don’t want to argue over lies and truths. We’re adults now… and I want you in the baby’s life.”

 

She nods, crying harder into my shoulder. There’s a nag in the pit of my stomach that tells me there’s more to this little breakdown of Selena’s than meets the eye, but I don’t pry. If she wants to tell me, she will. Selena abruptly pulls back and fans her face with her hand.

 

“Sorry, I’m extra emotional today.” Using her thumb, she carefully drags it under her eyes, removing some of her running makeup. “Jackson and I are officially finished.”

 

My stomach shrinks. “Oh, Sel… I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

 

She nods—then shakes her head. “I think I’ve cried enough today. Maybe when it doesn’t hurt I can tell you about it?”

 

“Of course.” I nudge her shoulder. “Get an ice cream and join us. There’s another fountain show in fifteen minutes. It does wonders for your soul.”

 

With a smile she turns around.

 

“Oh, and can you apologize to the boy for me?” I call out. “Seth can be a real dick sometimes.”

 

She gives me the ‘thumbs up’ and I turn around and head back to Seth with an extra bounce in my step. All is right in the world… well, my world, anyway. As I sit down, Seth slips his phone back into his pocket and I pray it’s not Matt Somers. Nothing good comes out of his phone calls.

 

“How’d it go?”

 

I rake my fingers through my hair and pull it over one shoulder. “It went well. We’re okay. Who was on the phone?”

 

He exhales. “Mom called Maddi and told her she’s going to be an aunt.”

 

I raise my eyebrows and take my melted ice cream back. “What’d she say?”

 

“Well, at first she told me it’s a cruel joke to pull on Mom and that I should stop it immediately and when she realized it wasn’t a joke, she chastised me for doing something so messed up to ‘poor Olivia,’ but once I convinced her that it’s what you want, she was happy for us. I think she’s really excited about being an aunt.”

 

“That’s good news,” I say. “I hope my brother takes it just as well.”

 

“Me too.” He licks his ice cream in a way that makes me jealous. What horny idiot gets jealous over an ice cream? “I’ve never been shot and I hope it stays that way.”

 

“He’d never shoot you.”

 

Seth quirks an eyebrow. I know. I’m not fooling anybody. Chase can be very protective of me. “Fine, let me rephrase that. He’d never shoot to kill you.”

 

His lips spread across his face and he rakes his teeth over his bottom lip to hide his smile. “I guess I should buy a bullet proof vest, just in case you’re wrong.”

 

“It wouldn’t be a bad investment. Better safe than sorry, right?”

 

We laugh and the sound mixes together so sweetly, bringing me more joy than the fountain speakers ever could.

 

“When we’re done here, I’m going to take you home and show you how much I appreciate you.”

 

And he did.

 

He took me home and showed me exactly how much he appreciates me. Seth went slow, paying attention to every inch of my body. He took it old school, romancing me without a word. His hands caressed instead of gripped, his tongue tasted instead of fucked and his hips rolled against me instead of slamming into me. Over and over he told me how much he loved me…

 

…and I believed every word he said.