"Yeah, but still, I should have taken better care of him. I let him down."

Sudden tears made my vision blurry. My heart felt like it was getting squeezed in a vise. I only wanted to help Jax, but instead I'd hurt him. It was like living out my worst nightmare.

Her lips tightened in sympathy. She gave me a compassionate look, then reached out and patted my hand. "You know I've known him since we were like fifteen?"

I nodded, my fingers picking at the plastic lid of my coffee cup.

"You know what Jax was like back then? Stubborn. Pigheaded. Completely out of control." A warm smile tugged at her lips. "And totally awesome, of course."

I managed a small smile despite my nerves. Jax at fifteen must have been a trip.

"Well, he was really wild." She shook her head ruefully at the memory. "And I mean out of his mind reckless. He was always doing crazy, daredevil stuff. Sometimes it was fun, but sometimes it was real scary hanging out with him. Like one time when Jax decided that he wanted to subway surf."

My eyes widened. I remembered reading about that in the Village Voice. Thrillseekers climbing on top of subway trains as they hurtled through the tunnels, looking for the ultimate joyride. It was so crazy it seemed like an urban legend.

Sky took a sip of coffee before continuing. "There we were, waiting for the R train in Brooklyn real late at night, and I was so terrified I was shaking. He could have gotten seriously hurt, or worse, you know? But nothing I could say would talk him out of it."

A fragile smile turned up the corners of my mouth. "That sounds like the Jax I know."

"Yeah, right? He rode that train, and there was nothing I could do about it. And I knew he'd probably do it again, too. Or something worse."

I mused on her words for a moment. "Why do you think he did stuff like that?"

She sighed. "I wish I had an answer, but I don't. I wanted to know about his family and home and stuff, like maybe that had something to do with it, but he always stonewalled me. All he'd ever tell me about himself was that he's from California, and he hitchhiked to get to NYC. Eventually I just stopped asking."

My palms were slightly sweaty and I wiped them on my jeans. On some level, I'd always assumed that Sky knew at least part of Jax's history. They were almost like brother and sister; it was strange he'd shut her totally out.

I scooted my chair closer to hers. "I actually never heard how you two first met."

Sky smirked. "Well, that's Jax for you, Mr. Incommunicado. I was going out all the time and was hardly ever home. I was a sucker for live music, so I always hung around this all ages punk club slash art collective on the Lower East Side. Jax and I ran into each other at a hardcore show and hit it off when we found out we both loved Black Flag. We were pretty much inseparable after that."

"So then Jax stayed with you after you guys got to be friends?"

She shook her head regretfully. "No, even though that would've helped him out a lot. He was always scrounging for side jobs he could work under the table because he was underage. But my parents had enough of their own problems to want a random teenager staying at their townhouse. You know, the whole 'we married for money and status and now we're miserable' thing."

She put her elbow on the table and plopped her chin on her hand. A mischievous look settled onto her face. "I was really rebelling against them hard when I met Jax."

I gave her an encouraging smile. "I guess hanging out with him would be a good way to do it."

"If they only knew the half of what we got up to!" Sky said with a laugh, her eyes bright. She took another sip of coffee and leaned forward, her expression growing serious again. "But he was the wild one. Like I said, he didn't ever care about himself. It was like he lived for taking risks. And sometimes the stuff he did was super dangerous, like the subway surfing. I used to worry about him a lot."

"How did you deal with it?" I asked sympathetically.

Sky shrugged her narrow shoulders. "It was hard, because I was just a kid too. But I got lucky. One day we found these guitars tossed in the alley, and took them back to his place to jam. He lived in this one bedroom apartment he shared with a buddy from a restaurant he used to work at, and he slept on the couch. Tight quarters, but he was happy he had a place, and I liked to be anywhere that wasn't home.

"We didn't know anything about how to play, but Jax got completely absorbed in learning." She spread out her hands for emphasis. "I mean he spent every day playing until his fingers bled. But that was cool, because playing the guitar changed him a bit. He was still kind of a daredevil guy, but he stopped taking those risks that could've killed him."

"Wow," I said, feeling my lips curve upward. It was easy to picture Jax bent over his first guitar, doggedly picking out notes and chords until he got it just right. He must have felt so much triumph and pride every time he made a new breakthrough.

"So he found something better," I murmured.

"Yep. Music helped him." She paused, and looked at me with a serious expression. "But Riley, I want you to know something. You've helped him too."

I blinked my eyes. "I have?"

She nodded emphatically. "Yes. Because Jax has always had problems, has always been stubborn as hell. But when he's with you, he's happier than I've ever seen him." She paused to give me a sincere smile. "And it means a lot to me that you can do that for him."

My heart swelled as I took a deep, sudden breath. She was so kind. For the first time since Jax's collapse, I felt like I had a reason to be hopeful about us.

I smiled back at her warmly. A tear hovered at the edge of my eye, but this time it was a happy one. "It means a lot to hear you say that. Thank you."

Her eyes brightened at seeing me cheer up. "I just don't want you blaming yourself for things you can't control. Jax is changing for the better just because you're around." She laughed. "I mean he's still a stubborn pig, but he's a happy stubborn pig."

I laughed along with her, wholeheartedly this time. It felt good, like the knots in my belly were finally becoming untied.

I stood up and stretched. Giving her another smile, I said, "C'mon, let's go check up on our guy."

We walked back to the waiting room, which was still crowded with weary, worried people. When we got back over to where Kev and Chewie were sitting, they informed us that they hadn't heard anything yet. The guys were looking pretty nervous and frustrated too with all the waiting.

As the minutes ticked by, the more I fidgeted in my chair. I was able to remain sitting though, and for that I was grateful.

Then a doctor in a white coat came into the room, one that I recognized from earlier. My eye caught his, and he instantly strode towards me.

The doctor stopped short in front of our group. "You're here for Jax Trenton?"

"Yes," I gasped out. I looked at him desperately.

He cleared his throat and clasped his hands behind his back. "He's going to live."

Chapter Six

DOCTOR'S ORDERS

I saw Jax a few hours later. Exhausted eyes looked back at me from too-pale skin, but all in all, it could have been a lot worse. According to the best doctors in LA, Jax had been bleeding internally in his abdomen since the fight. The blood clotted at first, making him feel well enough to go on stage, but his energetic performance the night of the concert had ripped open the clot. The scary part was, if we'd have waited any longer than we had, there might not have been a recovery.