Her eyes were big and sad. "When do you think that'll be? When you're dead?"

Closing my eyes, I pressed a hand to my throbbing head. "I'll stop drinking when I don't need it any more. Promise."

"Do you need it because of Riley?" she asked, her voice soft, but persistent.

Fuck. My heart throbbed. I lay back down on the couch.

Sky continued, her voice gaining strength as she went on. "I'm not blind, Jax."

I exhaled. Sky sat on the couch with her arms folded, waiting for my answer. There was no avoiding her, and in my hungover state, it was too hard to even try.

"I haven't been myself lately," I said slowly. "I didn't want to hurt her any more than I already have."

"Did she tell you she's been hurt?" Sky asked.

"No, but I've hurt her already, and we can't be together or I'm going to hurt her more."

She exhaled with frustration. "Jax, what's this really about?"

I gave her an icy look. "It's none of your business."

She waited for more, and when nothing was forthcoming she sighed again. "Listen, I know things have been messed up with you for a while, but I thought Riley changed that for you. Am I wrong? Weren't things better with her?"

Her words shot a bolt of pain in my gut. "I don't have a choice, Sky!" I snapped, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice. "Just leave it alone. Leave me alone."

"And what?" she spat back at me. "Watch until you drink yourself into a coma because you won't let anyone care about you?"

I flinched and searched for a comeback. I didn't want to tell her about everything that had happened with my dad, so there wasn't anything to say.

She sighed, and her face looked more frustrated than I'd ever seen it. "Jax, you don't have to tell me what's going on. But the way you're acting, I think you need to talk to her. You need to do something."

I shook my head. "I'll handle a breakup however I want."

"Oh, look at the tough guy!" Sky cried, her eyes narrowing skeptically.

"What do you want, me to cry on your shoulder?" I said with a sneer.

She gave me a scornful look. "Fine, if you want to be tough, whatever. But think about how she feels. She knows that you love her, and she loves you, but you won't be in a relationship with her. That has to be breaking her heart."

Her words sent a shiver through my body, taking the fight out of me. "Even if that were true," I said, my voice low, "It doesn't make any difference now. I fucked everything up, big time."

"It's not too late. If you love her, you need to tell her."

I jutted out my chin. "But what if I hurt her even more by trying to come back now? Maybe she'd be better off if I stayed lost."

She shrugged. "I don't know. She might think that. I tried calling her a few times just to see how she was, and she never answered. But maybe she'll answer for you." She patted my shoulder. "All you can do is try."

"Maybe," I said, my eyes downcast.

Sky stood up. "Jax, I know you have baggage," she said with a compassionate look on her face. "Don't let it ruin your life. Or Riley's."

She left the living room. I heard her moving around in the kitchen, but the noises seemed far away to me. I lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling, lost in thought.

What if she was right? Could Riley and I have a future together? All I wanted to do was protect her from getting hurt—but I already might have hurt her more by pushing her away.

Sighing, I got up and grabbed my jacket from off the floor where I must have tossed it last night. As my hand closed around it, a crunching sound came from one of the inside pockets.

I reached my hand in curiously. My fingers touched paper, and I pulled it out. I stared down at what I held with surprise.

It was an envelope. With words written on it: For when the shows are over.

Riley. This was her gift to me. Not to be opened until we were apart. Somehow I'd forgotten all about it.

My fingers trembled as they smoothed the slightly crumpled envelope. With one smooth tug, I ripped it open. Out came an SD card like the kind I recorded music on, and a piece of paper. I scanned the letter with eager eyes.

But it wasn't a letter. It was lyrics.

How can I write you something new

when everything's been said?

How do I tell you all the sweet things

I'm feeling in my head?

Three little chords is all it takes

to write a song that sounds new

And three little words is all I need

To tell you that I love you.

So if you're feeling lonely

And if you're feeling blue

play these three chords and I'll remember

that you love me, too.

My heart tightened, and I closed my eyes. Riley.

Chapter Twenty-One

IT'S A BOY

Riley

Squinting at Kristen's bulging belly, I gathered a long piece of string.

Immediately, she burst into howls of laughter. "Riley," she gasped between laughs. "I know I'm huge but there's no way I'm that big!"

The other women at the baby shower giggled, and I sheepishly cut the string. Kristen looped the big ball of string around herself, snipped it off when it was all the way around her belly, and then spooled it away from herself and compared it to the strings held out by all the other women at the party. "The closest guess, and the prize, goes to . . . Lauren!"

Lauren got up to get her gift basket, already starting to waddle from her own pregnancy. I glanced, for what must have been the fiftieth time, at the clock in my living room. How much longer was this going to go on?

When her venue cancelled, having Kristen's baby shower in my apartment had seemed like a good idea—at first. After all, a party planner was taking care of the details, which meant I mostly had to stand around as the caterers and decorators came by. Supervising the setup was at least something to do that wasn't binge-watching entire seasons of America's Next Top Model or scarfing down a tub of Cherry Garcia.

My feelings changed, though, when the first guests started to arrive.

Most of them, I didn't know at all—they were the wives of Vincent's friends, incredibly wealthy women whose clothes probably cost more than I made in a month. As they started to make small talk about their fabulous lives, their fabulous marriages, and their even more fabulous pregnancies, I started to feel myself go numb.

This was foreign territory to me. I'd never even lived with a boyfriend, and with Jax's breakup still fresh on my mind, I couldn't help but feel intimidated and a little—scratch that, a lot—left out by the whole thing.

So I'd spent my time talking to caterers, hanging back in the corners, and finding ways to mentally block the baby vibes. It wasn't a perfect solution, but Kristen seemed to think I was just especially dedicated to making sure the logistics of the party were sorted.

Every time I looked at her, radiant with baby glow, I felt a twinge of envy through my congratulatory smiles. I knew we weren't in a competition, but I couldn't help feeling like she'd won a lottery that I hadn't even been able to keep a ticket for.

"Listen up, everyone!" Kristen said, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Next we're decorating onesies! Everyone has a blank white one and some markers underneath their chair. When the baby's born, we'll be using these, so let's see some creativity!"