Author: Nyrae Dawn

They might not be the words a girl longs to hear, but I cherish them. Because they’re real and real is better than a pretty lie.

Adrian leans toward me, his body fitting between my legs. I think he’s going to kiss me, but his tongue circles the hollow spot at the base of my throat. Tingles start in that spot and shoot through me.

“I could see your pulse and I wanted to taste it.”

Before I have a chance to swoon over his words, his mouth comes down on mine. I expect it to be urgent, frenzied, but he takes his time, letting his tongue stroke my own. His hands move to my neck, push through my hair, and it’s so soft that I want to cry, but it feels so good I almost can’t help the moan that slips out. His bandages scrape against my skin, which makes my pulse skyrocket, to feel that small bit of rough in all of Adrian’s softness. I wonder if that explains him. If he’s made up of rough and soft, each giving and taking, unsure which will overcome.

“This shirt has to go,” he says when his mouth pulls away from me. Adrian grabs each of my arms, his hands running up them as he tugs mine in the air before he starts to lift my shirt. There’s a brief moment where I think I should be embarrassed. This is different than the darkened car, and I know our journey will take us farther too.

But I can’t. Not when he’s throwing my shirt to the floor, his mouth kissing the swells of my breasts, his skin so warm. His kiss is electric and I find myself wishing my bra was gone, too.

Without my having to ask, deft hands make quick work of the clasp. His mouth is on mine again, tasting of syrup as he slides my bra away. His eyes trace me, like he’s reading me. Like I’m the paper he writes on or the book he keeps hidden but must be important to him.

“Jesus, you are so hot.” His fingers trace the freckles on my shoulders. “I want to connect all the dots. See every spot on your body,” he tells me.

My heart drums. Heat burns through me. “Girls stand no chance against you, do they?”

He laughs at that. “I pay attention,” he says. “You like to be touched. Anywhere. Skin to skin makes you smile.” Adrian traces a path down to my hips. “Or blush. I bet it makes your heart race too. I feel you shiver every time I touch you.”

I can’t help but to close my eyes. I’m afraid I’m going to cry because he’s right. It makes me feel close to someone and that’s what I want. I want to feel close to him.

“I don’t have condoms with me, Little Ghost.” The name shocks me. It’s different than Casper… somehow more intimate. He’s placing closemouthed kisses to the corner of my lips now. My jaw, my neck. It’s almost too much for me to think, but his words push through.

It’s another thing that should scare me. The fact that I’d be willing to give him something tonight that I’ve never given to anyone else. That I want to. “But I thought…”

“There are other things we can do. I don’t go there without condoms. Ever. I’ll still make you feel good, though.”

There isn’t a second I doubt those words. I look at him and smile. His hands are on me when I do and I wonder if he thinks it’s because he’s touching me. That’s not the only reason.

“Stand up.” Adrian scoots back enough for me to stand. He’s still on his knees, and I know when he does what he’s about to do. His face will be…

“Should we lie on the bed?”

“We will,” he says. And then he’s helping me to my feet. His fingers work the button on my jeans. My zipper goes next. Adrian’s slow as he pulls my pants and panties down my legs. He looks up at me. At all of me, his eyes reading me like they do and his hands running up the curves of my calves, behind my knees. I want him to see my story, but I want to cover myself too. It’s too much. Too painful and embarrassing.

“This is going to kill me, but it’s not a bad way to go.”

His words make me laugh, taking away any urge I felt to hide.

His finger brushes over the apex of my thighs and he mutters, “So pretty,” making heat run the length of me. No one has ever, ever talked to me like that before.

Adrian stands up. His mouth molds against mine and his hand pushes through my hair again. He’s more urgent now. More needy as he backs me up so I have no choice but to lie on the bed. He comes down on top of me, his lips traveling my body: lips, neck, breasts. His tongue traces one pebbled peak and then the other, before sucking each into his mouth, one at a time.

My fingers tighten around his hair as I arch forward, my body begging for the things my mouth could never say.

“I’m getting there, Little Ghost,” he says, a chuckle in his voice.

“I want to feel you too,” I say, and he rips his shirt off before sliding down my body. I don’t look at him. Can’t. Just let my hands touch his shoulders and back and hope the feel of me gives him some of what his touch gives me.

My eyes close. In this moment, I can do nothing but feel. Feel his mouth slide lower, across my belly, my hips, and then he’s right at the spot that’s aching for him.

“I want to taste you.”

“Please,” I rasp out. He could do anything to me right now and I’d let him.

The first lash of his tongue sends a jolt through me, passion and pleasure shooting in every direction.

I arch when a finger pushes inside, his tongue still driving me wild. My hips rotate, trying to get as close to him as I can as that ache builds higher, higher until I’m afraid it’s going to make me come apart at the seams.

And then I do, my body exploding from the touch of a man for the first time in my life.

My breathing is heavy and I still can’t open my eyes. “That was amazing.”

“That wasn’t enough.”

And then he does it again.

And I come apart for the second time.

My body’s limp, completely weak, when Adrian pulls away. “Wait,” I say. Open your eyes. But I’m tired. So very tired.

“I’m just turning off the light.”

I can tell when the room goes black. I hear Adrian shuffling and I know he’s stepping out of his pants. He crawls behind me in my small bed. I feel his bare legs, his bare chest, and I want to wrap myself inside him, feel him all over my body.

“I should…” I can hardly get the words past my lips. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I never have. And I also don’t know if I can move. “I should… you know, for you too.”

“Next time,” he whispers, and I’m not sure if I should do it or not, but I decide to risk it. I cuddle close to him and lay my head on his chest.

“I feel your heart,” I tell Adrian.

He pauses. “I thought it ran away.” His words break my heart. I try to sit up, but his arm wraps around me and stops me. “It was a joke.”

I know it wasn’t, but I can’t make myself call him on it. Not right now. If I do, he’ll pull away. I hope I’m doing the right thing.

“Adrian—”

“Sleep, Little Ghost. No more haunting tonight.”

His words flip a switch inside me. Open a door to him and pull him inside. “Tell me a story. A happy one this time.”

“I don’t know any happy stories.” He runs his hand over my shoulder and I wonder if he’s trying to connect my dots. Or write on my skin.

“Yes, you do. Tell me something.” He doesn’t answer at first. My eyes are so heavy. I’m drifting… falling, deeper and deeper when I hear his voice in the dark:

Skin to skin

Breath to breath

Touch to feel

Body to soul

But only

To Chase

Away

Your ghosts

* * *

A loud banging sound jerks me out of my sleep.

“What the hell!” Adrian’s voice yells from the hallway. “Back the fuck up, man.”

Oh no! I grab the sheet, because it’s the only thing close to me, and wrap it around myself as I dart for the hallway. Adrian’s left eye is swollen as Maddox stands there, his body stiff and his hands fisted.

“What the hell are you doing in there with my little sister?” His voice is so angry, so sharp that it scares me.

“I would have thought that was obvious,” Adrian tosses back at him. Totally the wrong thing to say. My brother lunges at him, but I grab him just in time. It’s the first either of them see me.

“Maddox! Stop it! What are you doing?”

“Is this him?” he seethes. “What the fuck is he doing here, Laney? This wasn’t part of—”

“Stop it! It’s not your business!” My heart is a herd of elephants stomping across the earth.

I know my brother can get out of my grasp, but he doesn’t. He wouldn’t risk hurting me like that. But I also don’t trust him not to say something to Adrian. You’re fighting to keep the secret now. That’s not right.

“We’ll be right back,” I tell Adrian as I’m pushing my brother into the bathroom. That’s when I see it. I knew Adrian had a few tattoos, because they’re on his arms, but the second my eyes land on his chest, it’s like a fist grabs me around the throat, cutting off my breath. On his chest, over his heart, is a tattoo of a hand. A little baby hand with a heart in it. Adrian’s heart.

And it’s for Ashton. I know it is. The little boy my father killed.

Tears choke me. Adrian’s giving me that look that says he sees something’s wrong and is searching me for the truth.

I look at him, standing in my hallway in his boxer-briefs, with a black eye, a messed up hand, and a tattoo on his chest for a dead little boy who he loved.

“Are you okay? He’s not going to hurt you?” he asks.

“Kiss my ass, motherfucker. She’s my sister.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay,” I tell Adrian as I close the door.

Everything in Maddox’s demeanor changes as we step inside. He’s still mad. I can definitely see that, but now the worry is breaking through. “What are you doing, Laney?” He keeps his voice low and for that I’m thankful.

Still, I say, “Shhh. It was a mistake. I didn’t plan it but…”

“But what? You’re hooking up with him ’cause you feel guilty?”

“No! It’s not about that!”

“Fuck.” He drops his head backward, lets it hit the door as he looks up. “You like him?”

“I don’t really know him.”

“Don’t bullshit me. Now’s not the time.”

God, he’s right. “I do. I didn’t mean to, but I do.” I’m standing in the bathroom with my brother. I’m only wearing a sheet wrapped around me and the boy whose family mine ruined is in the next room, hurt from my brother. Hell, and from me. His hand wouldn’t be messed up if he hadn’t tried to save my life.

“Oh God. I’m making a mess of this.” I fall onto the closed toilet.

“It’s not your job to fix it, but you have to know this isn’t smart. What do you think he’s going to do when he finds out?”

I shake my head, not wanting to hear it. “He said he wouldn’t want to know the truth.”

“He also didn’t know what the hell that truth was, did he? You’re fucking naked with this guy, Laney.”

My eyes start to water, but I wipe the tears away and stand up. “I don’t ask a lot out of you, Maddy, but please, please stay in here until he leaves. And don’t say anything to him, okay? I’ll fix it. I’ll find a way to make it right for all of us.”

As I did a few seconds ago, he shakes his head this time. He looks much more glum than I did. “I see it in your eyes. Don’t do this. Don’t get close to him. If you do, we’re even more fucked than we are now. You know this can’t end well, Laney.”