“Then share my bag with me. I’m not going to have you sleeping on the ground.” Or with Channing.

“Fine.” She nodded. “I’ll try and keep to my side.”

“Good.” I nodded back at her.

“Good.” I watched as she swallowed.

I couldn’t stop myself from staring at her body. I felt a tightening in my chest as I realized that I was going to be sharing a sleeping bag with her. What was I doing to myself? Was I a glutton for punishment?

“I’m going to go and shower,” she said slowly and I nodded.

“Fine.”

“I’m going to go to sleep early.” Her eyes searched mine. “I’ll probably be asleep by the time you get in the bag.”

“I’ll try not to disturb you.”

“Thanks.” She smiled weakly, and I turned away from her, walking back over to the guys.

I saw Channing giving me a look of hatred and I didn’t feel anything. If he only knew the reality of the situation. I hated myself at that moment as well.

Chapter 12

Riley

Present Day

I lay in the sleeping bag with my heart racing. I tried to count sheep to make myself fall asleep, but nothing was working. I just couldn’t fall asleep. My body was on edge waiting for Hudson to get into the bag with me. I wasn’t sure what had happened to my own bag, but I felt like this was some sort of sick retribution for the secret I was keeping. It was going to be the sweetest kind of hell sharing a sleeping bag with Hudson—having him so close to me, yet so far. It wasn’t like I would be able to touch him or kiss him. Not like I wanted to. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths to ensure that I didn’t start crying. That was the last thing I needed.

“Night, Hudson,” I heard Justin say before walking back to the campsite.

“See you in the morning.” Hudson’s voice was smooth, and I shivered. This was it; he was on the way back to the sleeping bag.

I squeezed my eyes tight and lay there curled up. I heard him stop next to the bag, but I wasn’t sure what he was doing. I felt like I’d waited for over an hour for him to finally get into the sleeping bag, but I knew it had only been a couple of minutes, if that.

I froze as I felt him sliding his body into the sleeping bag. He moved very slowly, and I guessed that was because he didn’t want to wake me up. His arm brushed against mine and it left a trail of fire on my skin. I waited to see how he would settle in the bag and was disappointed when he lay back and left distance between us. I pretended to yawn and rolled over so that I was closer to his body. He stilled as I crashed into him. I kept my eyes closed but moved my hand over his waist.

“Riley?” he whispered, but I kept my eyes closed. I felt his arm move around my waist, and I moved in closer to him, pretending to still be asleep. I gasped inwardly as I felt my hand touch his na**d chest. My eyes peeked open to confirm that he had no shirt on. “Riley,” he whispered again, and I felt his hands on my face. I looked up at him slowly and saw a smile on his face. “Did I wake you up?”

“No.” I shook my head and made a face.

“Am I making you hot?”

“No.” I shook my head again. “In fact, you’re warming me up. I was a little cold.”

“Oh, well we can’t have you lying there cold.” He put both his arms around me then and pulled me closer to him. I shifted my legs and found them rubbing up against his. “I love the feel of your smooth legs against my hairy ones,” he whispered in my ear, and I giggled.

“You could have smooth legs too.”

“Are you telling me to shave them?” He made a face, and I shook my head.

“I’d never say that.” I ran my fingers against his chest hair. “That’s what makes you a man.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “My chest hair makes me a man?”

“Not just your chest hair.”

“Oh good, I was about to say. I thought it was my dick that made me a man.”

“Hudson.” I pinched him and he chuckled.

“Sorry.” He stroked my hair and sighed. “This was a bad idea.”

“What was a bad idea?”

“Having you sleep with me.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to do so much more than sleep.” He looked at me then, but I didn’t know what to say to him. How could I tell him that I wanted to do more than just sleep with him as well? “Sorry. Did I upset you?”

“No.” I shook my head, and he sighed.

“I’ve missed you.” He gave me a sweet smile. “You look so beautiful. I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become.”

“I missed you too.” I bit my lower lip and stared into his eyes. “I’m sorry I came on this trip. I know you didn’t want me to.”

“I’m glad you came.”

“Why?” I asked in a hushed tone. My heart was thudding and I felt like I was getting a fever from being so close to him.

“Because I get to do this.” He leaned forward and kissed me, his eyes never leaving mine. His lips tasted salty, and I kissed him back. Our lips connected for a few seconds before he pulled back. “Sorry.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I didn’t say no.”

He shook his head. “We shouldn’t do this again.”

“Fine.” I pulled away from him slightly. I was hurt. I was so into him, and I wanted to touch him again so badly, but he just seemed to want to push me away.

“Don’t be upset.” He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me towards him. “What are you doing to me, Riley?”

“Nothing,” I mumbled, frustrated and confused.

“I want to kiss you again,” he sighed, and I felt his fingers running up and down my back.

“You can kiss me again.”

“No.” He shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Why not?” I asked, disappointed.

“I want to do more than kiss you, Riley. I want to hold you and touch you. I want to feel you. I want to make love to you.” He groaned as I grabbed his hand and placed it on my breast. “What are you doing to me?”

“I want to make love to you as well,” I whispered against his lips. “I want to taste and feel you, too.”

“We can’t do this.” He shook his head. “I’m not good for you.”

“Let me decide that.” I licked his lips.

“Riley,” he groaned. “You don’t know how badly I want this to happen, but I can’t. I just can’t.”

“Don’t you like me?” I whispered, hurt.

“Don’t you get it?” His fingers gripped my chin and made me look at him. “I more than like you, Riley. I’ve always liked you. But look what happened. What we did. What I did. I don’t deserve you. I have things I have to do.”

“I heard about Clara’s mom.” I traced the lines under his eyes. “I know why you’re entering the fight.”

“She nearly got evicted.” He closed his eyes. “It’s my fault.”

“That’s not your fault.”

“Clara was going to take care of her.” He eyes looked bleak. “She was going to become a doctor so that she could help people and make enough money to support her mom.”

“She was a good person.”

“She had issues. We all do.” He sighed. “She liked to drink. I knew that. That always hits me. I knew she was drunk that night.” He shook his head, and his voice sounded angry. “I knew she wanted to go to the bar. I should have stayed.”

“I’m the one who convinced you to leave.” I bit my lower lip. “It was my fault.”

“Never say that.” He shook his head. “It was not your fault.”

“Hudson, I’ve got something to tell you.” I took a deep breath and was about to tell him about the text message I’d deleted when his lips found mine again.

This time, they were hard and passionate. His tongue slipped into my mouth eagerly, and my fingers ran up and down his back. He groaned against me, and I pushed my legs between his. He was wearing a pair of boxer shorts, and I felt his hardness against my leg. I reached down and slipped my fingers into his shorts and he gasped. He pulled away from me slightly with a question in his eyes.

I leaned towards him and kissed him again as he pushed me onto my back. His fingers slipped under my t-shirt, and he groaned as he realized that I wasn’t wearing a bra.

“Oh, Riley, what are you doing to me?” he muttered against my lips, and I ran my fingers down his hardness, holding him in my hands softly and squeezing him gently. My fingers ran to the tip of him, and I felt his body tremble as I reached down and tugged on his balls. “I love the way you taste,” he groaned as he kissed my neck and sucked on the skin, giving me a hickey. His fingers played with my nipples, and I moaned as I felt his hands moving south. “I wish I could see you,” he whispered in my ears.

“You can see me,” I whispered back.

“I mean I wish I could see all of your body,” he groaned. “I want to suck on your ni**les right now.”

“Oh!” I gasped as his fingers slipped into my shorts and worked their way into my panties. “Ohhh, Hudson.”

“We have to be quiet.” He pressed his lips against mine. “We don’t want anyone to know what we’re doing.”

“Do you think they suspect?”

“I don’t care.” He half-laughed. “They can suspect what they want.”

“You don’t like them, do you?” My back arched as his fingers gently rubbed me. “Oh, Hudson.” I squeezed my legs together, and his eyes blazed into mine.

“They mean nothing to me.” He kissed me. “Nothing at all.”

“I see.” I closed my eyes and then stilled as I felt him gently pulling my panties down. “What are you doing?”

“What do you think?” He grinned and licked his lips.

“Can we do this?” I whispered back, very much wanting to do it.

“It’s up to you.” He looked at me, and I lay back, pulled my panties and shorts completely off, and stared back at him. “Are you sure?”

I looked at him and nodded. “Yes, are you?”

“I shouldn’t,” he groaned. “There are so many reasons why I shouldn’t, but I don’t think I can say no.”

“None of the reasons are good ones.” I pulled my t-shirt off and pressed my br**sts against him. He groaned and pulled his boxer shorts down.

“You have to turn around,” he whispered softly.

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to have to do you from behind.” His voice was hoarse. “If I’m on top of you or if you’re on top of me, it will be too obvious.”

“Oh.” I blushed, feeling stupid. “I didn’t think about that.”

“We’ll have to spoon. Turn around,” he commanded, and I rolled over. He immediately put his arms around me and pulled me back into him. “Oh, God, what are we doing?” he groaned, and I felt his hardness against my ass.

His fingers played with my stomach before moving up and grabbing my breasts. He squeezed my ni**les hard, and I moved my ass back against him. His left hand then reached down between my legs, and he groaned again.

“You’re so wet,” he muttered, his voice deep, and I trembled as he played with me. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to just experience the familiar and wonderful feelings that were flowing through me. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he whispered in my ear as he lifted one of my legs up. “Back your ass up a bit and move forward slightly,” he commanded without waiting for an answer.

I shifted slightly and felt him move his c**k between my legs. He rubbed the tip up against me and I gasped.

“I’m sure. Please, Hudson. I want this. I need this.” I pushed back against him and he groaned.

“I don’t have a condom,” he muttered into my ear.

“I don’t mind,” I moaned, not caring and not thinking.

“I haven’t been with anyone,” he whispered. “Not since you.”

“Neither have I,” I whispered back, and I felt his body freeze.

“So I’m the only one you’ve ever been with.”

“Yes,” I whispered and shivered. I wanted to tell him that he was the only one I’d ever wanted to be with.

“Oh.” His fingers rubbed me gently, and I felt my body trembling as he teased me. “Is it horrible that I take such pleasure in knowing that?”

“No,” I mumbled, delighting in the feel of his fingers against me.

“I’ll pull out,” he grunted in my ear. “To be careful.”

“Okay.” I nodded, not caring, not thinking. He could have told me anything in that moment and I would have agreed. I could feel the tip of him rubbing against me and I just wanted him inside me.

“Are you okay with that?” His fingers increased their pace and slipped inside me. “It’s still a risk.”

“I don’t care,” I moaned. “Please, Hudson.”

“We shouldn’t do this,” he groaned as I had my first orgasm and my walls closed in on his fingers.

“Please, Hudson,” I moaned and reached behind me. “I want to.”

“I can’t say no to you.” He kissed my head and pushed me back. His c**k entered me slowly, and I nearly cried out as he moved inside me. “You feel so good, even better than I remembered.” He grabbed my h*ps and moved slowly in and out of me. I moved my h*ps back and forth, trying to meet his thrusts as much as possible, and I could hear his heavy breathing behind me. “Oh, Riley,” he groaned into my ear as he played with my breasts. “Being in you feels like home.”