"Well, no-one believed me at first back in war-torn England, but then Aslan the lion–"

"Tink!"

He pursed his lips to stop from smirking. "Okay, okay! Did I feel better for coming out to the sperm and egg donors? Me, yes, I felt relieved; did they feel better? No. I was friggin' shipped off to a g*y turn-around camp, and even though I found the pleasures of the oral and anal variety there, I don't know. I now think that sometimes keeping a secret may be better in the long run… for certain people. Let me tell you first hand, when someone you love so much rejects you after you’ve struggled for so long with such a heavy secret, that is no fault of your own, well – it crushes you. Tudor may be scared of your reaction to his issues; he needs to tell you in his own time and you need to let him."

I narrowed my eyes. "Since when did you become the wise one?"

He shrugged and batted his Hollywood Lash extensions. "I'm like a fit fookin' Yoda, only I'm tangerine-tan orange and have near-perfect syntax! Oh, and I don't think Tudor’s secret is of the homo persuasion, FYI. My internal g*y-dar didn't ping when I met him. My anaconda-sized treasured Sergeant Stiffy did, but that was simply in appreciation of his fine muscles."

He never fails!

"Good to know. I'm not sure I could handle two queens in my life." I said playfully, my heart feeling less heavy.

"Pisht! Everything's shinier with a bit of glitter!" he sang while throwing invisible fairy dust over the room.

"Yep, okay, for once I agree." I laughed, and then breathed a deflated sigh.

Tink threw an arm around my shoulders. "What's up, buttercup? You still look blue," he said with a frown.

"I just loathe frickin' secrets, they c**k everything up! You’d better not be hiding anything from me. I can't handle anything else."

He coughed and removed his arm from our embrace. I shuffled to face him, "What? Why are you suddenly being so weird?" I asked, beginning to worry.

"If I'm being weird it’ll probably just be the hormones."

"What? Hormones?"

He crouched down next to me, knees on the carpet, taking my hands in his perfectly-manicured ones. "Wil, I've been keeping a pint-sized porkie too." His face was so serious that I clutched his fingers tight.

"Oh my God, Tink, what is it? You're scaring me," I whispered, my heart beginning to race.

"Wil..." He drew in a shaky breath and tears filled his eyes. "It’s a shock but...”

“But what???” I squeaked.

“… I'm… I’m… pregnant!"

I threw away his hands. Prick! "Tink!" I screamed in annoyance.

He put his hands on his hips. "Hey, can I help it if Tatey's super-sperm has defied science?"

I pursed my lips together as he moved to the floor-length mirror in the hall and felt his 'bump', before I burst out laughing.

He ran over to me diving next to me on the sofa. "Ah-ha, she smiles!!!" he shouted and pulled me in for a snuggle. "For what it's worth, sausage, I think you should trust him."

I sighed. "I'll try."

"That's all he wants."

I nudged him in his ribs. "Since when did you stick up for Mr. North? This is quite the turn around."

"Erm... about the time I saw those thrusting glutes in action! I've dreamt about them ever since. Have you noticed the dimples and the small mole just to the left of–,"

"Shut up and come here!" I grabbed him and pulled him in for a bear hug, he pulled back, hissing, and winced. "What now?" I asked, not really wanting the answer.

"It's my titties, hun. Since I got knocked up they've been rock hard and hurting like a bitch," he shrugged and put a finger to his mouth. "Must be the beginning of my lactation."

I struggled to hold in my laughter. “You’re a weird little freak, you know that? Honestly!"

He wiggled his fingers at me, cackling. "But I'm your little freak and you love me anyway," he said with all confidence.

"God knows I do!" I lilted.

"Well, you and my little Pookie."

"What?" I screeched and pulled him to arm’s length. He smiled a huge, loving smile. Aww!

"He loves me, ham roll, me! The sun has finally come out! I bet my bottom dollar and it came out!"

"And?" I pushed.

"And, I told him I loved him too – he's my shy little field mouse," he confided coyly.

"Babe, I'm super chuffed for you! My mam will be so excited to meet him." I crushed him with another hug.

"Thanks, pork loin." He nudged me with his elbow, eying me up.

"What?"

"I think someone loves you too."

I rolled my eyes. "Moving swiftly on..."

"No! And stop rolling them eyes at me! I'm telling you, he loves you and your fine curves." He turned to me and sang, "Tash and Tudor sitting in a tree, S-E-X-X-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then come Tink and Tatey to complete the package!"

I burst out laughing when he pounced on me. "Come on, Wil; bring it in, on the count of three: 'Team Four-T's!' You ready?"

I reluctantly threw in my arms, laying them over his. "One... two... three."

"Team Four-T's," we shouted in unison, and then let out several belly-laughs. Tink kissed my cheek and grasped my hand, laying his head on my shoulder and snorting with laughter at our chant. When we had calmed down, a peaceful silence filled the room. "Wil?"