Laughing, I jumped up and snatched the feather Magic Duster and became the Brian May of our budget Queen tribute band.
After the song was done – a rendition that we were sure would place us as the winners of Britain's Got Talent – we sat down on the red love-seat, grabbed our daiquiris and contemplated the events of the day.
With a sigh, Tink laid his head on my shoulder and said, "Wilbur, you'll be just fine. You're gorgeous, you're an amazing teacher and the best friend a gal could ask for. I love you. You have always accepted me for me, and you don't know how special that is – I’m not your average guy by any stretch of the imagination, but you never judged me. See this as an opportunity to find someone who can make you the happiest person alive, be your everything. I mean – Nathan? Sorry to say, Wil, but a beer-bellied, balding, albino-resembling furniture shop manager is not really your Prince Charming. You deserve much more. Take the sound advice given from Rocky Horror’s Frankenfurter: ‘Don’t dream it, be it."
I wiped away a stray tear from Tink´s face with my thumb and hugged him hard, kissing his cheek. I looked down, shook my head and I let out one final sigh at the day’s turn of events.
There were no words.
Tink patted my knee, held my two hands in his, took a deep breath and squealed, "Now let’s get trashed!"
In with the new…
Six daiquiris followed by tequila chasers resulted in me and my favourite fairy being absolutely blitzed. On the upside, I was feeling a whole lot better about the cheating situation and, having kicked Tink’s arse twice at Just Dance on the Nintendo Wii, I was feeling pretty darn unstoppable.
As we crashed on the couch, putting the world to rights, it came to me in a flash, an epiphany! I froze, and Tink grabbed my hand in reaction to my sudden stillness.
I dropped his hand, shot up from the couch and turned to stand in front of him, a slow smile forming on my face. He raised an eyebrow in question as I began to pace back and forth in front of the log fire.
"Okay, we’ve established that things in my life need to change, yes?”
Tink nodded in confirmation, following my every move with his bright sapphire eyes.
I continued. "I propose a new plan. I need to start a new chapter, develop a new philosophy to adhere to, one that challenges me… liberates me."
Tink went to interrupt, but I held up a hand to stop him, only spilling a little bit of my drink in the process.
"I’ve got it! I propose a period of time where the only rule is to seize the day, to go with the flow or throw caution to the wind, as you put it."
Tink’s face was morphing into one of utter glee at my declaration.
"It can be a test, no, a social experiment of sorts. I will give myself a period of time, a year or something, to change my modus operandi, the way that I conduct my life, and assess at the end whether it has changed it for the better. If it has, I stick to it, if not..." I shrugged and looked to my bestie, who was practically vibrating in excitement, waving his hand in the air waiting for me to give him permission to speak. I gave him a regal nod to proceed.
"I say yes! And so will you, it'll be like the film, the one with whasisname... Jim Carrey. You have to say yes to everything and see if your life improves. I love it!" he slurred.
I shook my finger. "I won't commit to saying yes to everything, as I think that's just stupid and could effectively land me in some sticky spots, but I will commit to taking opportunities when they arise and not over-thinking the rafima... marifa... ramifications and consequences of my actions. If something feels good, I'll go with it." I nodded my head once, affirming my intention.
Tink ran to the kitchen and came back with two shots of God knows what – some orange concoction – and we knocked them back, shuddering at the burn of it running down our throats. We dived back on the sofa, and I actually felt lighter, relieved... free. Tink couldn't keep the grin off his face.
He sat forward. "So what you going to do about Nathan the dick? You're probably going to see him around. Newcastle's a small place."
I thought about Nathan parading around with his new plastic-fantastic bimbo-on-the-side, and I felt sick. Tink was right. Time to put my words into action.
With a deep breath, I turned to my best friend and confided, "Tink, I’m serious when I say this, regardless of the alcohol and the sudden overhaul in my attitude and life philosophy – I need to get out of here. I’ve actually thought about it for a while but never dared to take the plunge," I delivered with conviction – well, conviction and a bit of intoxicated slurring.
Tink rolled his head and, with a smile offered, "Well let’s go, my peppered slab of salami. Ibiza, Benidorm, Magaluf – wherever you want."
"Firstly, as if! I'm thinking those places would be great for you, with your toned physique and quest for quickies, but for a fuller-figured goddess like myself, the thought alone is giving me palpitations. Can you imagine the amount of neon Lycra I would have to purchase to survive such a fortnight? Ugh, no thanks!" I chided, with a grim look and a shiver to the spine.
"Shut your cake-hole, Wilbur, it'll be fun. A two week vay-cay is just what the doctor ordered," he insisted with a smug grin. "Plus you need to get laid. Elephants like you need a sexual outlet now and then, even if they don’t manoeuvre too well!" he said, nudging me with his elbow and giving me a sly wink.
"Gee, thanks for that! But no, I mean I need to get away – as in move away. Newcastle is a fishbowl. It’s too small for me and Nathan the prick. It didn't work for Nemo, and it’s sure not going to work for me."