“I—” I shook my head. “I said all of that, and it didn’t matter to you.”

He lifted his head, frowning. “Bren?”

“You went in there anyway.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“It was.” I started to pull away. I began to know how I was feeling. I was feeling that rage again, that betrayal again. “I peeled back all of my walls, and nothing. You still walked.”

“You think if I’d killed him, I would be gone too. That’s not what would’ve happened.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Bren—”

“You don’t!” I snapped, stepping back. “I was going to kill that guy in my bedroom. I was going to do it.”

He tried to reach for me, but I twisted out of his reach, backing up until I hit the lockers behind me.

“Bren. Come on.”

He lifted a hand, but I blocked him, hitting it away. “Stop!”

He fell back, his eyes darkening. He was quiet.

“My dad’s in prison because he killed that guy, and he didn’t do it because he wanted to. He did it so I wouldn’t, because I was going to.” I pressed my hands to the sides of my head, shaking from side to side. “I am messed up, Cross. I mean, holy shit. I’m fucked up, and that guy—my dad doing what he did is only half of it. If you had done what you wanted…”

I didn’t know if I could finish that sentence. I didn’t know if I wanted to put that on him, but it was the truth. My voice cracked. “I don’t know if there would’ve been any coming back for me. If you’d killed him, if you’d gone to prison, I really don’t know what I would’ve done.”

I wasn’t being dramatic. I wasn’t crying. I was just speaking the truth.

Cross knew it. He understood how we needed each other.

I was fast realizing the depths of that—how fucked I would be if he wasn’t here.

“You’re my anchor,” I told him. “You go, I go. It’s as simple as that.”

He didn’t reply, just pulled me back in and wrapped his arms around my neck. Tucking his head right next to mine, he breathed, “It’s the same for me.”

This was how it was for us.

No pretty words. No happy ending. No lesson learned at the end of it all. It just was. We were us, Cross and Bren, and after we stayed in there for a while longer, he took my hand and led me outside.

It was time to face everyone else.

Taz lost twenty pounds.

Her mouth had been wired for ten weeks, but she swore it was the best diet she’d ever been on. Race doted on her the entire time.

That part of his life was doing well. The rest, not so much.

The Ryerson fall-out was epic, and it happened in almost chronological order.

Race’s dad moved to Roussou. Alex’s parents divorced. Alex’s dad moved out of town. Race’s dad moved into Alex’s house, to be with Alex’s mother.

Race’s mom sued Alex’s family, and rumor was that most of the divorce settlement actually went to her.

That seemed like good karma, for once.

The two brothers were now mortal enemies.

The only other way to bring everything back around was if Alex’s dad stayed and hooked up with Race’s mom. The two brothers would’ve literally switched places.

Taz said the whole thing made her want to drink, which she couldn’t because she was still on her meds. And she moaned longingly whenever Tabatha, Sunday, and Monica visited her. “They bring these Kahlua drinks, and I swear they do it to torture me.” She sighed dramatically. “They know that’s my favorite.”

“Keep explaining the Ryersons,” I told her. “Race’s dad isn’t marrying Alex’s mom?”

“No.” Taz settled back in her bed, her textbooks out in front of her.

We were supposed to be studying.

Taz itched under some of the wiring. She was finally getting it taken off tomorrow. “They’re breaking ground between Fallen Crest and Frisco for a new Harley shop.”

“So Race’s dad is shacking up with Alex’s mom?”

It was all confusing and all sorts of wrong.

She nodded. “Yep. It’s fucked up. When Alex gets back from rehab, his uncle is going to be a different sort of uncle.” She grinned.

“Lame joke.”

She shrugged. “What can you do? It’s a mess, all around.”

“Are the two moms talking?”

“Not from what Race says. His mom is using the money from her settlement to buy a house in Fallen Crest. He told me he’s worried she’ll want him to move since they have a better school.”

I grunted. “The rich one or the public one?”

“Either, honestly. She did good with the settlement.” Pulling one of her pillows onto her lap, Taz began to pick at the edges. She didn’t look back up.

“Race wants to stay?” I asked.

She raised a shoulder. “I don’t know. I mean, I can’t blame his mom, you know? Fallen Crest doesn’t have crews.”

“Yeah, but they have other problems.”

“Besides.” She put the pillow to the side. “It might not matter. If she buys a house in Fallen Crest, he can’t go to Roussou anyway. Can he?”

“The district lines are weird. I know of someone who lived by Fallen Crest but went to school in Roussou. It could happen, I guess.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” She sounded dejected. “So.” She seemed to force a lighter, happier tone. It made me cringe. “How about you? How’s everyone treating the new Bren and Cross?” She laughed. “And I so saw that coming—for, like, ever.”

I smiled. “It’s going just fine.”

Though it was great just to see her, I remembered the reasons I’d come. It must have shown on my face.

Taz laughed. “Out with it. I know my brother sent you to find out about Race’s stuff. Everybody’s been wondering. What else do you need to know?”

Alex was out as the Ryerson crew leader. He’d been kicked out months ago, and while everyone assumed Race would step into his role, he hadn’t.

It was crew business. We had to know. “Is Race going to join the Ryerson crew?”

She shook her head. “No. He’s trying to stay out of all of it.”

That was good. But also not good.

“They’ve never not had a Ryerson lead.” I was mostly talking to myself.

“They still do.”

“What?” Was Alex coming back? Were they taking him back in? That was…surprising, if that was the case.

Taz shrugged, shaking her head. “I don’t know who it is, but a couple of the members talked to Race. He was asked to join and lead. He turned them down, but then they came back and said they were going to be fine. There’d be a Ryerson leader after all. That was it. Race didn’t ask. I don’t think he wants to know.”

Well. Shit. I didn’t know if that was good or not.

A new Ryerson was stepping up to the plate. Problem with that was, there were no Ryersons left.

“Maybe a cousin or something?” Zellman wondered an hour later when I relayed the information to the guys at Jordan’s warehouse.

“Maybe.” Cross grabbed two beers and brought one over, sitting down next to me. “They have a big family, and douchebag seems to be in the genes. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“We’re not going to know until whoever it is makes his presence known. So…” Jordan put his drink on the table and focused on me. Or, no—he focused on Cross and me. “Let’s talk rules. This has been put off for too long. You two broke ours.”

Zellman broke out in a wide smile. “Yeah. No couples in crews.”

“That’s our rule, but it’s not like we planned this.” Cross put his beer on the table as well, taking point for us.

I was glad.

All the talking I’d done over the last couple months had tired me out. There’d been the whole professing at Durrant’s house, then the police questions, my brother’s own interrogation of me, Heather had her questions too. After that, once we went back to school, there was the community service. Taz had been out of school recovering, so I was stuck with Tabatha, Sunday, Monica, and all of their friends. Plus The Badger—for the committee and our counseling sessions, and I just started those.

I could go mute for the next six years to break even.