She doesn’t respond verbally to my last comment, but the velocity with which she twirls her fountain pen increases significantly as she continues. “I don’t believe you are so naive as to think that there isn’t opposition to you and Hudson claiming a spot on the Circle. Right now, we’re evenly split—dragons and witches for, wolves and vampires against.” She steeples her hands in front of her, then eyes me over her fingertips. “But that can change at any moment.”

It’s another not-so-veiled threat, and there’s a part of me that wants to tell her to hell with the Circle. It’s not like I want to deal with the power plays that are a part of it for the rest of my very long life. But she’s right. I’m not that naive, and I know that the only power I have—the only real bargaining chip—comes from all the different factions knowing I’ve earned my spot on the Circle, whether they like it or not.

So instead of telling her off and walking out the way I so desperately want to, I lean back in my chair and ask, “What do you want, Nuri? Because that’s what this is all leading up to, right? The Let’s Make a Deal portion of the day?”

“Actually,” Nuri says, “I don’t think we’re there yet.” She studies me for a moment. “For starters, what do you want?”

“Hudson released from your dungeon and my friends and family safe,” I respond immediately.

“That’s it?” She quirks a dark brow. “No Court? No Circle? If you become gargoyle queen, you need a much wider view. It can’t just be about your mate, your friends, and your family. It has to be about what’s best for our five factions in general—”

“I respectfully disagree,” I say. “Yes, we have to govern for everyone. But I think Cyrus’s problem is that he thinks he’s doing these things for vampires everywhere, but that’s not true. Everything he does, he does for himself.”

“Finally, something we agree on,” Nuri tells me.

“I think if the whole Circle cared more about the concrete people in their own lives and less about the abstract concept of power, we’d all be better off,” I add. “It’s why I think motivation is so important when it comes to deciding things like punishment or right and wrong. Do actions have consequences? Of course they do. Every single thing we do in a day has a consequence—at least one. Which shirt I wear determines whether or not I feel confident going into my day. The answer to that question determines whether or not I do well on my English presentation. The answer to that determines whether I get to hang out with my friends tonight or if I have to study.

“I’m talking about simple things, yeah, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t important. Little things become big things, big things become huge things, and huge things—”

“Kill us all,” Nuri finishes.

“Pretty much, yeah.” I sigh. “And I get it. I’m not obtuse. I understand how soul-destroying it is that you couldn’t save Damien. I feel the same way knowing that my parents died because someone who had never met any of us decided to make it so, because she needed something from me.

“Do you know what that feels like?” I ask. “To know that the two people I loved most in the world are dead because of me? And you think I don’t know about actions and consequences? You think I don’t know that one decision can change everything?”

I think about Jaxon and Hudson.

About the Bloodletter and the fake mating bond.

About Xavier and the way Hudson begged us not to try to take on the Unkillable Beast.

About Lia and my parents.

I think about them all.

“Actions have consequences,” I say again. “Mistakes get made. Hearts get broken. But judging those consequences? Deciding the consequences someone must face? Those are just more actions, and those actions lead to more, often bloody consequences. It becomes a never-ending cycle that we have no hope of breaking unless we choose differently. Unless the consequences we enforce reflect not just what happened but why it happened and how we can heal the divide it caused.”

It’s the longest argument I’ve ever made in my life, and when I’m done, I slump back in my chair and wait for the verdict. Because I wasn’t just blowing smoke up Nuri’s butt. I meant every word I said, and not just because I want to free Hudson—although that is definitely part of it.

But it’s also because I’ve learned over the last six months that the things we do matter. The things we say matter. We can’t just pretend they don’t. But until we figure that out, until we start acting like they do, we’re just going to make the same mistakes.

Nuri doesn’t say anything for a long time, just watches me and thinks. And thinks. And thinks. I can practically see the wheels turning in her brain, the scales wobbling back and forth as she considers and reconsiders what I’ve had to say.

It goes on so long that I’m nearly jumping out of my skin when she says, “Ask me what I want again.”

This is it. I can feel it. My chance to free Hudson and maybe, possibly fix a little of the damage we’ve all caused. “What do you want?”

“To make sure I don’t lose my second son.” She looks me in the eye. “Now ask me how we’re going to make that happen.”

My mouth goes dry, and for a second, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to get the words out. But then I lick my lips, clear my throat, and ask, “How are we going to do it?”

“By doing whatever it takes to bring down Cyrus Vega and achieve peace for the Circle, the factions, and our friends and family.”

76

All Keyed Up

Her answer reverberates in my head like a wire that’s been strung too tight. “If there’s no war, they can’t kill Flint. Or anybody else.”

“Exactly. Because actions have consequences, even in this dark time.”

Nuri studies my face intently—so intently that it makes me uncomfortable, and I think about looking away just to get a break for a second. But this is a test as much as anything else that’s happened in this room, so I hold her gaze, let her look her fill.

She must find whatever she’s looking for, because she sits up abruptly, then reaches into her desk drawer and pulls out a key. We both stare at it before she holds it out to me.

I’m almost afraid to hope, but I take it anyway, determined not to make any mistakes. At least not now.

“The cells are on zero floor. You need to take one of the main elevators to get there.”

“Okay.”

She lifts a brow. “No thank you for setting your mate free?”

“Thank you,” I tell her and almost leave it at that. But I can’t, not when this meeting is all about establishing some kind of partnership. Partnerships only work when both parties are on the same footing, and I am determined that this one will work, determined to do whatever I have to do to protect the people I love from Cyrus and Delilah and whatever the Circle has planned.

“Please don’t do this again,” I say, but both Nuri and I know it’s more a demand than a request. “I think we both know—now—that locking Hudson up was your way of creating a bargaining chip. And while I…admire…your no-holds-barred attitude when it comes to saving the world, I don’t want the people I care about to be used like that again.”

I know I’m pushing it, and am half expecting her to lash out at me, but this needs to be said. She has to know that Hudson and Jaxon and Macy and Eden and Uncle Finn and the Order are off-limits to her. That the next time she uses one of them, it won’t end up working out as advantageously for her.

She inclines her head, seems to think about it. “As long as I don’t feel like my son is at risk, I believe I can live with that.”

That seems fair, considering Nuri and I want the same thing. And no matter how mad I was at Flint earlier, I still don’t want anything bad to happen to him. “I’ve considered Flint one of my closest friends for weeks now,” I tell her. “Until today, I would have said I would lay down my life for his.”

When she leans back this time, she’s smiling. “I believe you would. And just so you know, he had no idea what I had planned for Hudson. He was as shocked as you were.”

I don’t know if she says it to make me feel bad, but it works—a little bit. There were two reasons I was so mad at Flint. The first was because I thought he’d sold us out, but the second really was because he was trying to blame Hudson for what happened to Damien without ever taking responsibility for what he’d done to me.

I really thought I’d moved on, really thought I had left the past where it belonged. But apparently not.

I should probably work on that…later.

“You know, not all vampires are like Cyrus.” The way she’d sneered the word “vampire” at Hudson earlier still stings. “Your son has loved two, after all. I definitely think he has a type, so it would probably make for easier family relations if you learned to like them as well.”