So I pull in a deep breath and take a chance. “Are you scared, Hudson?”

He holds my gaze so long, I’m not sure he’s going to say anything. But then the weight of his answer seems to be too much for him to carry, and he sinks onto the stairs below me, his arms resting on his knees. And says with a ragged voice, “More than you’ll ever know.”

And now I see it. His scars.

This poor boy has had everyone he’s ever loved taken from him. Why wouldn’t he expect the same thing to happen with his mate? And he would let me go without a fight. I know it. If I told him I wanted Jaxon, he would sacrifice his happiness for mine. For Jaxon’s.

I swallow as I realize he deserves to know that’s not going to happen. On a soft breath, I tell him, “Jaxon gave us his blessing as he left tonight.”

His eyebrows shoot up. “He did?”

“Yes.” I nod. And because he deserves to know this, too, I add, “I only look at Jaxon after we touch because I don’t want to hurt him—with my happiness.”

I watch as my words sink in, watch as a slow smile gently lifts one corner of his mouth. And cocky Hudson comes back as quickly as he left as he says, “So you like it when I touch you, eh?”

I roll my eyes. “Leave it to you to only focus on that.”

He grins back at me. “Hey, I can’t help it if I’ve got game.”

“It’s just the mating bond, you goof,” I tease, but he sobers.

“Is that what you think?”

I bite my lip. “How can I not?”

He seems to ponder my words for a moment before he stands and says, “We can take things slow, Grace. It’s something to build on.”

And I can’t stop the tears of joy welling up in my eyes. “Thank you.”

He pulls me into a hug, his large arms wrapping around my shoulders and pulling my head against his chest, and I try to ignore how good he smells up close like this.

Like sandalwood and warm ginger.

Like amber and an open flame.

Like safety, the voice deep inside me whispers.

“Want to watch the rest of Empire Strikes Back?” he asks.

“There’s nothing I’d like to do more,” I admit. Then I imagine us curled up on his huge, sexy-as-fuck red bed and add, “On the couch.”

Hudson chuckles. “Of course.”

But as he laces our hands together and leads me to his couch, I can’t help wondering if going slow will take the pressure off…or if it will just make everything explode.

49

Bite the Big One

“So, umm…how did last night go with Hudson?” Macy asks as we pack up some things to take to Giant City with us early the next morning. “You know, if you want to help your cousin live vicariously and all.”

I grab a shirt and fold it, placing it into my backpack. “Nothing happened. We watched a movie.”

“Above or below the sheets?” She winks at me, and I snort-laugh.

“On the couch,” I clarify. Although my cheeks heat as I remember how he tucked me snugly against his side, his large hand covering mine where it rested against his muscled thigh. True to his word, he didn’t make a single move on me all night.

Well, until the end when we got into a fight about why Princess Leia couldn’t admit she loved Han Solo until it was too late. One minute, we were just casually hanging out, and the next we were sniping at each other over a fictional character. One minute, we were in the friend zone, and the next all I could think about was ripping his clothes off and climbing with him under those oh-so-sexy sheets.

Instead, I made an excuse and hustled back to my room as fast as I could, his last taunt still echoing in my ears.

I’ll be here when you change your mind.

If I change my mind, I shot back.

And he laughed. He actually laughed. The jerk.

I didn’t run because I was scared—or at least, not just because I was scared.

I ran because if the heat in our arguments is any indication, I’m a little afraid of what we’ll burn down if we actually get together.

Or maybe the better question is, what won’t we burn down?

I don’t know if I’m ready for that, don’t know if I’m ready for any of this.

“You look exhausted,” Macy says in a deliberately upbeat voice.

Yeah, well, that happens when you spend the night tossing and turning over relationship issues.

“Hudson just said something I didn’t like at the end of the evening.” I cross to my closet and reach for my black coat because it matches my mood.

But Macy is right there, taking it out of my hand and putting it back in the closet. “No brooding,” she tells me. “I’m totally in that boy’s corner…until he hurts you. Just say the word, and then I’ll help bury the body.”

“Nah, it wasn’t that bad. I’m not brooding.” It’s a blatant lie, but apparently I’m doing a lot of that today, so what’s one more?

“Oh, right. Is stewing better? Languishing? What verb would you like?”

“Ruminating,” I tell her as I crack up, because it’s impossible to be sad around Macy for long. Even when she’s still a little sad herself. “I’m ruminating over the state of my affairs.”

“Oh, well, ruminate away. But do it in your favorite color.” She takes my hot-pink coat off the hanger and hands it to me. “It’ll make you feel better.”

I look from her to the coat as it occurs to me that now would be a perfect time to tell her that hot pink is very definitely not my favorite color. But she’s smiling for the first time in quite a while, the prospect of this trip away from school making her happy in a way she hasn’t been since Xavier. Telling her I don’t like pink would be like kicking a puppy just to hear it cry. I can’t do it.

Plus, the ridiculous color is growing on me. Of course, the comforter is definitely overkill, but the coat really isn’t that bad.

“What time is it?” I ask as I slide the coat on, then double-check my backpack to make sure I have everything I might need. The plan is to travel down this morning and then back up tomorrow night, but I want to make sure I’ve brought enough work to do in case we stay until Sunday.

I mean, yeah, we’re going to spend most of our time looking for the Blacksmith and, hopefully, talking to him once we find him, but still. There’ll be some downtime, and I want to take advantage of it by finishing my makeup architecture project and my essay for history. If I’m lucky, Jaxon will be in a decent-enough mood to follow through on the help he offered the other day. And if he isn’t, well, maybe one of my other friends could be persuaded.

“Nine fifteen,” Macy answers as she pulls on her rainbow-colored jacket. It’s a change from the black she’s been wearing lately, and when I raise a pleased brow at her, she just shrugs. “I think maybe I want to feel good while I ruminate, too.”

Now I’m full-out grinning. “I think that sounds like a really great idea.”

She nods and whispers, “Me too.”

“You know, today is my mom’s birthday,” I say as we make our way to Macy’s secret passageway—no need to tip off any of our new and unappreciated enemies that we’re leaving school for a couple of days. The last thing we need is one of them clueing in that Hudson is no longer on Katmere Academy property. With how protected Giant City is with magic, we all feel fairly sure even if Cyrus discovered we were there, we’d be gone before he could marshal the Watch in the city walls anyway. Still, no sense taking a chance and advertising our adventure, either.

“Her birthday?” Macy’s eyes go wide. “Oh, Grace, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” I tell her as I think of my free-spirited mother, with her love of flowers and poetry and midnight pancakes. “I mean, yeah, usually it makes me sad to think about her, but it’s hard to be sad on her birthday. It was always one of my favorite days of the year.”

“Really?” Macy looks charmed at the idea. “How come?”

“We always took the day off school and spent it together—you know she was a high school teacher, right?”

“I didn’t remember that, no.” She grins. “Was she always correcting your grammar?”

I laugh. “Not even close. She was, however, always giving me a book to read—and then making me talk about the books with her over brunch at our favorite restaurant. It was right on the water, and if it was the right time of year, we’d get to walk in the cove later and watch the seals that come up to the sand to give birth and take care of their babies.”

Macy’s eyes go huge. “Oh my gosh. That’s amazing!”

“It was, yeah.” I smile, remembering. “There was one weekend a month my dad had to work, and that was always our book brunch time. She was big on finding favorite passages to talk about—and memorize.”

“That’s why you’re always quoting some book! I’ve wondered.”

“Yeah, that’s why.”

“Hudson must love that. He’s always quoting books, too.”

I laugh. “Hudson is the only person I know who actually reads more than my mom did.”

“No shit. And considering how long he’s been alive, I’m pretty sure he’s read almost everything.”