“Where are you going?” I demand.

One of his brows goes up at the belligerence in my voice, but he doesn’t answer. Just sets his black—of course it is—bag near the top of the stairs and asks, “What did you want to see me about?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Now both his brows are up as he leans back on his heels and crosses his arms over his chest. “You didn’t answer mine.”

I don’t respond, my gaze glued to the bag at the top of the stairs. Maybe it’s naive, considering we’re on a break or whatever, but I still can’t believe Jaxon was going to leave Katmere to go God only knows where—with a suitcase—and didn’t even plan to tell me about it.

“Was I just going to wake up tomorrow and you were going to be gone?” I ask, hating how small my voice sounds all of a sudden.

“Don’t be dramatic, Grace.” His voice is ice-cold. “It’s not like I’m leaving for good.”

“Well, how would I know that?” I hold my arms out to encompass the room as I spin in a slow circle. “How am I supposed to know anything about you anymore?”

“I don’t know.” Anger flashes in his eyes. “Maybe if you spent less time with Hudson, you’d have a clue what’s going on with somebody, anybody, else.”

I gasp. “That’s not fair. I’m trying to make up enough work to graduate. You know that.”

“You’re right. I do.” He closes his eyes, and when he opens them again, the anger is gone, but so is every other emotion. For the second time today, I can’t help thinking that it’s like looking into his eyes that first moment we met, when there was absolutely nothing there. “I’m sorry.”

He starts to gesture for me to sit down, and I watch as it dawns on him that he no longer has anywhere for me to sit. A weariness comes over him then, and he shoves a hand through his hair as he quietly asks, “What did you need?”

“I’m going to the Bloodletter tomorrow—”

“The Bloodletter?” Suddenly, he sounds alarmed. “Why are you going there?”

“Hudson and I are hoping she can break the mating bond between us. We want you to come with us.”

He shoots me a skeptical look. “Hudson wants me to come with you?”

“I want you to come with me. I don’t care what Hudson wants.”

Jaxon stares at me, his gaze searching my face for I don’t know what. But just when I start to think that I’ve gotten through, that he’s going to agree to come with us, he says, “You really should just let this go, Grace. Let me go.”

“I can’t.” There’s nothing more for me to say, so I wait. Hope he feels the same way.

But he just shakes his head. “I’ve already got plans.”

“Plans.” I look toward the duffel bag that might as well be another elephant in the room.

He sighs. “I’ve got to go to the Vampire Court for the weekend.”

“The Vampire Court?” It’s the absolute last thing I expect him to say, especially after everything that happened during the Ludares challenge. “But why?”

“Someone has to keep an eye on Cyrus after that shit Hudson pulled. He may not have raised me, but my father is predictable enough for me to know that he’s not going to let what happened on that Ludares field go.”

“We all know that. What does that have to do with you going home?”

“I’m bringing the Order with me. We’re hoping among all of us, we’ll be able to figure out what he’s got planned.”

“I thought he had a war planned,” I tell him. “That’s what everyone is saying.”

“You don’t actually think Cyrus is just going to show up with his faithful army of wolves and made vampires, do you?”

I think about everything I’ve heard since the challenge—not just from Jaxon and Hudson but from Uncle Finn and Macy and Flint and…everyone, really. “I thought that was what we were preparing for.”

“We are. But he won’t come at us straight on. Not yet. Not when he has to face Hudson, you, and me, as well as Flint and a whole host of other powerful paranormals.”

“So what do you think he’s going to do?” I ask, even though I’m not sure I want to know the answer.

“Try to kill two birds with one stone.” The look on his face has chills running up and down my spine of the very-not-good variety. “If you think he’s going to let Hudson’s performance on the challenge field go, you obviously don’t know how a megalomaniac like Cyrus thinks. And what better way to hurt Hudson and even the odds for the coming fight than to destroy his mate?”

“Me?” I squeak. “You think he’s coming after me?”

“I know he’s coming after you,” he tells me in a voice so deadly that it makes me take a step back, even though I know Jaxon would never hurt me. “I’m not going to let that happen.”

This time, when our gazes meet, there’s something in his eyes that wasn’t there before. Something raw and real and powerful. And that’s when I know. Jaxon still cares for me. At least a little.

He may not want to, but he does. More, he’s determined to take care of me in his own way—whether that means stepping aside so I can be with Hudson or protecting me from his sociopathic father.

My heart breaks for him, for us—for what was and what could have been. For what still might be if we all play our cards exactly right.

Then, because I know there’s no talking him out of his plan, I throw my arms around him and whisper, “Be careful.”

He holds me close for the space of one, two, three breaths, then steps away. “I have to go. The Order is waiting for me.”

He grabs his duffel bag and starts down the stairs.

I follow him. There are so many things I want to say. And so many things I no longer have the right to say. They all burn on the tip of my tongue, but in the end, I settle for, “Please, Jaxon. Don’t do anything rash.”

He turns to look at me, and in that moment, it’s all there in his eyes. The love, the hate, the sorrow, the joy. And the pain. All the pain. But still, he gives me that crooked grin I fell in love with all those months ago. And whispers, “I’m pretty sure I already have.”

I close my eyes as my heart breaks all over again, and when I open them, he’s already gone.

As I head back down the stairs and to my room, I can’t help a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that this was the last time Jaxon will ever look at me that way again—like I matter to him. Or worse, like anything does.

22

WanderLUST

My alarm goes off at four the next morning, but I’m already awake studying a topographical map of Alaska. Unfortunately, there’s no X marks the spot when it comes to the Bloodletter’s cave, which means I’m going to have to go from memory—something I’m not looking forward to, since Jaxon is the one who got us there last time, and I was just along for the ride.

I’d been counting on him directing us again this time, but that’s not going to happen now, considering he’s in London. And since Hudson has never been there corporeally, I need to figure out from memory and this map of the terrain how to find the Bloodletter’s cave again. Easy-freaking-peasy.

I know it’s several hundred miles away, and I know we started out going northeast, but we made a turn somewhere. I just wish I could remember where…or how long it took us to get there.

My phone vibrates, and I reach for it, ready to respond to Hudson with a text to go back to sleep because we aren’t leaving until I can figure this out. But the text isn’t from Hudson.

Jaxon: Text me if you get lost

He’s also sent a series of shots from Google Earth and drawn a red path through the mountains and thawing snow. And, thank God, on the last shot, he put a giant red X over where the Bloodletter’s cave should be as well as instructions for how to remove the wards.

Me: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU

Jaxon: Don’t do anything rash

Me: I already have

I take a couple of minutes to trace the path he gave me onto the map, just in case my phone dies while we’re out traversing the wilderness. Then I get dressed, which is a production, as always.

It’s April now, so temps are finally above freezing for the most part, thank God—but just barely. Which means tights, leggings, ski pants, and several layers of shirts and socks, as well as my puffy hot-pink coat. I keep thinking about ordering a new one, but it doesn’t seem worth it—not if it’s going to hurt Macy’s feelings. She’s hurting more than enough as it is.

I grab my outdoor pack—also hot pink and also courtesy of Macy—and shove some bottles of water into it, along with some granola bars and a few packs of trail mix. Lastly, I pack a large thermos of blood I got last night from the cafeteria for Hudson.