He is the one who can save us. He is the one who can bring all of this to an end. But at the same time, what will it cost him to do it?

Everyone is afraid of him, of what he can do. But that’s only because they don’t know how much he hates his powers. How he would trade them in an instant.

I saw his eyes in the Chamber, saw how tortured he was by what he’d done and what he could do. He’s used his powers only once in all the time I’ve known him—the day of the Ludares challenge. And even then, even furious at his father and enraged at the idea of me dying, he’d made sure everyone was safe. Made sure that when he brought that stadium down, no one was inside it.

But here, now, it’s the opposite. If he uses his powers—if he takes off the leash he keeps tied so tightly around them—it would be the nuclear option.

He doesn’t say a word, but he looks at me with eyes that have seen too much and a heart that has been broken too many times to bear. At first, I think he’s asking for my permission, but the longer I gaze back at him, the more I know that that’s not it at all. He’s seeking forgiveness, not for the past but for what he’s already decided to do.

Not because he’s a murderer like his father or an opportunist like his mother but because he loves the people who might very well die in this fight if he doesn’t stop it. Jaxon. Macy. The rest of our friends.

Me.

That’s the real rub, the one thing he could not bear. It’s written all over his face—he would disintegrate anyone—everyone—if it means saving me. He would literally set fire to the world.

The girl I used to be, the girl who once judged him so harshly, would be horrified by that thought. But the woman I’ve become—the woman who has fought alongside him for her friends, for her family, and for the men she loves understands more than he would ever think she could.

Because I would burn down the world for him, too, if I had to.

And so I do the only thing I can do for him. I nod.

He closes his eyes, blows out a breath. He opens his eyes again and holds me transfixed. Then murmurs, “I love you.”

I smile, because I know what he means. I know that he loves me, not because I forgive him but because I gave him permission to forgive himself. For someone who has spent two centuries torturing himself over things that he’s done and things that he hasn’t done, it’s a powerful gift.

I whisper back, “I know,” and his eyes crinkle slightly at the corners at our inside joke.

Then he closes his eyes…and lets me go.

He squares his shoulders, prepares himself for what he has to do. And even though it could very well crush his soul, he’s going to save us all. He’s going to go out there and be the person he needs to be. Not for me. Because of me. The same way he makes me want to be the best version of myself because of him.

And that’s why I know what I have to do.

I can’t break our bond just because Jaxon needs me. Yes, I hate the idea of him suffering for something that wasn’t his fault, for losing his soul over something he never had any control over. But we’ll find another way.

Because this beautiful boy standing in front of me has never asked anything of me for himself. And he deserves the best of me now. Just as I deserve the boy I love.

I reach deep inside myself and grab on to our blue string. I squeeze it as hard as I can and watch Hudson’s eyes widen. And I say, “I choose you.”

I can see the indecision on his face, read it in his every breath. A beautiful symphony of agony and ecstasy playing across his features. He wants me, but not at the cost of killing his brother. And I love him even more for that.

“It’s okay.” I smile at him gently. “I chose so you don’t have to. Now go kick some ass so I can focus on Flint and then come back to me where you belong. We’ll find another way to save Jaxon’s soul. If Cyrus wants the Crown this badly, I’m betting fixing a soul is the least it can do.”

Hudson’s face goes blank for one second, two, and I start to ask him what’s wrong. But then I realize it’s not blank at all. There are tears in his eyes, and he’s trying not to let them fall before he heads out to deliver the ass-kicking Cyrus and his allies so richly deserve.

Before he turns away, he squeezes the mating bond right back and finally opens himself up to me. And oh, what I see—as he reveals what’s really inside him—I learn what I’ve been missing. Learn that my fears have been groundless.

Because for me, Hudson’s love is endless.

155

I Never Promised

You Forever

Hudson starts to move back through the barrier, but before he can, Jaxon lands on the cliff right outside the cave entrance. He grabs on to the wall, and Macy drops her magic enough for him to stumble inside.

“Jaxon?” Macy gasps, reaching out.

But Hudson gets there first, catching him with an arm around his waist just as Jaxon’s legs give out. In a grim voice, Jaxon mutters, “Fucking Cyrus.”

“What’s wrong?” I ask, straining to see…and then wish I hadn’t. Because there are two massive bites on the side of his neck.

“No,” I whimper as I look at Hudson. “Don’t tell me that. Please don’t tell me he bit him.” But he did. The evidence is literally all over Jaxon. The eternal bite.

“What do we do?” Macy gasps as her gaze darts among the three of us. “How do we fix it?”

“We can’t fix it,” Hudson growls, and he’s shaking almost as badly as Jaxon now. “I’m going to kill him. I swear to God, I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.”

“Maybe I can—” I freeze, looking back and forth between Jaxon and Flint as my worst nightmare comes true.

“Save him,” Jaxon tells me, his voice already broken and shocked from the pain.

I remember that pain, remember every second of agony as Cyrus’s venom spread through me. I want to hold Jaxon, want to wrap myself around him and take the pain away, but I can’t even do that. I can’t do anything but watch him die.

“Did you hear me, Grace?” Jaxon reaches out, grabs hold of my hand. “Take it all. Take everything inside me and save Flint.”

“No.” I shake my head as tears I didn’t even realize I had left to cry spill down my cheeks. “No, Jaxon. No. Don’t ask me do that. I can’t. I—”

“Listen to me,” he grinds out. “We both know I’m dead already. My body just hasn’t hit the ground yet. Take whatever’s left in me, whatever you can get, and use it to save Flint.”

“Jaxon, I—”

“Please, Grace.” He squeezes my hand as tightly as he can manage. “I’m begging you. Do this for me. Please.”

My stomach revolts, and for a second I think I’m going to vomit.

How many times can one heart shatter?

How many times can I break wide open?

I’d do anything Jaxon asks of me, but I can’t do this. I can’t kill him. Not Jaxon. Please, God. Not Jaxon.

He must see it on my face, must know that I’m going to refuse, because now there are tears in his eyes, too. Hudson moves to lay him down, but he grabs on to me with his left hand. “Grace,” he says, and for that one moment, it’s as clear and commanding as anything he’s ever said to me. “If I ever meant anything to you, if you ever loved me at all, you’ll do this one last thing for me.”

My gaze finds Hudson, and he looks as devastated—as decimated—as I feel. But when our eyes meet, he nods.

And I know it’s the right thing to do, but still. It makes me so mad—at him, at Jaxon, at the whole fucking universe—because they aren’t the ones who have to do this. They aren’t the ones who will have to live with this for the rest of their lives.

“Okay,” I whisper, and I take one second—just one precious second—to smooth Jaxon’s hair back from his face. “I’ll do it.”

“Thank you,” he whispers, his hands dropping away from me.

“Lay him next to Flint,” I instruct, kneeling between them as Hudson does as I ask.

Once he’s settled, I put my hand around his wrist and ask, “Are you ready?”

He nods, even as he stares at me with pleading eyes. “Don’t leave me, okay?”

“What?”

“When it’s done, when Flint is healed… I know I don’t have the right to ask anything else of you, Grace. But please, I don’t want…” He closes his eyes, as if ashamed. “I don’t want to die alone.”

I only thought my heart was broken before because, just like that, it cracks straight down the middle. “You don’t have to worry about that,” I promise him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Behind me, Macy is sobbing full-out, and Hudson looks like he’s ready to rip his father limb from fucking limb—a plan I am more than on board with.

I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and prepare to kill the first boy I ever loved.

156

Talk About a Dustup