I am very under the weather, but I don’t bother stopping to tell that to Joe.

I have my own card key now, and I use it to call Damien’s private elevator. I ride up with no plan other than crawling into Damien’s bed and going to sleep until he returns from Chicago. I want to feel close to him for just a little longer. To breathe in the scent of him.

I want to make a memory of him, because I am about to sacrifice him in order to save him.

I have spent the last few hours thinking this through, and I see no other way. I can’t tell him about Sofia’s threat. If I do, he might let her go through with it. Might actually let her release those photos thinking somehow that he is protecting me. But I was in Germany with him, and I watched him break. And now that I’ve seen the photos myself, I am even more certain that those pictures plastered across the tabloids would destroy him. And every time he looked at me, he would see the reason for that intrusion into his life. Even if he could dig himself out of the inevitable hole, it would become a wedge between us. And I would rather walk away now than see our relationship shatter under the weight of something as vile as those photos.

I could go to the police, but how would that help? Then there would be more people aware of the photos and more risk that they are made public.

Even if I could tell him, so what? Could he convince Sofia not to release the photos? Maybe. But then he would live with that threat hanging over him for the rest of his life, and I do not want that for him or for us.

And would he even try to convince her? Or would he simply take control, doing whatever he had to in order to eliminate a threat? If what Sofia says is true, he killed Richter to protect her. Would he eliminate Sofia in order to protect himself? Me? Our relationship?

I honestly don’t know. And, frankly, that scares me, too.

So I will do what I must. I will end it. And then, somehow, I will try to survive.

The elevator glides to a stop and I quickly wipe away the tears that have spilled, just in case one of the staff is in the apartment. The doors open and I enter. I drop my purse on the bench that surrounds the floral arrangement, then move on through to the living room.

I stop short the moment I enter the room. Damien is sitting on the floor carefully lifting a frame from a reinforced shipping box. “Well, hello,” he says with a wide, welcoming grin. “Apparently I’m getting two presents today.”

I suck in air, recognizing the image from just the tiniest corner that is peeking out. It is the black-and-white photograph of the mountains at sunset, and I watch, frozen, as he pulls it out, gazes approvingly at it, and then reads the inscription on the back, neatly printed above the artist’s signature: To Damien, the sun will never set on our love. Yours always, Nikki.

I have to fight not to burst into tears.

“It’s beautiful,” he says to me. He rests it against the back of the couch and comes to me, his forehead creased. “Is something wrong?”

“How was Chicago?” I ask, postponing the inevitable.

“Productive.” He takes my hand and leads me around to the couch. “I was able to convince David to talk to me—he agrees that Sofia doesn’t need to be out on her own. She has too many issues, and without her meds . . . ” He trails off. I don’t bother telling him that I know. And that I agree one hundred percent.

“David let her crash at his apartment here in LA. She’s not there now—I checked—but I know what name she’s using, so it’s just a matter of time.”

“What’s the name?” I ask.

“Monica Karts. The last name is an anagram,” he says.

“I know. It took me a moment, but I figured that out.”

“A moment? I just told you.”

“No,” I say. “She told me. I’ve known her for a while now. Just casually. Someone to chat with at the Starbucks near my office.”

He bursts to his feet, but I take his hand and tug him back down. “Wait. I need to say something, and I need to do it fast. It’s why I came by, so please—please just let me get this out, okay?”

I can see the concern in his eyes, and it breaks my heart. But I tell myself there’s no other choice. I’ve been over all my options, and I simply don’t see a way clear that doesn’t lead straight to Damien being destroyed.

For so long, he’s been the one protecting me. This time, I’m doing whatever I can to protect him.

I draw in a breath, both for courage and to try to quell the way my body is trembling. My stomach twists violently, and I’m certain I am going to be sick. I shove it all down. I have to do this. I have to. I imagine that scalpel tight between my fingers and then, in what I have to acknowledge as bitter irony, I cling even tighter to Damien’s hand, fighting that craving for a blade. For the pain.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I finally manage to say. “I can’t live with the secrets and the half-truths and the obfuscation.”

I see shock in his eyes, then pain, and my heart twists.

Very slowly, very carefully, he says, “What are you talking about?”

“Sofia. She was in those photos and you didn’t tell me. Richter abused both of you together and you didn’t tell me. And you did kill Richter, Damien. You killed him to protect her.” I do not look at him. I cannot let him see that I do not blame him.

“Everything I told you about that night was true,” he says. I can hear the tight grip he has on control. Any tighter and it will shatter. “All I did was leave out the reason for the fight.”

“Sofia.”

“He was going to start whoring her out.” The words are as rough as sandpaper. “The son of a bitch was going to whore out his own daughter.”

“I see.” I speak calmly even though my blood runs cold. “But that doesn’t—that doesn’t change anything.” I am wishing for some sort of solution to fly down from the sky. For a magical bubble to swoop in and carry us off. But there is no bubble. There is only cold, hard reality. “I meant what I said. I can’t—I can’t do this anymore.”

I feel the lie pressing against me. I grab it and wrap it tight around me like a cloak. Because I need this lie. This lie has the power to save Damien even as it is ripping me apart. “I can’t live knowing that there are more and more secrets underneath,” I continue with my rehearsed words. “I can’t go on pretending the shadows don’t bother me.”

“Nikki.” His voice is tight and controlled, but I think I hear a hint of panic underneath, and my heart twists. All I want to do is hold him. All I want is to feel his arms around me.