"I'll do that," I said, trying (unsuccessfully by the looks on their faces) to be nonchalant.

"Z, is everything-"

I held up my hand to cut off Damien. "I'm tired. I'm kinda freaked about Erik. And, honestly, I need some alone time." I hadn't wanted to sound so totally bitchy, but I was getting beyond the point where I could keep the happy look plastered on my face and continue pretending that I wasn't shaking all over inside. And I absolutely would rather have my friends think I was PMS-ing than that I was ready to totally fall apart. High Priestesses in training didn't fall apart. They handled things. I really really really didn't want them to know that I was so not handling things. "Guys, could you just give me awhile. Please?"

"No problem," the Twins said together. "Later, Z."

"All right. I'll, uh, see you later, too," Damien said.

"Bye, Z," Jack said.

I waited till the door closed behind them before I walked slowly into the side room that was used as a dance studio and yoga room. It had a bunch of soft mats stacked in the corner and I sank down on them. My hands were shaking when I pulled my cell phone out of the pocket of my dress. Are U ok?

I keyed in the short text message and then sent it to the disposable cell phone I'd bought Stevie Rae. If felt like an eternity before she answered.

Im ok

Hang on I replied.

Hurry she texted back.

Will do

I closed my phone, leaned against the wall, and, feeling like the entire world was pressing down on my shoulders, I burst into sobbing, snotty tears.

I cried and shook and shook and cried while I hugged my legs hard to my chest and rocked back and forth. I knew what was wrong with me. It surprised me that no one else, not one of my friends, had figured it out. I'd thought Erik was dying, and it had brought back the night Stevie Rae had died in my arms. It was as if it was happening all over again-the blood, the sadness, the horror. It had completely blindsided me. I mean, I'd thought I was over what had happened to Stevie Rae. After all, she wasn't really dead. I'd just been fooling myself.

I'd been bawling so hard that I didn't know he was there until he touched my shoulder. I looked up, wiping tears from my eyes, trying to think of something reassuring to say to whatever friend had come back for me.

"I could feel that you needed me," Loren said.

With a sob I hurled myself into his arms. He sat beside me, pulling me onto his lap. Holding me tight, he murmured sweet words, telling me that everything would be okay now and that he'd never let me go. When I finally got myself under control and hiccupped instead of sobbed, Loren handed me one of his old-time linen hankies.

"Thanks," I muttered as I blew my nose and wiped my face. I tried not to look at myself in the wall of mirrors across from us, but I couldn't avoid catching a glimpse of my puffy eyes and red nose. "Oh, great. I look like utter crap."

Loren chuckled and shifted me on his lap so that I was facing him. He gently smoothed back my hair. "You look like a goddess who has been saddened by stress and hardship." I felt a little hysterical laughter bubble up from somewhere inside my chest. "I don't think goddesses snot on themselves."

He smiled. "Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that." Then his expression sobered. "When Erik Changed you thought he was dying, didn't you?"

I nodded, scared that if I said anything I'd start bawling again.

Loren's jaw clenched and unclenched. "I've told Aphrodite over and over that all fledglings, and not just fifth and sixth formers, should be aware of how the Change manifests in the final stage so that they're not frightened if they witness it."

"Does it hurt as bad as it looks like it does?"

"It is painful, but it's a good pain-if that makes sense. Think of it like sore muscles after you've worked out. They hurt, but it's not a bad hurt."

"Looked like a lot more than sore muscles," I said.

"It's not that bad-more shocking than painful actually. Sensations rush into your body and everything becomes hypersensitive." His hand caressed the side of my face as his finger lightly followed the line of my Mark.

"You'll experience it yourself some day."

"I hope so."

Neither of us said anything for a moment, although he continued to caresses my face and trace the Mark that decorated the side of my neck. His touch was making my body relax and tingle at the same time.

"But something else is upsetting you, isn't it?" Loren spoke gently. His voice was deep and musical and hypnotically beautiful. "It's more than just Erik's Change bringing back the memory of your friend's death." When I didn't say anything, he leaned forward and kissed me on my forehead, touching his lips softly to the crescent-moon tattoo. I shivered.