“No thanks,” Alex said wryly. “When this trip is over I’m headed somewhere warm for a week. Hawaii, or maybe Mexico. I don’t care where as long as it’s warm. I’ll check out the stars when I get there.”

Alex pulled a compass out of a side pack pocket. It was set into a rectangle of clear plastic with ruler marks and an arrow.

“Ever use one before?” Ryan sounded politely curious. He had to have seen the completely blank look on Alex’s face as he studied the compass. The only navigation Alex had ever done was with a GPS system in a rental car. He doubted the compass would speak graciously to him and recalculate his route when he made a wrong turn.

“No.” He’d seen Ryan check their route several times with a compass and map. Every time the weather briefly cleared or they had a good view of their surroundings, Ryan double-checked their progress. He seemed to be the main navigator. Both Jim and Thomas deferred to the younger man and clearly trusted his guidance. The GPS units were still giving different readings and Alex had been surprised when the other men shrugged off this obstacle. They had confidence in Ryan’s skill with a compass.

Ryan was a smart kid behind all the cockiness and chatter. But he’d been quieter as evening approached, coughing and occasionally rubbing at his gut. Alex hoped Ryan wasn’t coming down with the flu. This wasn’t the environment to get sick. Alex frowned as he felt sweat trickle down his back. They’d been resting for ten minutes, so he shouldn’t be sweating. Was he catching something too? Shit.

“You feeling OK?” Alex thought Ryan looked too pale.

The younger man shrugged. “Seem to be picking up a cough. Stomach’s not feeling so great. Almost feels like I need to—”

“Hey. What was the deal with Brynn freezing over that river? She doesn’t seem like the kind of person who’d do that.” Alex rapidly changed the subject, not wanting to hear details about Ryan’s digestive tract. He nervously rubbed at the sweat on his temples as he glanced around for Brynn. She was practicing hand commands with Kiana thirty yards away. Too far to overhear his questions.

And he’d been wondering since the incident. After the crossing, the rest of the crew had exchanged words and looks that spoke of a deeper understanding of what happened to her. Alex had felt left out and figured it was none of his business. He’d told himself he shouldn’t be interested, because what went on with these people had nothing to do with him and his goal. These people were simply a means to an end.

But now he felt a little more connected, sucked into their lives. He knew Ryan the best. He had helped Alex out of the mud, talked his ear off, and teasingly harassed him about the fake bone.

He felt comfortable asking Ryan about Brynn because he seemed like one of those guys who was impossible to offend. The guy would talk about anything. Unlike Thomas. Alex had yet to hear him get chatty, but that was all right. Ryan was chatty enough for the whole group. Alex usually didn’t say a word; Ryan carried both sides of a conversation just fine.

Surprisingly, Ryan bit his lip and hesitated at the question about Brynn.

“Hey, if it’s private…”

“Nah, it’s not like that. Everyone knows what happened. I was thinking it’s her story to tell, but I know it rips her gut every time she has to talk about it.”

“Oh.” A twinge of guilt made Alex sit back and reconsider. It was none of his business. But for some reason the thought of that confident woman having a painful past made his chest hurt. Maybe hearing about the state of Ryan’s digestive system would be better.

“I think she was eight or nine years old when it happened.” “It?”

Ryan rubbed at his reddened nose.

“Her best friend died after slipping off a makeshift log bridge. A lot like what we crossed today. Nothing to hang on to for balance though. And it was summertime.”

“Shit. Brynn was there?”

“Yeah. Right behind her friend on the bridge. Brynn fell too, but managed to hang on somehow.” He sniffed, casting a quick glance at Brynn, who was in deep conversation with Jim. “A search team found her clinging to the log, nearly unconscious. They figured she’d been in the water for hours. Luckily the water wasn’t cold that time of year. Her friend was found several miles down the river.”

Alex was silent.

“Brynn swears that’s when she knew she wanted to do search and rescue. She wanted to save people like she’d been saved. I guess that’s why she became a nurse too.” Ryan studied the compass in his hands, his mouth tight.

How does she stomach working with more death?

Alex’s heart was pounding, and he wiped at his forehead. Why’d he feel like he’d been running for ten minutes instead of resting? He took a series of deep breaths. Ryan noticed.

“Hey. You OK?” Ryan frowned. “You look kinda rattled.”

Alex felt rattled. His heart rate wouldn’t slow, and his shakes were getting more frequent. “Bad story.”

“Yeah. It is.” Ryan looked unconvinced. “You feeling all right? Want me to grab Brynn?”

“No!” Alex snapped and felt instant guilt. “I’m fine, just need to relax.”

Suddenly he knew what it was. Withdrawal. He’d been without his anxiety medication for twenty-four hours, and his body was protesting. He took the stuff only at night to help him sleep, but apparently, his body was really missing the habit. He’d had no idea those tiny pills could affect him this way. Hopefully, he’d be through the worst of it soon. And he was done taking the damn things. If he still had problems sleeping, he’d invest in some boring books. He floundered for a question to distract Ryan.