And her breasts. My God, the rounded globes pushed up and showed just enough flesh to be enticing without being slutty.

I stroke myself faster and my breathing becomes heavier. I think about the time when we were lying under the stars at Hawks Stadium. I think even then, I had the urge to touch her. Kiss her. But she was off-limits, raw from a failed relationship. But the way she looked at me tonight when she offered me her hand—it was far from the look of a broken woman. It was intense. And I swear we shared more unspoken words with that one look than the countless conversations we’ve had.

My balls tighten as I once again think of her breasts and what they might look like if her magnificent dress was in a heap on my floor. As I wonder what her tall and fit body would feel like under mine. I give myself a few last tugs before I stiffen and shout out with my release.

I put my phone down and go in the bathroom to clean up. When I’m done, I brace my arms on the counter and lock eyes with my reflection. “Face it, Kessler, you’ve got it bad.”

I grab a beer and watch the end of an episode. Then I stare at my phone, wanting so badly to pick it up and ask her out. But I can’t. I can’t take Murphy on a date. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the rule. Nobody gets past it. I’ve broken it for no one.

What if I date her and then get spooked after number three? I’ve no doubt dated some great girls over the years. Girls who clearly were not after me because of my fame and my bank account. But I ditched them. All of them. What if I do that to Murphy? What if I ruin everything right along with our friendship?

But if I don’t try, will Corey or someone else take the opportunity? Hell, for all I know, Corey’s at home rubbing one out too.

Shit.

The thought of another guy getting off to a picture of her—to the mere thought of her—makes me something I’ve never been before … territorial. And I know for sure I don’t want anyone else having her. So despite the late hour, or the early one, I pick up my phone.

Me: Text me as soon as you wake up.

Murph: I’m up. Is everything okay?

My heart pounds in my chest. I didn’t expect her to respond. I thought I’d have the night to think about how I was going to play this. Damn, I’m nervous as hell. I don’t even get this nervous when I’m at bat and forty thousand fans are watching me.

Murph: What’s wrong, Caden? You’re scaring me.

Me: Nothing. Sorry. Just didn’t expect you to be awake at this hour. What are you doing up so late?

Murph: You’d laugh at me if I told you.

I smile because I already know.

Me: You aren’t watching channel 144, are you?

Murph: No.

Murph: Okay, yes.

Murph: Wait. How’d you know it was on 144? Unless you’re watching too.

Me: I’m watching it too.

Murph: LOL

Murph: Why did you want me to text you tomorrow? Uh, today.

Here it goes. My fingers hesitate before I type out the text. I close my eyes for a second, hoping I’m not about to make this stupid move that will make it monumentally awkward for us if she shoots me down.

Me: I’ve been thinking.

Murph: Easy, boy. Don’t go pulling a muscle or anything.

Me: Can I finish please?

Murph: Sorry.

Me: I’ve been thinking that maybe you should come over to my place for dinner.

Murph: Another double date?

Me: Not a double date. I don’t bring girls here. It would just be you and me.

Murph: In case you haven’t noticed yet, Kessler, I’m a girl.

Me: I’m well aware, Murphy Brown. Believe me, I’m well aware.

She doesn’t text me right back. Did I scare her off? Is she getting the picture? Is she trying to figure out how to let me down easy?

Murph: You want to cook for me?

Me: Well, I was kind of hoping you would help with the cooking. And maybe we could have a nice bottle of wine. And then we could watch a movie or something.

Murph: Let me get this straight. You want me to come to your place so we can cook dinner together. And drink wine. And watch a movie. Caden, that sounds awfully close to being a date.

Me: Not a date. Just a thing.

Murph: And when will this thing be happening?

Me: When is your next day off?

Murph: Wednesday.

Me: I’ll pick you up Tuesday at seven.

Murph: Okay, it’s a date.

Me: No. It’s not.

Murph: LOL. Whatever you say, Kessler.

Chapter Twenty-eight

Murphy

“I think the apartment is clean now,” Trick says from her perch on the barstool where she’s been watching me. “In fact, it was clean two hours ago. We could eat off the floor. Would you sit down already?”

I put the dust rag away and grab a bottle of water before I plop down on the stool next to her and quench my anxiety-driven bone-dry mouth.

“You look as nervous as a whore in church,” she says, laughing.

I put my forehead down against the countertop. “I’m going to screw this up, aren’t I?”

She puts a comforting hand on my back. “You aren’t going to screw anything up, Murphy. Just be yourself. That’s the person he wants to be with. Nothing has changed.”

I look at her like she’s crazy. “Everything’s changed, Trick.”

“You said yourself you aren’t even sure this is a date. Maybe it’s not. Maybe this is you guys testing the waters or something, you know, before you decide to dive in.”

Maybe she’s right. Earlier, I let her read our texts from the other night. The ones where he called it a ‘thing.’ What does that even mean? He doesn’t want to call it a date. Maybe that’s because he’s not sure he wants it to be one. Oh, God. That’s even worse. It’s going to be like an audition or something.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

I run into the bathroom and splash some water on my face. I look at the girl in the mirror and shake my head. What happened to the calm, confident woman who could walk a runway? “Get it together, Murph,” I say to myself, pulling out my makeup to do one last re-touch. “It’s just Caden.”

I try to convince myself this is no big deal. That going to the apartment of one of the most recognized professional athletes in New York is just an everyday thing for me.

“Murphy!” Trick calls from the other room. “Caden’s here.”

I give myself one last look in the mirror. One last mental pep talk before I walk out there and try not to make a fool out of myself.

I blow out a big breath and open the door. Caden smiles when he sees me. I walk over to him, picking up my purse along the way. He takes a few steps forward and kisses me on the cheek. My flesh burns where his lips touch me. He’s kissed me like this before. But those were different. Those were friendly kisses, the same as he’d give his sister. Those weren’t lingering ones like this one. They weren’t followed by him taking a whiff of my hair. They weren’t punctuated by the inviting stare he’s giving me right now.

He touches my arm. “You ready to go?”

I smile and nod. Like a love-sick schoolgirl, I lost the ability to speak as soon as he put his hand on me.

Caden says goodbye to Trick and escorts me into the hallway. He grabs my hand on the way to the elevator.

Caden Kessler is holding my hand. Oh, my God!

His hand is big and soft, except for the calluses on his palm up by his fingers. He holds my hand confidently in his, like we’ve done it many times before. Like he hasn’t just caused my insides to flip upside down and inside out. Like he hasn’t just confirmed my deepest desire and my greatest fear all at once.

We stand silently, waiting for the elevator to arrive. I stare at our entwined hands in the shiny chrome doors. When I look up, he catches my eyes in our reflection. He leans close to me. “This isn’t a date, Murphy Brown.” Then he squeezes my hand and runs his thumb up and down across mine.

“I know,” I tell him, finally finding my words. “It’s just a thing.”

When we arrive at his apartment twenty minutes later, I realize the only time he let go of my hand was when he paid the cabbie. But he finally releases me when we walk through his door. I walk to the center of the room and spin around, taking it all in. I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t this.

My eyes take in the view from his living room. It’s nice. Much nicer than the view at Trick’s place. But it’s not at all what I envisioned. It’s so … normal. I figured he’d have an unobstructed view of the Freedom Tower, or maybe a prized location overlooking New York Harbor.

I look at his kitchen where I’d expect to find an oversized refrigerator, a wine cooler and top-of-the-line countertops. But it looks just like Trick’s, only bigger. His living room is tastefully decorated, with a large L-shaped leather couch overlooking the view and a regular-sized flat-screen TV in the corner.

As someone who plays baseball in televised games, I was sure he’d have a big-screen TV.

“What?” he asks, seeing my reaction.

“For a guy who makes a gazillion dollars, I guess I thought you’d live in the penthouse suite with a maid and a butler.”

“I told you before, Murph, I could be living on borrowed time. I’m not about to blow my money on frivolous things and then end up homeless when I can no longer play.” Then he chuckles. “And I do have a housekeeper. Her name is Maria. She comes every Monday.”

“You said you never bring girls here. Why?”

“Same reason I don’t give them my phone number. It makes me too easy to find.”

“But you gave me your number the day we met. And now here I am, standing in your apartment.”

“You’re different, Murphy.”

“Why am I different, Caden? Why didn’t you bring Kate here? Kate was nice. I find it hard to believe you haven’t dated other nice girls. Girls who aren’t after you for anything but who you are.”

He shrugs. “You never can tell. Even with the nice ones. I’ve seen it happen too many times. Ball players get married and then end up divorced, paying child support for kids they never get to see and alimony to a woman they’ve come to despise.”