I run up the stairs. I really need a good workout to get rid of this energy. I feel like I am two steps from losing control of myself. I’m angry. I’m angry at myself for ever f**king my life up. I’m mad at cancer for getting Matt sick. I’m mad at my life. I’m mad at me. I’m mad at a system that couldn’t protect Edward or his sister. I’m just mad in general.

I walk into the apartment and the lights are out. Thank God, nobody’s home. A sliver of light shines from beneath my door. I open it and see Reagan sprawled across my bed reading a book. She sits up and brushes her hair back from her face. “You’re home,” she says. She smiles at me. It’s so pretty and so sweet and so not what I need right now.

“You shouldn’t be here right now,” I say.

“What?” Her eyebrows scrunch together.

“You should go back to your apartment,” I say. I mess with things on the dresser so I won’t have to look at her.

“No,” she says. “What’s wrong?” she asks.

“I had a long day. I don’t particularly want any company.” I know that I’m hurting her, but if she stays, I can’t be what she needs.

“Pete,” she starts. “Tell me what happened today.”

“What happened with you?” I ask. “Was your dad pissed you spent the night here?” With the ex-con. I don’t say the last part, but I think it.

“He was,” she says with a nod. She’s choosing her words with care. “But he’s my dad. He’s supposed to act like that.”

Her hand lands on my shoulder, and I flinch. She flinches too, but she doesn’t draw it back. I squeeze my eyes shut and rest my hands on the dresser, my elbows locked. I want to crawl into a ball in the corner and rock myself to sleep. No, I don’t. I want to draw Reagan into my arms and sink inside her and make her a part of me and let her take all this. But she can’t. She’s not made for that.

“You should go, Reagan,” I say again.

“No,” she replies. She tries to turn me to face her, but I won’t budge. She blows out a breath and ducks down to slide under my arm, getting between me and the dresser. I back up. I can’t be this close to her. I can’t. It’s not all right.

“I can’t be what you need right now,” I say quietly. My voice shakes.

“What do you think I need?” she whispers.

I swallow past the lump in my throat and flex my fingers, making fists over and over. “You need to be loved calmly and carefully. And I can’t do either tonight. You need to go.” I can’t even look at her. I can’t.

“You think I need to be loved calmly and carefully,” she says slowly.

I nod, sucking my piercing into my mouth to toy with it.

“You want to know what I think?” she asks.

“What?” I grunt. Apparently, I’ve turned into a caveman who can only speak in monosyllables.

“I think I need to be loved…completely.”

My gaze jerks to hers. Her eyes are soft, and a smile plays around her mouth.

She walks to me and takes my face in her hands.

“I do love you completely,” I say. “But…”

She shakes her head. “No, you don’t. You hold back because you’re afraid to hurt me.” She wraps her arms around my neck, and her lips hover an inch from mine. She whispers. “Love me completely, Pete.”

I growl and jerk her shirt over her head and pull her pajama bottoms down, her panties going with them. She doesn’t shy away from me, so I walk her backward toward the bed. She takes a step back every time I take a step forward, until she has no choice but to sit back on the bed. She scoots to the center of the bed, and I drink in my fill of her as I watch her undress really quickly. “I can’t be calm or careful,” I warn, “but I’ll stop if you tell me to. Just say the word.”

“I know,” she says. She crooks a finger at me, but I don’t let her take charge. I grab her foot and jerk her to me. I immediately worry that I’m being too rough, but she just laughs.

“I need to be inside you,” I say as I grab a condom and roll it onto my dick. “I don’t think I can wait.”

She doesn’t say a word.

I spit into my hand because I’m afraid she’ll be dry. I rub my dick with it and crawl to lie between her legs. I palm her ass and tip her toward me, and then I surge inside her in one hard push, hitting it hard enough that she moves on the bed, her head pushing toward the headboard. She cries out. But she’s not crying out in pain.

“Don’t stop,” she says. She yanks my hair in her hands and forces me to look into her eyes. “Let me be what you need, so you can be what I need, too.” Her breaths stutter from her as I stroke inside her. I can’t get enough of her. I can’t get deep enough. I push both her legs toward her chest, which tips her bottom up higher. Her hands clutch my ass, pulling me in, deeper and harder with every thrust. I am fully inside her, taking every inch of her silken sheath as she accepts me. She accepts my anger. She accepts my helplessness. She accepts my love for her.

“Pete,” she cries. She breathes out my name, over and over, and I feel her pu**y contract around my dick, milking me as she comes. But I’m not ready to be done. I flip her over and pick her up on her knees and then I’m inside her again. I grab her thighs and pull her back to me, and she feels even tighter this way, if that’s possible. She lies down, her face against the sheets and her ass in the air. She lets me power into her from behind. I’m rough and abrasive and I f**king love her so much. I roll her hair around my fist so I can turn her head and kiss her. Her tongue touches mine, and she her lips quiver. I reach around her and find her clit, rubbing it the way I know she likes. I slow my movements and bring her to orgasm until she’s quaking in my arms.