But most likely not.

He does not tell her any of that.

She inhales sharply. “You would let me go?”

“Finest hours,” he says. “You must have heard that part, too.”

“I heard also that you believe this world you claim you can save is doomed.”

He does not answer, merely stands, enjoying the warmth of her body near his, the sweetness of her breath on his face.

She disparages, “You would deceive me for a single kiss.”

“I would raze worlds for a single kiss.”

“Try saving one, for far more than that.”

“The fabric of their Universe is damaged. Without the song, it is not possible.”

She says, “You are the Unseelie King. You will find a way.”

“That sounds suspiciously like faith in me,” he mocks.

“You see faith where only a challenge has been issued. Will you fail?”

He lowers his head again, until their lips are nearly touching. “Kiss me as if you remember me. Inspire this wild god as once you did. Incite poetry and fire with your passion and perhaps I’ll find a way.”

She looks up at him and shivers, then places her small, lovely hands on his face and it’s his turn to shudder. She’s touching him. Of her own volition. Music dances on his skin, translating from her palms into his very being. A stolen touch can never compete with a voluntary touch of hunger, passion, desire. The aria of choice is joyous, the cacophony of force brutal, ugly, and cold.

She kisses him reluctantly, barely brushing her warm lips to his icy ones.

This time, unlike so many others, he doesn’t take charge, or seek to deepen the kiss. Merely stands after the agony of half a million years of grieving this woman, basking in his first moment free of pain. Breathes it, inhales it, allows the particles of his being the chance to become for a single glorious moment something other than drawn in tightly upon himself in a frozen, eternal shudder of denial and crushing loss. Regret is poison that kills the soul.

She cries out against his lips, draws back and looks up at him. “Such grief! It is too much. I cannot endure it!”

“If you believe nothing else I tell you, my queen, believe my pain. Consider the cause.”

Then he is gone.

40

“There’s a beast and I let it run”

MAC

Five days later, a full eight days since Barrons was killed on the top of the mountain, he’s still not back and I’m edgy as hell and only a minor part of it is due to being in the full throes of Unseelie-flesh withdrawal. The fact that I know he always comes back doesn’t mean I can’t still think of a gazillion reasons to worry.

I don’t know where the Nine are “reborn.” I don’t how far away it is. I don’t even know if it’s on this planet. What if he gets stuck in an IFP? What if he tries to hurry, risks taking a plane and encounters a black hole? Would it kill him again and he’d be reborn, or like K’Vruck, does this strange new Fae-fabricated development on our world possess the ability to really, truly kill him?

In the past, it’s taken him as few as four days to return. However, it took him nearly a month to make it back to Dublin after Ryodan and I killed him on that cliff in Faery. It’s the second time he’s died on a cliff. I make a mental note to avoid cliffs with Barrons in the future.

I won’t survive another three weeks. I’m driving myself crazy.

I’m still invisible and beginning to feel like the real emotional and mental me is getting sketchy around the edges, with no one to see me, and no reflection in the mirror. I’ve begun to worry I might fade entirely away.

I don’t have the heart to visit my parents and try to explain why I’m invisible.

The Book still hasn’t stirred once, not since the day it made me vanish, which continues to freak me out. I’ve begun to wonder if something happened to it. Surely it doesn’t plan to leave me invisible forever. While I love the power and safety from my enemies it confers, I’m getting a little tired of looking in the mirror and seeing nothing. I like seeing me. I like Barrons seeing me, watching his dark eyes get heavy-lidded and hot with desire.

I can’t put on makeup. I tried to blow my hair dry a few days ago and succeeded only in scorching my eyebrows and drying out my eyes. It’s been weeks since I did my nails. I can’t even see them to take the polish off. Yesterday I was struck by a sudden fear I was going to get fat and wouldn’t even know it. I had to dash out and find a scale in a nearby house and weigh myself. Unfortunately, every time I stepped on it, I turned the scale invisible, too. You don’t realize how reassuring it is to see yourself every day until you can’t anymore. Last night, while pacing the bookstore, I found a book called The Invisible Man and decided to read it to see how he handled things, but I couldn’t bear the suspense of his struggles so I skipped to the end.