I turned around abruptly and flung my arms around Jaxon’s neck. He hugged me tightly, his eyes never leaving them. Though he looked deceptively cool, his breaths were raggedy and short.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed against me.

I looked up at his face, memorizing the lines, the curves, every little thing I could use to mentally escape from what was to come.

I shook my head despairingly. “No sorrys. I love you.”

His whole body tensed and then trembled. “I love you.”

We stared at each other, communicating in the silence our love. I wasn’t saying good bye to him. I was telling him I’d see him again very soon. Whether there was an after-life or not, we were going to the same place. It was hauntingly peaceful coming to terms with that.

I turned away from him and climbed onto the bed, observing how frozen Jaxon stood with the blonde man’s gun pointed directly at him. I carefully watched as the bald man rested the gun on the night table and climbed in after me. He grabbed me suddenly by the hair and yanked me hard up to where the headboard was.

“This ain’t personal,” bald man whispered from somewhere behind me. “Rules are rules.”

He flipped me onto my back, and I didn’t fight it. I succumbed to obedience, going against my instincts to thrash with all my might. This was survival mode for me; whatever he was going to throw my way, I would take it, and not because I was weak, but because it might give me the one opportunity I’d prepared for a long time ago.

I looked up at the ceiling as he tore my shorts off, counting away at the wooden panels. From my peripheral I saw the blonde man shift from one foot to the other, as if he were antsy.

“Please,” Jaxon begged hoarsely. “Don’t do this to her. Please.”

Bald man paused and glanced over at Jaxon. “You open your mouth again and I’ll cut her fingers off and shove them down your throat.”

My body trembled at his words. I didn’t need to feed on my fear. I needed to remain calm. 12, 13, 14, 15…

I felt sweaty, foreign hands up my legs. I pressed my lips tight and fought the nausea begging its way out. Fingers touched at my entrance and it took everything in me not to sob. This was violation of the worst form. All of me stripped bare.

I was gone. My humility scrapped by a man who simply followed orders and would, without thought, forget me. I was the lowest form of being; a thing whose life meant nothing for the right price.

22, 23, 25 – shit, 24, 25, 26…

“This girl’s wet already.” His voice was softer, as if mesmerized by what he saw and felt.

“Well hurry the fuck up already,” grunted the blonde man. “I want my go.”

He didn’t hurry. He dragged his hands up and down my thighs and then at my entrance again. I felt him at my folds, opening and probing me.

I tried. God, I tried to leave my body and think of everything good in my life. But there was nothing good in my life. There had just been Jaxon, and that wasn’t enough anymore because he was being stripped from me again.

Hot breaths rode up my stomach and then my bra tugged harshly down until they sat around my ribcage.

Hot breaths on my breasts.

Hot breaths at on my neck.

35, 36, 37…

I shut my eyes and drowned out the noise of a belt unbuckling…

I slowly trailed my hand up. I felt the edge of the pillow and then I brought it underneath it. My legs spread apart and my breath hitched in my throat as his body sank in between them. I felt his hard flesh against my opening…

Something cold and hard was felt beneath the pillow. I gripped the switch blade and pressed the button on the handle. I opened my eyes. Focusing now on picking the perfect time to strike, I knew I couldn’t be hasty.

I kept my eyes focused at the wooden panels, counting away and waiting for him to sink into me. I heard Jaxon’s helpless panting from behind me, felt the man shudder above me, and then I felt the heaviness of his torso rest over me.

“Look at her,” said the blonde man in astonishment. “Slut isn’t even fighting back.”

Bald man’s face crashed into mine. His lips pressed roughly into my mouth as his hand clenched my chin and pulled my mouth down so he could swirl his tongue inside of me. The taste of smoke and mint would forever ruin me. I watched him with his eyes closed and his hand tightly wound around me – watched how distracted he was trying to bring himself into me. Watched with unbelievable focus because I knew what needed to be done and I knew I only had one chance.

This was it. Do it already!

I wrapped my free arm around his neck and pulled him deeper into my mouth, kissing him back with every bit of me until he groaned and pushed into me.

My heart hardened, my shaking subsided, and for an instant I felt like the world had stopped still and watched me morph from victim… to killer.

I plunged the blade into the side of his neck and right below the ear, grunting as I expelled every grain of strength in me. His body erupted like an earthquake, trying hard to pull away as I continued to tighten my hold around his neck with everything in me, sinking the blade in and in. Blood splattered everywhere and flowed freely out of the hole in him, covering my face, neck and torso in puddles. The more he fought me, the more the blade cut across his neck.

Loud noises erupted. I heard a body slam against a wall, the shouts of the blonde man and Jaxon roaring like an enraged animal. I remembered immediately the blond man had a gun. I let go of the bald man who staggered off of me with a hand to his neck; his eyes wide, his mouth open, his face the look of terror as the blood poured and poured right out of him. I’d caught him in the jugular vein. He’d bleed out in a matter of –

He made it three steps before he collapsed in a heap on the hardwood floors.

Jaxon was against the wall, fighting to get the gun out of the second man’s hand. They struggled and then I watched in horror as the blonde man’s fingers tightened around the trigger. A shot rang out, hitting the ceiling above us. And then another… And another…

Completely naked and dripping in another man’s blood, I staggered out of the bed and grabbed the gun off the night table. I aimed it at the killer’s back, every instinct telling me to pull the trigger, but I couldn’t. Would the bullet go through him and hit Jaxon? Would I miss? They were moving around unsteadily. What if I shot Jaxon?

Before I could think of anything else, I aimed the gun somewhere safer and away from Jaxon. And then I pulled the trigger.