“Needles?” I gasped.

“Yes. I was always very careful not to break her skin, even when she begged me to. But she loved sharp points and needles. She also liked candle and wax play.”

“What…exactly do you do with candles and wax?”

“You can do a lot of things. She liked me to hold a taper over her breasts and let the hot wax drip on her nipples. She also liked me to penetrate her with a lit candle.”

I gasped again, my hands over my mouth.

He smiled. “Not the end that was lit.”

God, I felt stupid. “Of course. I knew that.”

“Is this overwhelming for you? Are you sorry you asked?”

“No, I need to know.”

“I promise you that candles and needles aren’t my thing.”

Something snapped in me. So candles weren’t his thing. But…what would that feel like? To have hot wax dripping down my breasts, over my nipples? Did I want to know?

Before I could ponder any further, Jonah went on.

“Kerry liked them, and because I was her Dominant and I wanted to please her, I did them. And she liked being watched, so I did them in front of other people.”

“But you were the Dominant. Wasn’t it her job to please you?”

“It’s not like that, baby. It’s a two-way street. We please each other. It’s all about pleasure for both the Dom and the sub.”

This was all a lot to digest. “Did you…enjoy those things? The candles and the needles?”

“Even though they’re not really my thing, I did, but only because she enjoyed them. You have to understand the Dominant personality. Yes, I like to be in charge, but it’s never my desire to hurt anyone. I want to ultimately bring pleasure, not pain. Sometimes, though, pain is pleasure.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever understand that.”

“You may not. I’ve often wondered myself why this is the type of play that appeals to me. You’re a therapist, so you tell me. Why do you suppose I like that?”

Nothing like being put on the spot. “Honestly, the type of sex a person likes has very little to do with other parts of his life. But if I had to make a guess, I’d say you need to be in control.”

“Why would I need to be in control? I mean, I used to go to skid row and deliberately get beat up, just so I could punish myself for not being there for Talon.”

I nearly snapped my neck with a double take. “You did? You did that on purpose?”

“Aw, hell… I never told you that, did I? Fuck.”

My heart went out to him. “You can tell me anything. You know that. Nothing will change the way I feel about you.”

“I’m not sure that’s true…”

“Of course it’s true. How could you doubt my love for you?”

He didn’t respond.

“You don’t go out looking for trouble anymore, do you?”

“No. I haven’t had a desire to. But wouldn’t it make more sense if I wanted to take a submissive role in the bedroom?”

“No. Not at all. You’re a heterosexual male, so you have sex with women. Women didn’t abuse Talon. Men did. So you were trying to be punished by men because you felt it should have been you instead of Talon. But in your relationships with women, you like to exert control, and that could be because of any number of things. There could be no bigger explanation for them than that you’re the owner of a very successful ranch. Your whole life is about control.”

“You think?”

I smiled. “Jonah, it takes months of therapy to uncover things like this. That’s just my best guess at this point.”

“I see. I hope you’re not sorry I told you these things.”

I touched his face. “Not at all. It helps me understand you a little bit better to be honest. But truthfully…I don’t think I want to go to your club.”

“It’s not my club. I told you, I haven’t been there in over five years, and I have no desire to go there anymore. I’ve grown out of a lot of that stuff. Whether that’s good or bad, I don’t know. Some people live their whole lives in that lifestyle. Others just experiment. Everyone is different.”

“Are you saying you were experimenting?”

“With Kerry, because she was into some stuff that I wasn’t. And with the others…some yes and some no.”

“I think… I think I’ve heard enough for now.”

“At least you’re not running out of here.”

“No. I won’t leave you. I love you. And your past is part of who you are today. But I need to go slowly.”

“I understand. Today I was determined just to make slow, sweet love to you, Melanie. I wanted to do what you wanted, what you deserved. Because that’s how much I love you. I want to please you more than I want to please myself. I wasn’t even going to lick you…down there.” He smiled. “But when you asked me to, I couldn’t help myself.”

I smiled. “I never thought I would enjoy anal play. I had no idea that part of me was so sensitive.”

“It’s pretty amazing.”

“It is.” I somehow felt very daring. “So turn over. Let’s see how you like it.”

Chapter Thirty–Five

Jonah

“Melanie,” I said. “I think you’re forgetting that I like to take a dominant role.”

“And you’re forgetting that I love you. I want to show you the pleasure that you show me.”

I laughed out loud. “I can’t fault your reasoning.”

“And I assure you,” she said, “I will never ever think of you as anything but a truly dominant male. You are the epitome of a man’s man. Broad shoulders, amazing muscles in your arms and legs. And the way you stood up to Dr. Cates… Wow. I know you will protect me with life and limb if you have to.”

I turned to her and cupped her cheeks, staring at her beautiful green eyes. “Absolutely, Melanie. I would do anything for you. I’d take a bullet for you if I had to.”

Guilt rushed over me. I hadn’t been there when she needed me. If only I had taken that phone call… I had been over this in my mind time and time again. Even if I had taken the phone call, I might not have been able to get there in time. Talon and I were already on our way out of town. And I didn’t know how long she was in her loft before they left. But I could’ve at least gotten the police involved. Yes, she had said 9-1-1 had rung busy. But I would’ve stayed on the fucking phone until I got a goddamned answer. I would have turned the world on its side to keep her safe.