She looked at me out of the corner of her eye and gave me a small reassuring nod that made some of the bands of tension surrounding my chest loosen.

“Mr. Fuller, how is it that you had no prior knowledge of the child?”

I felt a little bit of heat work up into my neck and was grateful that my beard covered it up. I reminded myself to be honest, no matter how bad it might make me look. I had made mistakes and I needed to own up to that.

“I wasn’t in a relationship with his mother. I met her at a particularly difficult time in my life, and we were just two strangers that took solace in one another. I never saw or spoke with her after the one night we spent together. I didn’t know about Hyde until after she had passed away. A friend that was concerned about what was happening with him actually tracked me down.”

He looked at me over the rim of his glasses again. I broke out in a cold sweat and told myself not to flinch under his steady gaze. I wanted to appear as confident and as steady as I could.

“Is that a common occurrence for you, Mr. Fuller? Do you often have encounters with women whom you never speak to or see again?”

Sayer stiffened next to me, and I sat up straighter in my seat and met the guy’s stare with one of my own. “I’ve been single since the girl I was engaged to left me. I date, and yes, I have had encounters with other unattached women that didn’t last more than one night. However, I was raised by a single mother and have an older sister and I have a ten-year-old niece that I adore. I know how to treat women with respect and reverence, even if it is only for a brief amount of time.”

He didn’t so much as blink as he returned his attention to the papers in front of him. I gave Sayer a questioning look and she mouthed, “It’s okay,” before she reached out and gave my leg a little squeeze. That felt like a lot more than an attorney trying to soothe her client.

“Your sister is the reason you found yourself in trouble a few years back, correct?”

I stiffened and nodded. “Yes. She was living with a guy that liked to use her as a punching bag. He went too far with his abuse one night, and I flew off the handle. My sister was hurt so badly that she ended up in the hospital. I attacked him in their apartment, which led to me being arrested and serving a prison sentence.”

“I can see that you served a little over two years on the assault charge.”

“I did. But I haven’t gotten so much as a speeding ticket since I was released.”

“I also see that your niece witnessed all of this.” It wasn’t a question and I saw the corner of his mouth tighten and felt Sayer stiffen next to me.

“She did. I thought she was with her grandmother at the time. I didn’t know she was home when I went over to confront my sister’s ex. One of the first things I did when I got locked up was enroll in every kind of anger management program they had because I never wanted my niece to see me lose my temper like that again. It scared her and it scared me. I know what I did wasn’t right, and I’m sorry every day that Joss has to live with the memory of what I did to her father.”

Sayer stood back up. “It’s been more than five years since Zeb was released from prison. He subsequently started his own very successful company and stayed on the straight and narrow. There are no other transgressions on his record and he has all the familial support anyone could ask for when planning to be a full-time parent.”

“Your client has no other children, and by his own admission is looking at being a single parent, considering that he is currently unattached. Do you understand the kind of commitment you are facing by being the child’s sole legal and physical guardian, Mr. Fuller? I’m questioning whether or not the gravity of the situation you are asking the court to weigh in on is clear to you.”

Of course it was fucking clear to me. Why else would I sit here and let some stranger pick apart not only my sexual history but the entirety of everything I had screwed up in my life?

“Mr. Fuller is very aware of the seriousness of the situation, Your Honor. He has followed every direction decreed by the court and by the court advocates as he has gotten to know Hyde. He has followed all the rules set out before him, all in pursuit of making sure he had the opportunity to know and raise his son.”

The judge looked over to Maria, who was sitting slightly off to the side, and she climbed to her feet and walked up to the podium that was next to the table we were sitting at, and introduced herself for the record. She looked over at me and then back to the judge.

“Hyde is a sweet, smart little boy, Your Honor. He has taken to Mr. Fuller, and it is my opinion that they have bonded in a short amount of time and that the child would indeed be better off in the care of his father than remaining in foster care. Mr. Fuller has shown nothing but compassion and kindness toward his son and it is obvious when you watch him with the child that he is deeply invested in the boy. Mr. Fuller is the kind of parent I wish all the kids who came through my door had. Most of them aren’t that lucky, Your Honor.”

He asked a few more questions and Sayer walked him through my income for the last couple of years; all of it was tense, and I couldn’t tell which way the guy was going to go in his determination. He rose suddenly and told us to take thirty minutes while he went into chambers to review all of those papers he had been moving around on his desk.

Maria walked over and squeezed me on the shoulder and told me good luck and then left me alone with Sayer. She turned to me with a soft smile on her lips and her heart in her eyes. She was proud of the way I had handled the judge’s needling and my honest assertion that the only place Hyde needed to be was with me.

“You’re doing great.”

I sighed and pushed my hands through my hair, messing up the strands I had ruthlessly styled earlier in the day. “It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like he’s looking for a reason to tell me I can’t have my son.”

She shook her head and reached out to put her hand on my leg again. This time I covered it with my own and gave it a squeeze.

“That’s his job. He has to poke and prod. He’s looking for any sign that you’re going to fold or break under the pressure. He’s purposely trying to get a reaction out of you. He only has Hyde’s best interests in mind, so he doesn’t care how uncomfortable or how angry he makes you. He’s trying to get an adverse reaction and you aren’t giving him one.”