Dad stood like a statue, refusing to cope with the shit life had thrown at us, and stared at both of them—mainly at Mom.

I snapped out of it, shook off the headache and nausea, and gripped Lev’s shoulder from behind.

“You’re right, Levy-boy. She really does.”

I wished I could rewrite our last moment, the way I could in my little notebook.

The last, first moment I saw him again, after Boon.

The boy I fell in love with, the guy I fell in lust with, the man who’d be my downfall.

When I finally got to the hospital, my first vision of Knight was him gliding through the corridor with a death glare, rubbing a crying Lev’s back, walking away from his father, who was shouting at both of them to come back.

Knight stopped when we came face to face, his expression unmoved. I didn’t expect a kiss, or a grand declaration of love, considering the circumstances, but when I opened my arms to hug them, he ignored the gesture, opting to jerk Levy closer to his side, like he was protecting him from the entire world, me included.

“Take us home?” he almost pleaded. “I want to drop Levy at your parents’ and take a shower. It’s been a long day.”

I nodded. I’d figured he’d need some chauffeuring, so I’d made a quick stop at my house to pick up Dad’s car before coming here. I normally shied away from driving, but I was beginning to understand that Knight’s situation required a lot of adjusting. I was desperate to fit into his new, broken world and help any way I could.

I was already missing classes, skipping school, and falling behind by being here for God knows how long. But I would be.

Indeed, the price of Knight’s love was expensive, but I had no trouble paying my dues.

As we drove silently, Lev sat in the back, sucking his breath in to hold back his sobs. His face was a wreck, his eyes red, his hands shaking in his lap. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I needed to say something. Anything. I cleared my throat, straightening in my seat.

“I’m going to pack you a bag, Lev, give you some pizza money, and drop you at Jaime and Mel’s. I already spoke with them. You can sleep over at their place.”

I watched through the rearview mirror as Lev’s dimmed eyes lit up. I knew he loved Bailey dearly. She was his rock, as I was Knight’s. Everyone in this family needed someone strong to lean on. I just wondered who was going to be there for Dean.

“You talk?” Lev was too exhausted to be surprised.

A sad smile played on my lips.

“Yes.”

“Since when?”

Since I decided to pull my head out of my butt.

“Since…it became apparent that I need to. A few weeks. Not more. How can I make this easier for you, Levy?” I asked.

It occurred to me that when someone is dealing with something so profound as losing a loved one, perhaps instead of telling them everything will be okay—while knowing that for the foreseeable future it won’t—it would be better to ask for guidance on how to please them.

“Doesn’t Racer have the new Zelda?” Lev asked.

“He does.”

“We’ve been wanting to check it out.”

“I’ll drop it at Bailey’s,” I assured him.

After leaving Lev at the Followhills’, I let Knight nap on the couch while I ran him a bath. He smelled like hell, a piece of information I refrained from sharing with him. I had just thrown a unicorn bath bomb into the water, watching the fizz and foam dance in pink and purple on the surface, when I felt his arms tightening around my midriff, his nose nuzzling my shoulder.

“Shower,” he growled into my ear, turning off the running water. I closed my eyes, shuddering against his erection, which pressed against my butt.

“What’s wrong with a bath?” I licked my lower lip.

“Can’t fuck your brains out the way I want to in a bath.” His teeth scraped along my skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

His large, ripped body moved toward the tub, unplugging it before flicking on the shower. The three showerheads came to life, and as steam gathered between the glass walls of the crème and black checked marble tiles, he turned to me, stripping.

I did the same. We took our clothes off silently. There was something clinical about it. Bitterly erotic. We were getting prepared to do something dirty in a place so clean, without any sweet words and reassuring promises.

“Are you sure you’re in the right headspace?”

“I will always be in the right headspace to be inside you. You’re my home.”

He was totally naked now, his penis hard, long, and thick, pointing at me. He offered me his hand. I took it. He took my lips with his and kissed me so hard, I began to feel dizzy in his arms, swaying back and forth. He tasted like alcohol, but I didn’t think confronting him about it would do me any good.