Author: Cassia Leo

“I think I know what you mean,” I say as I kiss her hand then reach across to pet Bigfoot, who’s sleeping in her lap.

When I scratch behind his ears, he wakes up and lazily stretches his limbs. I glance at Lindsay and Adam and they’re both looking at the ring on my finger. I remove my hand from Bigfoot’s head and hide it away.

“Where’s Senia?” Cora asks.

“She couldn’t make it. She’s coming to see you on Thursday. She has some big news to share with you.”

“What kind of news? You can’t keep secrets from a lady my age. I may not wake up tomorrow.”

“Don’t say that,” Adam and I both say at the same time.

“Oh, don’t you worry about me. I’m not afraid to die. I’m more afraid to live till I’m so old I can’t remember my kids’ names.”

“Senia’s having a baby,” I say, and the way Cora’s eye’s crinkle up even more when she smiles just makes me want to cry.

“Senia and Eddie are having a baby!” she says, her voice a bit more energetic now.

“No, not Senia and Eddie. Senia and Tristan.”

I grit my teeth and force myself not to look at Adam. I can sense his tension from six feet away.

“I don’t know Tristan. Who’s he?” Cora asks, her white, wispy eyebrows scrunching together in confusion.

“Tristan is her new boyfriend,” I say.

This is a tiny white lie. Tristan and Senia may not be together now, but they have a romantic trip to Vegas in a couple of days, that may change everything before Senia visits Cora. I have to give Tristan and her the benefit of the doubt that they will make this work. I still can’t believe she’s pregnant.

I nearly reach down to touch my abdomen before I realize where I am. “Cora, I want you to know that you’ve been the closest thing I’ve ever had to a grandmother,” I say, and as much as I don’t want to cry in front of Lindsay, the tears come immediately.

“Honey, don’t say stuff like that or you’ll make me cry.”

“It’s true. I don’t think you understand how much your friendship meant to me when I moved here.” I try not to think of the nights I spent sitting on the bathroom floor when I first moved to Wrightsville. “Your kindness…. Taking care of you gave me something to look forward to. Thank you for being my friend.”

I feel so uncomfortable saying these things in front of everyone, but my need to say this far surpasses my embarrassment.

“Claire, dear, can you put those flowers in some water for me.” I quickly stand up and grab the flowers off the tray table. “And while you’re in there, I have something for you on the counter next to the phone.”

I wipe away the tears as I make my way to the kitchen. The first thing I see on the counter is the wooden sign that usually hangs on Cora’s front door.

Where we love is home.

I take a deep breath in a vain attempt to stifle the tears. Reaching into her cupboard, I pull down a tall glass and fill it with water. I remove the plastic film from the flowers and stick the bouquet in the water, grabbing the wooden sign off the counter as I make my way back to the living room.

I set the flowers on the tray table and Cora smiles. “I love mums. Did you pick those?”

“I sure did. I got you a card, too, but you can read that when I’m gone.” I don’t want her to read what I wrote inside the card in front of everybody. “I should probably get going. They say it’s supposed to snow later this afternoon and I’m driving home alone.”

“So soon?” Cora protests gently.

“I’m sorry. I don’t have snow chains. I haven’t been driving very much lately now that I’m on break.”

And Chris drives me everywhere I need to go.

“Okay, honey, you have a safe trip,” Cora says with a grin that lights up the room.

“I’m sure I’ll visit you in Idaho soon. You can count on that.”

“I would love that. Get those straight ‘A’s and tell Senia I miss her.”

I don’t bother reminding her that Senia is coming on Thursday. It will be a nice surprise for her.

I give her a long hug and, as much as I try to fight it, the tears come again along with a painful lump in my throat. Cora is the last thing tying me to Wrightsville. Once she’s gone, I won’t have any reason to come back here.

“I’m going to miss you so much, Cora,” I whisper. “I’ll make sure to call Tina to get all your addresses and phone numbers.”

I smooth her hair back and her eyes are brimming with tears. I kiss her forehead then kiss the top of Bigfoot’s head. I try not to think horrible things like the fact that this may be the last time I’ll see her alive. Instead, I think of how happy she’ll be to finally see all her family after all these years. I have to be happy for her. Cora’s going home.

I stand up, letting the wooden sign dangle from my arm as I make my way toward the door.

Adam quickly follows. “I’ll walk you out.”

I turn to Lindsay and she appears even more uncomfortable than when I first walked in. “It was nice seeing you again,” I say to her and she smiles without saying a word as I reach for the doorknob.

I open the door and a stiff winter breeze sweeps over me. I grab the umbrella I left outside as Adam closes the front door behind him. I don’t move. I just stare at the rain pounding the pavement in the parking lot and wondering how much change and heartache one person can endure in a lifetime.

“Are you okay to drive back?” he asks, and I turn around to face him.

It’s strange the things we notice about someone when we’re no longer in love with them. He’s wearing a Duke hoodie and some jeans. I didn’t realize it until now, but he never wore any Duke sweatshirts or T-shirts when we were together. I don’t know if he did it out of respect for me, but I never noticed this until now.

“I’m fine,” I reply. “I didn’t know you were going to bring Lindsay. I thought that maybe you and I could talk, but….”

“But, what? We can still talk. I only brought Lindsay because I’m taking her to her parents in Carolina Beach and Cora’s house is on the way. I didn’t bring her here because I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I just feel like everything has gotten so awkward between us. I hate it.”

I wipe the last remnants of tears from my cheeks and Adam cringes a little when he sees my finger. I quickly tuck my hand inside my coat pocket, but it’s too late.

“You’re getting married?”

I nod my head and try to think of an appropriate response to this. I don’t want to say something about how happy I am or anything that will seem like I’m rubbing the engagement in his face. But I am happy; so happy it scares me.

“How have you been?” I ask and he smiles.

“I’m putting in my notice on January first. I got sponsored.”

“That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you.” I want to hug him because that’s what you do when a friend tells you something like that. Instead, I dig my hand further into my coat pocket and tighten my grip on the umbrella in my other hand. “So… does that mean you’re going on tour?”

He nods and the way he looks at me makes me think we’ve run out of safe things to talk about. That must be it because all I can think right now is that he had to let me go to get everything he ever wanted.

“Claire, I want you to know that I meant it when I said you’ll always own a piece of me.”

I bite my lip to keep from crying, but it doesn’t work. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For not being the person we both thought I was. I’m sorry you met me when you did.”

“You don’t have to apologize. We were both running away without knowing where the hell we were running to. And I swear I’m okay. I’m better than okay.” He smiles and this time the smile reaches every part of his face. “I think I needed you to show me that I do have it in me to forgive, not just others, but myself. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who fucked up when I went to Hawaii, but I don’t regret it. I only have one regret.”

“What’s that?”

“The last time you came here to Cora’s, when you got out of your car and walked toward the apartment, I was watching you from the window. I saw how happy you were—like, really happy—and in those few seconds, I knew that you had probably already moved on with Chris. I should have left you alone instead of confusing you even more. I apologize for that.”

I take a deep breath and I realize that not only has the rain stopped falling. “Thank you for calling me to come here. I know that must have been difficult for you. I hope… Good luck in Australia. I mean it when I say I’m happy for you.”

“I know. Congratulations on the engagement.”

I glance toward my car and smile. “I guess I should get going before it starts coming down again.”

“Yeah, you don’t want to get caught in the snow with that nerd-mobile.”

I roll my eyes as I tuck my umbrella under my arm and look up at him nervously. “Goodbye, Adam.”

“Goodbye, Claire.”

As I walk to my car, I feel that final thread of uncertainty unraveling and falling away behind me. I lay the wooden sign and the umbrella on the backseat then I sit in the driver’s seat and smile. Adam is happy and so am I. What more could I ask for out of this trip?

Then I see the grocery bag on the passenger seat and I remember the pregnancy test. It’s time to go home.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Adam

Listen

I walk back into Cora’s apartment and Lindsay is gently placing Kaia in Cora’s arms while Bigfoot purrs and rubs himself against Lindsay’s legs, having been banished to the floor.

Cora’s eyebrows shoot up as she holds Kaia. “Look at you, pretty girl.”

I can see Lindsay struggling with whether or not she should adjust Kaia’s head, which is lolling to the side over Cora’s arm. Kaia’s eyes are unfocused until I come closer to kneel down next to the chair and she sees me. Her arms go stiff as she flails them around, the way she does when she’s excited. I let her latch onto my finger to calm her down.

“Want to play some poker, Cora?” I ask.

Cora lightly taps Kaia’s chin and Kaia reaches for Cora’s finger. “I think I’m going to take a nap soon. I’ve seen too much excitement for a girl my age.”

Lindsay shoots up from the sofa to take Kaia from Cora, and I get a whiff of her perfume. It’s the same beachy scent she’s worn since I met her more than two years ago. I’ve smelled that perfume for weeks now, but it seems warmer today. She grabs Kaia to pick her up, but I put my hand on her hand to stop her.

“I’ll take her.”

She looks at my hand on hers, but she doesn’t move. “Are you sure?”

Cora answers for me. “Of course, look at her reaching for her daddy.”

My eyes shoot up at this remark, but Cora’s eyes are fixed on Kaia’s face—and Kaia is reaching for me. I scoop Kaia up in my arms and she mashes her face into my chest looking for something to suck on.

I laugh as I watch her growing more frustrated with my lack of milk. “Can I borrow one of yours?” I ask Lindsay.

Her eyes widen with shock. “Is there somewhere I can feed her? I have to save the bottle I pumped for when we’re at the restaurant.”

“I’m sure Cora won’t mind if you feed her in the bedroom. Is that all right with you Cora?” I ask and Cora seems a little confused for a moment.

“Oh, you want to breastfeed her? Of course, you can lie down in my bed. That’s how I used to do it with my kids. Be a good boy and show her where it is.”