“Resolved? What does that mean?”

“I’m not sure,” Becca said. “In the past? No hard feelings? Over and time to finally really move on? I don’t know, Mom. I just know that, even though I was with Doug, I still found myself wondering what happened between me and Denny. I don’t want that. I don’t want to wonder.”

“And, did you go up to that little town and throw yourself at him?” Beverly asked somewhat bitterly.

“Not at all. However, I did throw myself out of Rich’s truck and break my ankle. I have a splint and crutches. In fact, I had a surgical procedure and then a splint. And now Rich is on his way home, while I’m stuck here for another week. Denny said he’d drive me home after the doctor takes the stitches out.”

Silence again. “All right, let me get this right,” Beverly finally said. “You went to Virgin River to see Denny, while we thought you were with Doug, and now you have a broken ankle and can’t come home with your brother?”

“Well, Rich does have to work tomorrow. He couldn’t hang around any longer.”

“Becca, for the love of God! What are you thinking?”

She took a breath. “I’m thinking, this is the rest of my life. I’m not taking any chances. I’m not going to spend years wondering or brooding over a man who abandoned me and I’m not going to move forward with a man I’m not sure is the right one for me. That’s what I’m thinking. That some things have to be complete.”

“And is this thing with Denny complete?” her mother asked, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

“I will tell you this—we’ve made a little progress. I now understand some of the things he was going through when he left for Afghanistan. Things I never would have known if I hadn’t made this trip.”

“And does he understand some of the things he put you through?”

“What’s more important to me, Mom, is that we all get past the hurts so we can go forward.”

“But, Becca, you’re too different,” Beverly said. “You were never really right for each other. You come from completely different backgrounds and families. You and Doug seem such a good fit—your families are similar, you have both parents and siblings, you both went to college, you have similar interests. And unless there’s something you haven’t told me, Doug has never treated you badly. I knew right away that Doug was much more appropriate for you.”

“You’ve used that word before, I think. Appropriate.”

“The minute I met him, I knew—this is more the type of man I expected you to attract. To marry. You have similar goals. His family is stable. Successful.”

“Funny. Doug said something very similar….”

“See there?” Beverly said.

“He said, ‘Becca, you’re the kind of woman who looks like the wife of a lawyer.’”

“There you go. Really, there should be no question. You’ve been with Doug for a year! You and Denny broke up a long time ago. Why didn’t you just come home with Rich?” she asked.

“Because the doctor was against the idea,” she said. “Too long a drive, danger of swelling under the splint or even blood clots. I’ll see the doctor on Friday. Denny said he’d drive me home, but of course, I can always catch a flight.”

“And you’re staying where?”

“In Denny’s apartment.”

“Oh, my God,” she said weakly.

Becca laughed in spite of herself. “It’s one-room over a garage, an efficiency. He’s letting me use it.”

“And where is he staying? Never mind, I don’t want to know. Becca, this is a huge mistake. Doug might never understand! Who would expect him to?”

“Mom, I didn’t do this so that Doug could understand. I did this in hopes that I might finally understand. Like I said, this is the rest of my life. I intend to be sure.”

Nine

Oddly enough, that conversation with her mother made telling Doug what she was doing all that much easier. She couldn’t count the number of times Beverly had openly said, with great relief, He’s so much more right for you! But today was the first time she put that statement with Doug’s. You’re the right kind of woman to be married to a lawyer or even a senator.

Doug was a very careful planner. He’d been aiming for his father’s legal firm since he started in pre-law. He chose his fraternity carefully; he wanted the right political connections to be strong. He came from good Northeastern stock. He had aspirations to make a lot of money in law and perhaps enter politics. Yes, he’d been good to her. But she couldn’t shake the notion that he might be choosing his future wife like a man might chose a horse.

He answered sleepily. “I woke you,” she said.

“It’s pretty early,” he said.

“Well, I had to use the phone when I could. I need to talk to you about something very important—can you think straight? Doug, Rich left this morning and I’m still here, on my crutches.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, and yawned.

“Here’s what I didn’t tell you but I have to tell you now—and I’m sorry it’s over the phone. Believe me, if it weren’t for the broken ankle, I’d be talking to you face-to-face. What I didn’t tell you is, one of the reasons I decided to come with Rich is because my ex-boyfriend, the one I broke up with three years ago, is here.”

He yawned again. “Very funny, Becca.”

“No, Doug. I’m not joking. See, I began to get the feeling you and I were getting serious. Moving real close to that forever territory. You’ve been talking about marriage and graduating from law school and moving back East and—”

“Eventually,” he said. “But we agreed that possibility is right out there, after law school. What’s he got to do with us?”

“Not with us, Doug. With me. I hadn’t seen him in a long time, but so many times I wondered what really happened. When I looked back on the whole thing, I was never really sure if I was just an idiot who didn’t get it or if we were two people who’d never been right for each other in the first place. And I needed to be sure before moving forward with you.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he said. “Didn’t not hearing from him in years give you a hint? That’s your answer, right there.”

“But I did hear from him. I told you that,” she said. “He came back from the Marines and asked for another chance, but I was so angry, I sent him away. That was right before I met you. Listen, I know this is asking a lot, for you to understand this, but I have to figure out a few things about the past before I can make a smart decision about the future. If there’s even one small question… Ten years from now, I don’t want to find myself a wife and mother, asking myself if I did the right thing. I don’t know if men do this, but sometimes women will romanticize the one that got away, the one they can’t have, and it can stir up all kinds of trouble. All I want to know is that our breakup, painful as it was, was absolutely the right thing to do.”

He gave a bark of laughter. “Women,” he said derisively. “So, you’ve been there for a week. That should’ve given you plenty of time to answer that one small question. Were you right to send him away? What’s it going to be, Becca?”

“Doug, I’ve learned that we were pretty confused and screwed up. I think I understand how we ended up hurting each other so badly. His mother’s death really took its toll. Unlike you and me, he didn’t have any other family anywhere and—”

“So,” he said, cutting her off. “You two are putting it back together now?”

“No, we’ve only talked about what happened to him. We haven’t even gotten around to what happened to me. And I told him I have a boyfriend.”

“He must find it pretty interesting that you’re there, with him, and not with your boyfriend,” Doug said. “This is asking a little much, don’t you think?”

She sighed. “It is, I realize that. But before we make some kind of commitment, this old relationship needs to be dealt with. It wasn’t a crush, Doug. It was very serious.”

“No,” he said. “No, I’m not going along with this. I’m not sitting still while you have some fling to see if you picked the right guy. Either you find a way to get out of that stupid little town and back home or we’re done. Done, Becca! Because this is completely inappropriate!”

Appropriate. Wow, that word kept popping up. But it wasn’t the right word in this context. What her mother meant and what Doug meant is this wasn’t very comfortable. They weren’t exactly having their way. But it was probably not only appropriate but also sensible to be sure you loved the man who was getting ready to ask you to marry him.

“Well, gee, Doug, I guess that would answer a question I hadn’t even asked myself. Tell you what, let’s both think about that.”

“I want you to come home,” he said.

“Home for me is San Diego,” she said. “You live in L.A. What you mean to say is you want me out of here.”

“Same thing. You’re playing with fire here. I’m not putting up with this.”

She thought for a moment. She had created this challenge, after all. An awful lot to ask of a boyfriend. “I guess I have to say I understand, Doug. And I’m sorry. This old relationship still feels strangely unfinished. I have to work this out. Bye.”

She hung up.

And felt like a dog.

She’d done what she had to do, but she’d done it all wrong. Her original plan was to spend the week around Denny and figure something out about herself. Because it wasn’t really about whether Denny wanted her. If she still couldn’t let go, she had to break it off with Doug. It wasn’t fair to him. But then she broke her ankle and things began to change…get a little more complicated…

The phone rang and she realized she hadn’t concealed the number when she called Doug; it had shown up on his caller ID. “Hello?”

“I told my mother I was going to pop the question!” Doug said angrily. “I told my mother that you’d be with us at Christmas to get to know the whole family, to say yes, to talk about the wedding! You’re making me look like a damn fool!”

She frowned. She had suspected a ring was coming soon, but he hadn’t mentioned them spending Christmas with his family. In fact, he hadn’t asked her. “Doug, we talked about spending Christmas together, but I assumed it would be with my family, since you were home at Thanksgiving. And why would I need to talk to your mother about a wedding?”

“Why would we get married in San Diego if we’re going to live in Boston or Cape Cod? Now what am I supposed to say? That you went back to your old boyfriend? Some loser who barely made it out of high school?”

“Whew,” she said. “I think maybe it’s a good thing this came up now. I knew something was holding me back, but I wasn’t sure what. Now at least I know, it wasn’t Denny. I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner, Doug. I guess this is goodbye.”

She hung up again. But this time she didn’t have regrets. This time she thought maybe she’d barely dodged a bullet.

She’d always thought of him as uncomplicated, because he was. There weren’t a lot of options with Doug. Because he had plans.

Becca made it down to the bar before Troy and Dirk left and she was able to say goodbye. She tried to hide her awkward emotions, but her life had just taken a leap. Truthfully, she came up here because she wasn’t sure she was ready to accept a marriage proposal, but she hadn’t really predicted she’d end things with Doug the way she had.

On a last-minute invitation from Paige after the guys left, she wandered over to the church but rather than attending the service, she spent her time with the little ones in the church nursery. She was no good for chasing them around but she was great at reading to them or sitting on the floor to stack blocks or roll balls with them.

She had lunch at the bar with several regulars, including Denny, but he was unusually quiet. He seemed a bit distant, which probably kept him from noticing she was a little reserved herself. He asked if she could manage on her own for a couple of hours while he checked in at Jilly’s farm. His week with his friends had probably left a lot to be done out there. “Sure. Of course,” she said. “Please, do whatever you need to do—I’m totally fine.”

Right after he left, all hell broke loose.

“Becca, your mother’s on the phone,” Paige said. “She wants to speak to you.”

“My mother?”

“Go ahead and take it in our great room—we’re all either in the kitchen or outside helping decorate the tree. You’ll have some privacy.”

“My mother?” she said again. “Called here?”

“She sounds a little upset.”

When she got to the phone and said hello, her mother launched into her. “Have you completely lost your mind?”

She sat down heavily. “I’m not sure. What are we talking about?”

“You broke up with Doug for Denny? Do you have any idea what you’ve done to yourself? What you’ve sacrificed for a foolish young man who treated you so badly?”

“Stop,” Becca said. “I didn’t do that. I told Doug exactly what I told you—that it was important for me to get a handle on the past before I could deal with the future. And how in the world do you know this? And how did you find this number?”

“Doug called me, thank God. There’s still time, Becca. He’s upset, but he’ll come around. You have to call him, apologize, tell him you weren’t thinking—”