“Mack, I’m not sure—”

“Every morning you talk to him about what we did the night before.” He interrupted me. “You click over when we’re on the phone if he calls, and you leave me hanging for hours.”

“I’ve only done that once, and it was an emergency.”

“Tinder suing him over Cinder for the umpteenth time is not an emergency.” He glared at me. “That shit happens every month, and you know what? One of these days, they’re going to beat him in court.”

“I highly doubt that,” Hayden muttered under his breath.

“I guess it’s good that he’s here, though,” Mack said. “Because I don’t have to hold back anymore and wonder how I should spend the next six months of my life. And I won’t bother being your roommate to help pay for a place that your best friend could easily buy for you if he wanted to.”

“I want to make my own way in life,” “She wants to make her own way in life,” Hayden and I spoke in unison.

“Him or me, Penelope.” Mack shook his head. “Tell me right now.”

“There is no ‘him or you,’ Mack.” My chest ached. “I want you as my boyfriend. Hayden is like a brother to me.”

“A brother in a taboo Porn-Hub video, maybe.” He looked disgusted. “I can’t continue to date you, if he’s still in the picture.”

“Mack, wait. Can we talk about this in private?”

“No.” He crossed his arms. “What’s it going to be?”

Silence.

The past six months of our relationship suddenly played on a rose-tinted loop in my head. He was kissing me in the elevator, holding my hand in the rain, and promising me that he was falling for me like I was falling for him.

Hayden wasn’t in any of those frames, and I couldn’t believe that Mack was threatened by him in the slightest.

“I don’t want to lose you as my boyfriend, Mack,” I said. “Please don’t do this.”

“I’m not doing anything.” He looked into my eyes. “It’s your choice.”

“You know what? I’m going to head out.” Hayden stood to his feet. “You two clearly need to talk alone, so—”

“No, we don’t.” Mack’s face reddened. “I’ll leave. I think it’s more than clear that she’s choosing you. Right, Penelope?”

“Hayden is just my friend.”

“Right.” He rolled his eyes and stood up. “Just friends don’t do whatever the hell you two do, and I’m done pretending I’m okay with it. Thank you—both of you, for wasting the past six months of my life. You can keep the dinner and shit.”

He grabbed his jacket and stormed out of my place, taking a piece of my heart with him.

I moved from my chair and followed him, but Hayden rushed behind me and pushed the door shut.

“I don’t think so,” he said.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked. “I need to catch him so we can work this out.”

“It’s on him to come back to you,” he said. “But even then, what’s the rule?”

I said nothing, even though I knew the answer.

“Any guy that gives you an ultimatum without considering how you feel isn’t worth your time. Name the breakup, cry if you have to, and then move the hell on.”

“How about, The One Who Thought I’d Choose Him Over My Best Friend?” I asked, pretending like my chest didn’t hurt like hell.

“We already gave that title to one of your other exes,” he said. “I think you should sleep on this for a while.”

“Okay.” I let out a sigh. “What did you really think about his alfredo?”

“It was bland as hell, overcooked, and it was missing something.”

“Parmesan and butter, right?”

“Plus chives.” He walked into the kitchen and pulled out a few bottles, placing them on our plates. Then he carried them over to my couch, and I plopped down next to him.

“You can live with me for a while, if you don’t find a roommate by the end of the week,” he said.

“No, thanks.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to live anywhere where groupies and paparazzi lurk outside every entrance. No offense.”

“None taken.”

I leaned against his shoulder and sighed. “Go ahead and say it, so we can get this over with.”

“Say what?”

“The right guy will come into your life when you least expect it.”

“Please stop going on Pinterest and pretending those bullshit quotes belong to me.” He laughed. “If you want me to say my usual, which always proves true, then—”

“Please keep that to yourself.”

“I fucking told you so,” he said it anyway. “I didn’t like him for you after the two-month anniversary, and I’m disappointed that you stuck around for six.”

“It’s called monogamy.”

“It’s called ‘torture,’ if the only pleasure is in him taking you out on dates and being nice.” He looked at me. “Do me a favor and stop looking for Prince Charming. He doesn’t exist.”

“Should I seek out assholes, then?”

“No, you’ve had your fair share of those.” He shook his head. “Just stop trying so hard.”

“Fine. I won’t go on Cinder for a while … Or Tinder.”

“You should never go on Tinder,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. “That’s the ultimate betrayal.”

“Just wanted to see if you’d still get angry at me for mentioning it.”

“I always will.”

“Will you judge me if I start crying about Mack breaking up with me?”

“Have I ever?”

“No.” I buried my head in his chest. “What would I do without you?”

“You’d never have to hear the words ‘I told you so.’” He rubbed my back. “You think that would be worth it?”

“No.” I shut my eyes. “Never.”

Two (B)

Present Day

Penelope

A few days later

“I hope that me having a career on OnlyFans won’t be a problem for you,” my latest “Hell no” roommate option said as she walked around my living room. “I’ll probably need to use this couch as a backdrop for some of my deep swallowing and faux-bestiality videos, if you don’t mind.”

“OnlyFans doesn’t bother me,” I said, trying to think of a way to get her the hell out of my place.

If her need to use my place like a mini-movie studio was the only thing that made me raise my eyebrow, I would’ve agreed to let her stay, but the more she walked around, the more red flags she threw.

She let her Chihuahua run wild the moment she stepped inside, and she encouraged him to pee in my plant since, “It’s good fertilizer for it. Trust me.”

“Well, I appreciate you seeing me on such short notice,” she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “I think you and I will make an incredible match.”