“I never thought you’d be afraid of a little jungle,” Javier said, though his tone was flat. “We’re moving through the night.” He brought out a flashlight from his pocket and flicked it on. He looked at Este who had his iPad raised up to his eyes. “How’s your battery on that thing?”

Este smiled. “It’ll last throughout the night until I can get the sun to charge it tomorrow. I have my compass just in case anything goes wrong. We’re good.”

Javier slid a formidable machete out of his backpack and toyed with his grip on the handle. “Very well. I’ll clear our path when needed. You just tell me where to go.”

Este nodded. “Shouldn’t be a problem at this level. Just head straight for a few kilometers. I’ll correct us along the way.”

Oh, just for a few kilometers. I looked up at Camden. He was looking uneasy, his jaw tense, his lips rubbing against each other, calculating something. Possibly our demise.

Javier disappeared into the trees until I could only see his flashlight and the glow from Este’s iPad. Dom followed behind them. I expected Derek to go next but he only nudged Camden with the butt of his rifle that he always had out, nodding ahead.

“I’m covering you,” he said, his voice raspy like he’d blown out his vocal chords at some point in his life. His eyes were dead, emotionless, and even though I thought I’d feel some sort of camaraderie for the man since he was American and young, there was nothing. This man felt nothing for anyone, especially not Camden and I. We weren’t the ones paying him. If anything, he was here to watch us, to keep us in line.

Camden hesitated, wrestling with the silence, before he grunted and walked ahead of me, following Dom. I guess he didn’t like the idea of having Derek behind us. It made us feel more like we were prisoners, not cohorts.

Even with flashlights in our hands, the jungle was a terrifying place. We were lucky that the trees weren’t too close together and the ground underneath was dry, but the occasional root would still try and fuck you up, a branch sometimes came down too low and got you in the forehead. Not to mention the countless spiderwebs I could feel trailing past my arms. I wasn’t a wuss over many things but it had me walking right up behind Camden, cowering behind his tall and wide frame to shield me from the insects that I could only imagine were in a jungle like this.

We walked and walked and walked until I started feeling delirious from the dizzying darkness, that claustrophobia of never knowing what was out there. You could hear the occasional slice of Javier’s machete as he cut through something and Dom and Este were talking in Spanish. We were all getting farther and farther apart, especially Camden and I as we grew tired, our legs slowing.

“Want me to carry you?” Camden asked me. Though the idea of me getting a piggyback ride made me smile, I told him I was okay. I was just getting sleepy, that was the problem. An energy drink would have gone a long way.

I decided to pester Derek with questions instead, to keep my mind engaged.

I looked behind him, seeing only his flashlight and asked, “So, Derek. Where did you grow up?”

You know, like we were chatting at a café or something.

He didn’t say anything at first. I could only hear the crunch of dirt and leaves below our feet. Then he cleared his throat and in that raw voice of his, said, “Minnesota. Small town.”

“You must have been a hockey fan.”

“Yeah,” he said with surprise. “Though who isn’t?”

“You’re built like you play hockey,” I commented, hoping my compliments would get him to relax a little.

“Built to fuck people up,” he answered.

“Well, that’s pretty much the same thing, isn’t it?” I made sure he could hear the smile in my voice. It didn’t work.

“Hockey is child’s play,” he said sternly.

I made a small noise of agreement, not sure what else to say.

We trudged along in the dark, in the silence punctuated by wild animal calls. Shivers stroked along the ridges of my spine.

Then, Derek said, “Tell me about Gus. The man you mentioned.”

I wasn’t sure why he needed the information. Maybe it would help him pick better tactics going in. Maybe he felt bad and was trying to make conversation. But I needed to talk about Gus. To talk about him was to keep him alive, keep him as my goal. The further we got into the depths of the night, the more the goal seemed to be pointless. I couldn’t let that happen.

“Gus is like … a father to me.” The realization that my own father had died slammed into my gut, making my words that much more meaningful. With my own father dead, Gus really was the only family I had left. “He was friends with my parents for a long time, he’d always been around. He was like … one of the few constants in my life.”

“What did he do?”

“He worked for the LAPD as an officer. Retired early. Maybe he was discharged, he doesn’t really talk about it. He started providing false identities to people who needed it.”

“People like you. Con artists.”

“Yes. How did you know?”

“I’ve read all your files.”

I nearly stopped in my tracks and Derek’s arm swung into my back. I stumbled but kept walking, flabbergasted and horrified.

“You’ve read our files?”

“Even mine?” Camden asked from in front of me.

“Everyone’s,” Derek repeated. “Cartels are thorough.”

“Then why do you want to know about Gus if you already know this stuff?”

“Because it’s good to hear it from you. I need to know how involved you are and what you are willing to do when things get bad.”

My throat tickled.

He went on, “Will you risk your life for Gus?”

I hadn’t seen Gus for years. But he’d been there for me when no one else was. And he’d come all the way with Camden to save me, to bring me home. He gave his life for mine by doing that. There’s no way I wouldn’t do the same for him.

“There are very few people in this world who will go out of their way to save someone else,” I told him. “Gus was one of those people. Camden is the other. I’d do anything for both of them.”

I felt Camden hesitate as he walked, his head turning to look at me. I was grateful for the darkness, that he couldn’t see my face or the heat on my cheeks. Still, after what I’d said yesterday, this was nothing.

“I see,” Derek said. “And your mother? Who may or may not be considered a hostage at this point.”

“What about her?”

“Would you do anything for her? Would you risk your life to save hers?”

I wish the first thought that entered my head was yes. I wish I didn’t have to think about it, to weigh it, to wrestle with it. Because I honestly didn’t know. Would I give up my mother to save Camden and Gus? Yes. I would. I was a horrible daughter, I know that, just to even think it, but it was the truth. Would I save my mother if it meant I’d die in the process? That … I didn’t know. I just didn’t.

I hated how that made me feel.

Like I had no humanity left. That I wasn’t as selfless as I tried to be.

When it came to me or her, I had no idea how that would play out.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I guess I’ll have to find out.” I licked my lips and felt the need to explain. “My mother and I weren’t very close, she–”

“I read her files,” Derek said. “I know the story.”

“Right,” I said, wrapping hands around the straps on my backpack, trying to ease the pressure off my shoulders.

“Why do you need to know all of this again?” Camden asked, a thread of tension in his voice.

“Because I never enter anything until I know everything about the people involved.”

“So you must know everything about Travis,” I said as I nearly stumbled over a rock.

Camden’s arm shot out and steadied me.

“I do,” said Derek.

“Enough to help Javier take over his cartel?” I asked.

“I guess we’ll have to find out,” was his answer. “Javier is all about expansion.”

“I heard my name back there,” Javier voice rang through the darkness, rattling me to the bone. “How about you three pick up the pace a little. Derek, I’m not paying your gringo ass to have conversations and plod along like a bunch of burros. This is Mexico, not Afghanistan, you should know that.”

Derek sucked in his breath sharply but said nothing. I could feel the tension rolling off of him like waves of heat at my back. Apparently Javier got under his skin as well.

Derek stuck the butt of his gun into my lower back, this time on purpose. “Better get a move on.”

We marched on.

Much as you’d imagine, the Honduran jungle is a brutal place to try and get a good night’s rest. We stopped on a plateau of sorts where the trees opened up a bit and the ground was more level. None of us had packed for a camping session and Javier and his men were treating the outing like sleep was a luxury for the benefit of Camden and I. All we had were a few tarps that the men had laid out on the uneven ground and that was it.

“Shouldn’t we be worried about things coming to kill us in the night?” I asked them as we stood around the makeshift sleeping area that was nestled between three trees. Their bark glistened eerily under the glow of my flashlight.

“Are you talking about Travis or something else?” Este asked as he settled onto the ground, his scarred face lit up by his ever-present iPad.

“Well, now I’m talking about both,” I said.

He laughed. “I’ve been watching him through satellite from time to time. His men don’t come out this far. In fact they rarely patrol the area outside of the compound but now, well, if he thinks you’re coming, that might be a different case. Still, we’re good. As long as we stay low, don’t light any fires and refrain from shooting anything,” he gave a pointed glance at Derek, “we should be bueno, hey.”

“And aside from Travis?”

Este exchanged a look with Dom, who tugged at his shirt collar. “There are a few poisonous snakes, spiders … frogs,” he said slowly. “The worst of all are the bullet ants – most powerful sting in the world. Rumor has it that Travis has been using them now as ways of torture. Seems acid no longer cuts it for him.”

“Figures,” Javier muttered under his breath as he sat up against a tree. He gave Camden and I a funny look. “Well are you two going to try and get some sleep or stand there like a bunch of monkeys?”

Fuck you, I thought. But if I said it, I knew what he would say in response and I did not want to go there, not after what had happened between Camden and I.

God, what I would do to get him alone again. The things I wanted to say. Maybe without crying like a fool this time.

“Come on,” Camden said, gently grabbing my wrist for a moment before walking over to the other tree, the one furthest from Javier. He sat down, his back to it, and motioned for me to come sit between his legs.