It was unsettling, to be sitting next to a woman I’d known my entire life, and not know how to talk about our situation. I wanted to ask her what she wanted, but the fear of having her reject me again stopped me, and I didn’t know how to move past it.

THE NURSE SMILED when she walked in, and looked a little surprised to see me. She stuck out her hand, and I took it. “I’m Sirenda. You must be dad.”

“Yes ma’am,” I replied. “Reid Cole.”

“Nice to meet you, Reid.” She turned towards where Jade was lying down on the bed, her expression reading of kindness and familiarity.

“You ready to see your baby?”

Jade’s face broke out into a bright grin, and she showed no signs of nervousness. Only eagerness. She looked calm, whereas I couldn’t stop wiping my hands down the front of my jeans. Jade had already been through this once before, but the thought of seeing our baby for the first time, hearing the heartbeat, had my heart lodged somewhere between my sternum and my throat. After this, it would be real to me.

Jade’s squeal pulled me out of my anxious stupor, and I watched as the nurse squirted some gel onto her belly. She used the wand to spread it around, and clicked on the ultrasound machine.

“Everything looks good so far,” said the nurse. After another click, the volume of the machine became louder, and we all grew quiet as the space was filled with a loud woosh and then a steady ‘thump-thump thump-thump’.

I could feel Jade’s eyes on the side of my face, but I couldn’t look away from the shape on the screen, or the sound that – if possible – brought me to my knees.

That was my baby’s heartbeat.

Strong.

Steady.

“Perfect,” the nurse murmured. “Baby is at ten inches, head to heel, and weighs around ten and a half ounces. That’s great.”

“Is there a reason I’m only showing now?” Asked Jade.

The nurse continued to move the wand around while she replied, “Well, considering your baby is healthy, and growing as expected, it could mean that you’re carrying closer to your spine. Baby will move around a bit more now, so your belly will likely grow bigger.”

When I found my voice, I managed to ask, “Can we find out the sex?”

“Let’s see if baby will show us,” she replied, still smiling at the screen. I felt Jade’s hand slide into mine, and she squeezed. I returned it, stepping closer until I could take a seat next to the bed.

“It looks like you are expecting a girl,” said the nurse. She wriggled the wand again, and laughed. “Yep, baby girl’s legs are wide open.”

Jade sniffled beside me, and instinctively I moved in to kiss her temple.

We’re having a girl.

“I’ll print these for you,” the nurse continued, cleaning up Jade’s wet stomach. “I want you to come back in four weeks, and keep taking those vitamins. You’ll start feeling her move now, and it might feel like butterflies, but she’s just letting you know she’s really in there.”

“I read that faintness, and dizziness were normal around this stage of the pregnancy, is that true?”

Jade looked surprised, as did the nurse.

“Yes, that’s all symptoms of the second trimester. You could also experience indigestion, and swelling of your feet and ankles. That’s all normal.”

“And iron,” I added. “Jade has to eat more iron, right?”

“Yes,” the nurse chuckled. “I’m impressed. You have to be the most knowledgeable father I’ve had walk through my doors.”

I shrugged. “I wanted to make sure I knew what to expect. I want to be there for Jade anyway I can.”

“I’m glad,” replied the nurse. “You won’t believe how many couples your age come in here, where the dad has no interest at all.”

“Oh,” said Jade, sitting up. “We’re not a couple.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean - ”

“It’s fine,” I said a little too harshly. Jade’s words had stung, cementing the fear I’d been mulling over in the car on the drive here.

With one last awkward smile, the nurse left, and the elation I’d felt only moments ago was dampened.

“Reid.” Jade wrapped her hand around my forearm, and turned me to face her.

“What’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy.”

“I am,” I replied. “But I wish you’d give me some direction as to where we stand. When are you going to realize that I don’t want to be just the father of your baby?”

Her mouth dropped open, but she was cut off when my phone rang. I pulled it from my pocket with a sigh, and saw that it was my mother calling.

I turned away from Jade. “Hi Mom.”

“Hi, sweetheart. Are you kids still busy?”

“No,” I replied. “We just got done. We’re heading back to campus now.”

“Oh good, I caught you just in time. We’re having lunch with Erik and Raquel, and we’d all love to see you. Raquel and I are dying to hear how your appointment went.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know, Mom. I really need to get Jade home.”

Jade appeared at my side. “It’s fine,” she said softly. “Let’s go.”

“Please honey,” my mom’s voice came through the phone. “You don’t have to stay long.”

Jade pleaded with her eyes, and my mother pleaded over the phone. I groaned because the women in my life had me wrapped around their fucking fingers.

“Alright, we’ll be there in about twenty or so minutes.”

“Great,” my mother replied with glee. “We’ll see you soon.”

WE STOPPED OUTSIDE OF Jade’s parents’ house, and Jade’s mother, Raquel, and my mother were already opening her car door. They both gushed, and ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’, firing questions about the baby. I greeted both mom’s with a kiss on the cheek, and walked to the front door where our fathers were waiting. My father pulled me into a half hug, and patted me on the back. “Son. It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” I replied honestly.

I stuck my hand out for Jade’s father, Erik, to shake, and he did so without much hesitation. I knew he’d been angry when he found out Jade was pregnant, but he seemed better now. Either way, we needed to have a conversation.

“Erik,” I greeted.

“Reid.” His eyes remained cool, as did his demeanor, and I could tell he was sizing me up. He’d never had a problem with me or my friendship with Jade growing up, but I hated that he now looked at me as the guy who got his daughter knocked up.

“Can we talk?” I asked, tightening my grip on his hand.

He nodded, and walked inside without bothering to wait for me to follow. Jade’s parent’s house was a large colonial style mansion with two staircases leading up the second floor. The floor was tiled in the foyer and the kitchen, but the rest of the house had lush, dark carpets.

I followed Erik to his study, a large room down the hallway on the first floor, and squelched any reservations while he shut the door. This conversation was a month overdue, but he couldn’t blame me when Jade had kept her pregnancy a secret until two weeks ago.