If he dies? It’ll feel like I killed him myself.

Thirteen

“Chess club,” my dad says from the single uncluttered chair in the darkened living room. The blue haze from the muted TV hangs low in the room, making his hoards of junk look even weightier somehow.

Tonight I did my first shift of deliveries since the crash. Somebody had a late-night craving that we agreed to satisfy even though technically the restaurant was closed. By the time I got back the place was dark.

I take off my coat. “Yeah,” I say. “They start a new club in the middle of the second semester?”

My left eye starts to twitch. “No, it’s been going on all year.” I hang my coat up and start down the hallway.

“Come back here,” he says.

I stop in my tracks and turn around slowly and walk to the doorway of the living room. “It’s late, Dad,” I say. “I’m exhausted.”

“Chess club will do that to you.” He’s not looking at me.

My stomach is clenched. But I’m mad too. “No, actually, working a six-hour shift after chess club on a school night will do that to me.”

“You don’t know how to play chess.” It’s a challenge.

“That’s why I wanted to learn,” I lie, and I’m surprised how easy it is to lie to someone you’ve lost all respect for. “I was thinking about trying out for a sport, but with the cast, my options are limited.”

“Is that Angotti boy in chess club?” He turns to look at me for the first time. He hasn’t shaved in a few days.

I meet his gaze. It would be so easy to just tell the truth and say no. Instead my big mouth shows up. “Why don’t you call his parents to find out?”

His eyes flare and he squeezes the arms of the chair. He looks like he’s going to ream me out, but he holds it in.

After a moment I force a smile. “Night,” I say, and turn around, heading back down the hallway to my room. Once inside I let out the breath of fear I’d been holding. Note to self: learn how to play chess. Now.

“I need to learn how to play chess,” I say when I see Sawyer the next morning.

“Yes, yes you do.”

“Like, for real.”

He nods seriously. And then he narrows his eyes.

“Wait. You mean literally.”

I grin. “Yes, you horn dog. My dad’s suspicious.” “Oh. Well then.” He contemplates this as we walk in

the direction of our first-hour classes. And then he stops outside his classroom and his face brightens. “No problem. We’ll do it at lunch. I just remembered—there happens to be an app for this situation.”

I laugh. “Wouldn’t it be cool if there was an app for figuratively playing chess?”

His green eyes bore holes in mine. “No. I only like the real thing.” He pulls my hand toward his mouth, never taking his eyes off mine, and lets his lips linger on my thumb knuckle. Then he gives me that shy grin and disappears into his classroom.

Big sigh, Demarco.

At lunch Sawyer downloads a chess app on his phone and starts explaining the game pieces and what they do. Trey looks on, mildly interested. After a while he says, “Maybe I should join chess club.”

Sawyer and I look at him.

He frowns. “Not your euphemistic club. Duh. I’m not into incest, thank you. However . . .” He raises an eyebrow at Sawyer. “If you ever, you know, want to experiment . . . ” I punch Trey in the arm.

Sawyer grins. “Maybe I could bang all the Demarco siblings.”

“Ack! This conversation is so inappropriate,” I say, and I feel my face getting hot. “Now I can’t get that image out of my head, you losers. Don’t drag poor, innocent Rowan into this love triangle, please.”

Trey pipes up. “It would be a quadrangle—a love rhombus. Not pretty. And two equal teams would end up in a draw. But at least two of the Demarcos would be—”

“Stop,” I say, putting my hands over my ears, and they stop, finally. Guys are so weird and gross. But it’s good to see Sawyer having a little fun in the middle of this mess.

Sawyer’s fun doesn’t last long. After school he’s waiting for me outside with a serious look on his face. I glance at Trey and Rowan, who stop with me. “You guys go ahead,” I say to them. “Tell Mom I had to go to the library.” I turn to Sawyer. “Can you drop me off later?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Cool.” I turn back to Trey. “I’ll be home before five. We just need to talk about . . . some stuff.” Trey and Rowan glance at each other and then back at me. “Okay,” Trey says. He shrugs and they get in the delivery car.

When they leave, I look at Sawyer. “What happened?” “Had a film in biology today.”

“And?”

“Supposedly it was about amphibians.”

I wait.

“All I saw was twenty minutes’ worth of the vision on

constant repeat. Gunshots in my head every four seconds.” He taps out the rhythm on the car door. “Sorry.” I cringe, thinking of the gory mess he described. “Did you see anything else?”

“Yeah. There’s new stuff.”

“Helpful?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s so quick. But then something else happened.”

I narrow my eyes. “What?”

“After the film was done, we opened our textbooks, and all I could see was the vision.” He brings a gloved hand to his eyes and shakes his head a little. “I think I’m losing it, Jules. I’m not sure I can handle this. Not sure at all.”