She side-eyes me. “It’s a little scary how perfect you are. I watched a lot of television in the hospital. Perfect people are usually hiding something.”

Damn. Books and movies are not doing me any favors.

“I promise I’m not hiding anything. And I’m not perfect, Em. I’m just a regular guy who tries to do the right thing. That’s all.”

I can’t help but think of the day of the accident, when Ember told me she was unhappy and lonely and wanted a baby. It was the first time she ever talked about feeling unhappy.

I never got the chance to fix it. Until now.

Is it possible she met someone else, maybe saw a glimpse of what life would be like with another guy? Did it tempt her? She knew how hard it was going to be for me to dial back on my career, no matter how much I wanted to. Could she have been teetering on the edge of trying to choose between me and starting over with someone new?

No. Ember would never do that.

She could’ve written about it, though.

Am I afraid that Ember might read that her past self wanted changes and decide to leave me now for a new life?

Hell fucking yes.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe how much my life has changed. When we moved to this new town, I thought it was going to be awful. I didn’t want to start a new school and try to make new friends. I thought I’d be the biggest loser in the entire class. But two weeks ago I met a boy. I saw him my first day here and he smiled at me and I totally forgot how to breathe or talk. I just stood there looking dumb.

His name is Asher Valentine. Is that the coolest name in the world or what? He’s so amazing I might die. He’s one of the most popular guys in school and I can’t believe he likes me. I’ve never met a boy as sweet and thoughtful as him. He’s got long wavy hair and a sexy smile and a really nice ass. He actually made this journal I’m writing in. He sings and plays guitar like me and his voice gives me goose bumps.

Every day he holds my hand and walks me to all my classes and to and from school. He’s not like the other boys at all. He’s quiet and deep and doesn’t party or flirt with all the girls. His dad is a famous musician and his mom writes books. They live in a huge house with a recording studio in it. I met them once so far and they were really nice to me. I can’t sleep at night because I can’t stop thinking about him and I’m too excited to eat or focus on anything. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

I flip through a few more entries, and they’re all basically the same—gushing about how awesome Asher is and how happy she is and how wonderful life is. It’s hard to believe two people could meet at fifteen years old and fall head over heels in love from the first day and still feel that way into adulthood.

The little butterfly ring sparkles on my hand, reminding me of how Asher slipped it onto my finger and kissed my hand earlier. The way my heart pounded and my stomach tumbled.

And that look of everlasting love and devotion in his eyes…

Holy cow. I want love like that.

Closing my eyes, I lean back against my pillows and hold the journal against my chest.

This is me.

This is us.

I’m Ember.

I’m the one who wrote all these pages of puppy love.

I’m the girl who fell in love with Asher, and he fell in love with me.

He still loves me, even after all this time.

I know all of this is true. I just can’t remember it or feel it.

But can Asher love me now if I’m not really me anymore?

What if I never get all my memories back? What if his feelings change if I’m nothing more than a stranger walking around in his wife’s body? Will he still want me in his life? The only thing holding me to this man and his family is a past I can’t remember.

I’m so confused. I should probably call my psychiatrist for a phone consultation. But she can’t help me because this is about hearts and love, and no doctor can fix that.

Reading through the journals might help me remember, but it also might make me more jealous, confused, and upset.

My head throbs with all this thinking.

Nobody understands. I didn’t just wake up without my memory. I woke up sitting on top of a dead woman, and she’s trying to claw into me to get her life back. And me? I’m trying to dig her up one minute and trying to bury her the next. Right now, I can’t comprehend a merging of myself and the old Ember into one happy person.