“You couldn’t be more wrong. Shay, please, if you’d just listen.”

“No. There’s nothing you have to say that I want to hear.”

Another bus pulled up just then and Shay was the first one to board. I watched as she marched to the back and took a seat, staring straight ahead.

Defeat and frustration washed over me. There’d been only a few times in my life when I’d felt this uneasiness in my spirit, knowing I’d hurt another person. Everything she said was off-base. So wrong, and I didn’t know how to convince her otherwise.

I don’t know how long I stood in the cold. It was only when someone approaching the bus stop bumped into me that I realized I’d remained frozen in place. It felt like my entire body had iced over.

When I returned to the house, both Mark and Sarah were waiting for me.

“Did you talk to her, Daddy?” Sarah asked, wide-eyed.

“I tried.” I sank onto the sofa and plowed my fingers through my hair, not knowing how to fix this.

Sensing my distress, Mark sat down next to me and patted my knee. “Girls are hard to talk to. I know.”

Grinning, I nodded. “You’re wise for your age.”

“What did you do when you had trouble talking to Mom?” he asked. “That might help.”

The fact that I was getting advice about girls from a thirteen-year-old spoke volumes. Certainly, Katie and I had had our share of differences through the years. One trick that seemed to work when she was hurt or upset was to kiss her. I strongly suspected that wouldn’t work with Shay. She was liable to punch me if I tried.

—

Sleep didn’t come easy that night. I didn’t expect to see Shay at church the next morning, and I was right.

Knowing I was heavyhearted, Sarah stood at my side following the service after the church had emptied. As was her habit, Linda Kincaid was one of the last to leave. She approached me with a concerned look.

“You weren’t yourself this morning, Drew. Something troubling you?”

Before I could answer, Sarah popped up. “He had a fight with Shay.”

Linda’s eye shot to mine. “I don’t think I realized the two of you were involved.”

“It wasn’t a fight so much as a misunderstanding.” I’d unintentionally hurt Shay and it bothered me to the point that even my congregation noticed something was wrong.

Linda patted my shoulder sympathetically. “It’s probably for the best.”

Her comment stunned me. “Why is that?” I asked, ready to defend Shay and needing to bite my tongue to keep from doing so. Linda had no idea how far Shay had come, the inner strength the woman had shown in the last year. She wasn’t the same woman I’d met all those months ago, seeking warmth in the back of the church, defiant and ready to lash out at the world for the unfairness of life. She was stronger now, finding her way, and I admired her more than any woman I had met since Katie. Knowing I’d foolishly lost her because of a simple misunderstanding, a lack of communication on my part, didn’t sit right with me. I felt off-kilter and lost as to how to make this right.

“Why?” Linda repeated. “Drew, really, I know you like Shay. I do, too, but you can’t deny her past.”

“I like Shay,” Sarah piped up. “She did my hair.”

Right away I could tell that Linda disapproved of Shay having anything to do with the children. She didn’t need to say it. I saw it in her eyes.

“That’s not how I look at people, Linda,” I said, doing my best to keep the emotion out of my voice. “Shay has come a long way, and as Christians we should be the first to encourage and support her.”

As I knew she would, Linda took a moment to consider my words. “You’re right, Drew. I apologize.”

Sarah tugged at my sleeve. “Daddy, that’s what you need to do with Shay. You need to apologize. Tell her you’re sorry and that you’ll never date Mrs. Rowden again.”

I wrapped my hand around my daughter’s shoulder and wished with everything in me that Shay would listen to my apology.

Linda left and I closed the church. As we walked to the house, Sarah had another idea.

“Can we take Shay for Chinese food? She likes almond chicken, but let her use a fork and don’t mention chopsticks.”

“Maybe that will work.”

As we approached the house, Sarah looked up at me, frowning. “If Shay is mad at you, does that mean she’s mad at me, too?”

“No, pumpkin.”

“Will she braid my hair again?”

“I don’t know.” It wasn’t in my heart to tell my daughter it was doubtful.

Sadness settled over me and I didn’t know if I was willing to accept that Shay was out of our lives. The problem was, I didn’t know how to make things right with her.

I attended worship service with Lilly Palmer on Sunday morning at her church. If she suspected anything was different with me, she didn’t ask and I didn’t volunteer. If she was waiting for me to spill my heart, then she had a long wait. From the time I could remember, men had used and abused me. I’d come too far for this. No way in hell was I going to let it continue. If I talked to anyone about what had happened between Drew and me it would be Lilly, but I wasn’t ready to tell anyone.

What had I been thinking? No way was someone like Drew ever going to be interested in someone like me. It was time I put on my big-girl panties and accepted that I’d been living in a fantasy world. I’d been entertaining visions of sugarplums and romance because his little girl liked the way I braided her hair.

What shocked me was that I’d believed I’d come so far only to realize how little progress I’d made. Well, no more. I’d wised up. Never again was I going to allow a man to mistreat me. I’d walked down that path for a good part of my life and it was over. I was wiser now. Stronger. The key was to remember the lessons I’d learned at the Hope Center and use them.

What surprised me was how quickly I’d reverted to my old ways when I’d assumed a man was interested in me. Despite all the texts, secret smiles, and gentle looks, Drew would never be romantically interested in me. I got it, I really did. But I should have gotten it a whole lot sooner.

When Sarah mentioned that her father had taken another woman on a date for lunch, I nearly blew a gasket. If I needed any evidence that I had grown emotionally in the last year, it was that I’d managed to keep my cool until Drew arrived home.

He’d been gone nearly three hours. He and his date must have enjoyed quite a lunch. Well, good for him. From what I understood, he’d been a widower for four years. It was time he got back in the game and started dating again. I wished him well.

—

Friday night was another Search & Rescue event with Seattle Gospel Mission. Lilly asked me to accompany her and I agreed, even though I had to be up by four-thirty to get to the café in time for the morning shift.

I left the café, ready to head home and prepare for a cold night on the street, seeking out the homeless to deliver food and hot drinks. I noticed Richard hanging outside the restaurant.

He wouldn’t be there if something wasn’t right. “Problem?” I asked, thinking Chuck might need help. His friend couldn’t stay away from the bottle.

His eyes grew sad. “Not good news, I’m afraid. I think I might have heard something about your brother.”

My heart slammed hard against my rib cage. “I don’t want to hear it,” I said, and then I couldn’t help myself, I had to know. “Is he alive?”

“What I heard is he’s doing hardcore drugs, selling and using.”

This was exactly what I’d expected. Best I keep him out of my life entirely before he dragged me down to his level. I’d learned my lesson with my brother and I didn’t need that kind of trouble in my life.

Before I could say anything more, Richard continued. “Person I spoke to said it’d been three months since he was last seen. Dwayne thinks your brother might have drifted south to California. Warmer there in the wintertime.”

Probably for the best. “Thanks for letting me know, Richard. It’s better for the both of us that we don’t have any contact with each other.” Rather than dwell on what was happening to Caden, I abruptly changed the subject. “Will I see you tonight?”