Her nose is starting to drip from crying so hard and I get a strange urge to use my sleeve to wipe it clean, the way I used to when she was a kid and I was too lazy to get a tissue. I get up from the sofa and head for the kitchen to get a paper towel. When I come back, her eyes are closed and her head is leaned against the back of the sofa. Her chest stutters as she draws in a deep breath.

I tap her arm to get her attention and she takes the paper towel from me. She shakes her head as she wipes her face clean.

“Take me back to the hospital. I’ll go with a foster family for a couple of days. I just don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“You’re not going to live with strangers. You’re staying with me tonight.”

“You can’t pretend that nothing is going to happen to you if you keep me here.” She turns to me and fixes me with an intense glare. “And you need to apologize to Senia and tell her everything, or I’m not living with you.”

I can’t help but chuckle at this threat. “You really like her, don’t you?”

“What’s not to like? She puts you in your place and she has the best drunk stories.”

“She does.”

I pull my phone out of my pocket to listen to Senia’s voicemail, when I notice I have a text from Elaine.

Elaine: Your girlfriend fell outside the hospital. She’s in the emergency room. It don’t look good.

Chapter Thirty-Six

I didn’t know love had a sound. I know that Senia’s tongue tastes like Tic Tacs, and, to me, that tastes like love. I know her neck smells like Ralph Lauren perfume. And I know the softness of her skin on every part of her body. But I guess you don’t really know the sound of love until you hear the sound of your heartbeat pounding in your ears when you’re worried about the one person you hope you never have to live without. The two people you can’t live without.

Molly and I race to the underground lot and jump into my car. The battery indicator on the dashboard is extremely low. I didn’t leave the car charging before I went to Vegas, then I drove the car from Cary to Raleigh, and to Chapel Hill. I won’t get far on what little charge I have left on this battery.

Fuck it. I have to at least try.

If I punch the accelerator too hard, the battery will wear down faster. So, as difficult as it is to restrain myself, I try to drive like Grandma Flo. I can’t fucking believe I left Senia there alone. What the hell is wrong with me?

The battery indicator goes down again and now it says I have twenty-one miles left on this charge. I punch in WakeMed on the GPS and my heart drops when I see it’s still twenty-three miles away. I have to find a shortcut somewhere.

“Molly, Google shortcuts. Look for open fields or parking lots that I can cut through. Hurry up!”

She pulls her phone out of her pocket and her fingers fly across the screen as she attempts to find a shorter path to the hospital.

“I don’t know! I don’t know what any of this means. I don’t know how to read a map!” she cries.

I take the phone from her hand and attempt to keep my eyes on the road as I also search the map on her phone for open spaces. There’s nothing I can cut through. The path to the hospital is almost a straight line. I’m fucked.

Twenty-seven minutes later, I pull my car into a Wal-Mart parking lot just in time to get it into a parking space before it dies. I yank the key out of the ignition and turn to Molly.

“As soon as I get out of the car, lock the doors. Call Jackie to pick you up. She should be home from Vegas. And if she’s not, call Elaine.”

I leave her my key so she can arm the car alarm, then I take off running in the direction of the hospital. The buildings and trees on New Bern Avenue are a blur in my peripheral vision as I haul ass down the sidewalk. And at that moment, it dawns on me. I should have responded to Elaine’s text to ask her to tell the hospital staff that Senia’s pregnant. Fuck!

I have to get to her. I have to tell them so they can make sure everything’s okay with the baby.

I’m thankful for all those morning workouts in my home gym because, by the time I reach the emergency-room entrance, I’m on such an adrenaline high, I still feel as if I could run a marathon if that’s what it took to get to her. I tumble through the sliding doors and into the emergency room and I’m not sure I’m making sense. But the nurse must understand all my frantic words and gestures because she leads me into Bay B of the emergency room. The curtains are drawn on most of the beds, and I want to tear them all open to find her, but I restrain myself. The nurse is looking straight ahead, so I have a feeling Senia is in the bed near the back of the room where the curtain is open.

I walk a few steps ahead of her and when we reach the last bed, the space is empty. There’s no bed or Senia.

“Where is she?”

The nurse looks confused. “Hmm … They must have moved her.”

She turns around and heads back toward the nurses’ station. “Why would they move her? Is she okay? What does her file say?”

She looks at the file in her hand and flips through a couple of pages. “She was unconscious when she came in. She presented with what looks like a broken finger and a pretty bad laceration and contusion on the back of her head.”

“And the baby?”

“She’s pregnant?”

“Yes! I thought I told you that.”

“No, you said you were her husband, but you never said she was pregnant.”

She power-walks the rest of the way to the nurses’ station and types something on her computer. When she finds the information she’s looking for, she dials a number on the desk phone.

“Yes, please let Dr Vartanian know that the patient is pregnant. Yes, thank you.” She turns to me before I can say anything. “They stitched up her head, but it’s lucky you got here when you did. They were about to give her a CAT scan. They’ll have to examine her first; make sure the baby’s okay.”

“When will I hear from them? Can I go there to be with her?”

“You can wait in the waiting room right outside there and I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything.”

I heave a deep sigh because I don’t want to believe the words I’m about to say. “My grandmother is in ICU – Florence Pollock. You can reach me in her room.”

I trudge through the hospital corridors, feeling so completely broken, it doesn’t even occur to me that I won’t find Elaine here. Grandma and the steady sound of air being pushed in and out of her lungs are the only things to keep me company now. Elaine must have gone to pick up Molly. I text Molly to make sure she’s okay, and she texts me back right away to say that Jackie never answered so she ran to the hospital right behind me. She’s just walking through the parking lot now.

I shake my head at her defiance as I take a seat in the chair next to Grandma’s bed. I can still feel the blood pulsing in my legs from the run over here. Stroking the soft skin on her arm, I try to think of something to say to her. What do you say to the person you never properly thanked for saving your life?

“Grandma?” I whisper. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but I want you to know that I’m sorry I didn’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me and Molly. I wish I would have told you this before I left to Vegas yesterday, but you’re the best mom I could have ever asked for. You made me believe that people could be good; that life could be good. You taught me that hard work isn’t always fun, but it always pays off.”

The beeping of the machine next to me is soothing as I think of my favorite memory of Grandma. “Remember my ninth birthday? We had just moved down here from Maine and, man, the weather is so much hotter here in August than it is over there. You invited a bunch of the neighborhood kids – kids I didn’t even know – and we all played hide-and-seek in the backyard for hours. When it was time for the cake, you told me I had to count to three before I made a wish. And you know what I wished for? You’ll get a kick out of this. I wished for Molly to stop throwing up on me.”

I whip my head around at the sound of footsteps. It’s Molly, and Elaine is standing at the doorway. Molly closes the door on Elaine and I’m so thankful for Molly’s strength.

Tears stream down her face as she pulls up a chair next to me. “Did I stop barfing on you?”

I wrap my arm around her and she rests her head on my shoulder. “Yeah, you did, but I think it had more to do with the fact that Grandma knew how to take better care of you.” But that didn’t stop me from believing that counting to three was the secret to making all my wishes come true.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

When I walk into Senia’s room, she’s awake and staring at the ceiling. She tries to turn her head at the sound of my voice, but the pain stops her. I rush to her side and I don’t care if she can see the tears in my eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper as I lean in to kiss her forehead. “I’m so sorry I left you behind.”

I grab her hand and she squeezes it against her chest. “The baby’s gone.”

“I know.” I smooth her dark hair away from her face and kiss her forehead again. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

She shakes her head and more tears slip loose from the corners of her eyes. “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have worn those stupid heels.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t even think that.” I squeeze her hand and clench my jaw as I try to stay strong for her.

“Where did you go?” she whispers. “Where’s Molly?”

“Baby, I need to tell you something.” Her eyes squeeze shut and I lean in to kiss the tears on her temple. “I need to tell you everything.”

And I tell her everything; so much more than I told Molly. I want her to know the darkest parts of me, because those are the parts that will make her want to leave. When I’m done, her nails are digging into my hand. I gently pry her fingers loose and brush the tears from her cheeks.

“I always thought that if anyone knew the truth, if anyone knew the real me, and the things I’m capable of, no one would love me, and what’s the point of letting someone fall in love with a lie. So it was easy – I never fell in love and I never spoke to anyone about it until today. I never had a reason to. But you give me so many reasons to do things I never thought I could do. I just want to be better for you. I want to be better in your eyes.”

“I hate that bitch now and I’m so sorry I questioned you when you left.” I chuckle a little at this passionate response, but Senia’s face is full of anguish. “Now I know why you go from perfect to jerk in two seconds flat. But I’m sorry I ever doubted you. And I’m sorry if I ever doubt you in the future. I’m sure this will come as a total surprise to you, but I’m not perfect either. I mean, I’m practically defective now.”

“You’re not defective. Your CAT scan said your head was still perfect.” I brush my thumb across her cheekbone and she latches onto my hand. “Perfect in every way.”

“I’m not talking about my head,” she says, heaving a deep, exhausted sigh.

“I know. But you didn’t lose the baby because you’re defective. It happened because life isn’t perfect. Not you.”

“Lie with me?”

It takes me a moment to figure out how to lower the side rail on her bed, then she carefully turns onto her side so I can scoot in next to her. She lays the side of her head on my chest as I wrap my arm around her shoulders. I stroke her arm for a while, trying to pretend I can’t hear her crying.

“I had names picked out already.”

“What names?”

“Kalen for a girl and Cross for a boy.”

“I like Kalen, but I can’t agree to Cross.”