“I can’t do this.”

She grabs my arm before I can leave and whispers in my ear: “How the fuck are we supposed to get out of here if you won’t help me? I need you, Tristan. I need to get out of here.”

I glance over my shoulder and the blonde girl is staring at me now, looking a little rejected. “I don’t know how to do this.”

Elaine smiles softly. “I’ll show you how.”

Chapter Eighteen

Once Senia is settled in the study with her laptop and a phony sense of contempt for my games, I inform her that I’m leaving and I’ll be back in about an hour. She looks a bit disappointed, but, again, she tries to cover this up with a casual goodbye. I hop in the Lightning and, I’ll admit, I’m really excited about picking up Grandma and Molly. It would have been more convenient to have Senia pick them up on the way here, but I forgot that Claire’s tiny car would probably be full of Senia’s stuff. This is beyond all right because I’m dying to see Molly and Grandma’s faces as we pull into the driveway.

When I arrive at Grandma’s house, Molly and Grandma are standing outside under the darkening sky with their coats pulled tightly against the cold. Molly looks bored, but Grandma’s face lights up the moment she sees my car. She must have forced Molly to wait outside with her.

“We are ready to be entertained,” Grandma declares as she practically trots down the path toward the curb.

Molly rolls her eyes and I grab the back of her coat to pull her aside before she can climb into the backseat. “Hey, I need you to not be in a mood today. Senia moved in with me this morning and I want Grandma to have a nice visit with us. Okay?”

She narrows her golden-brown eyes. “In a mood? What does that even mean? You want me to pretend to be happy?”

As much as I want this meeting between Senia and Grandma to go smoothly, I can’t tell her to pretend to be something she’s not. “No. I’m just asking you to remember that Senia picked you up when you were shit-faced and we never said a word about it to Grandma.” She casts her gaze downward at the grass and I glance over her shoulder at Grandma, who’s waiting patiently in the car. I grab Molly’s shoulder and plant a kiss on her forehead. “It’ll be okay, Moon. Come on.”

Grandma’s leg bounces nervously the whole drive there, but the moment I pull into the semi-circular driveway, she freezes. “This is yours?”

I nod as I pull the car up next to the front steps. I want to say, It can be yours, too. I want to offer Grandma and Molly a place in my home, but I know Molly is dead set against changing schools and I don’t want to cause her or Grandma any more stress.

Grandma’s starry-eyed as I open the front door and she steps inside. “This is yours?” she repeats the question and this gets a small chuckle out of Molly.

“Tristan, is that you?” Senia shouts from the kitchen. “A delivery guy just came with—” Senia’s surprised by us when she steps out of the kitchen. She glances at her T-shirt and short shorts and the embarrassment blooms in her cheeks. “Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing your family? Oh my God. I’m so embarrassed.”

“They delivered the pizza?” I ask her, but she’s too busy being mortified.

I look at Grandma and she’s smiling. “I remember you,” she says to Senia. “You’re the one who got drunk at Molly’s birthday party.”

Senia looks even more embarrassed now, if that’s even possible. “I’m so sorry. I had a drinking problem my freshman year. I’m so sorry.”

Grandma chuckles and waves away Senia’s apology. “Better to live life than watch from the sidelines.”

I’ve heard Grandma spout this droplet of wisdom plenty of times, but Senia looks surprised by the response. And even more surprised when Grandma Flo takes her into her arms. She wraps her arms around Grandma’s shoulders and bites her lips as she instantly begins to tear up. She looks to me, her eyes pleading for some kind of guidance as to what she should do. All I do is nod and I think she knows what I mean: Grandma knows about the baby.

Grandma lets her go and her face scrunches up as she attempts to hold back her tears. “Woo! I need a drink. Tristan, fix your Grandma a whiskey sour, please.”

Senia gives Molly and Grandma a tour of the house while I fix her a drink and set out some plates for the pizza I had delivered. By the time they get back, Grandma has her arms hooked in Senia’s and they’re giggling like schoolgirls as they approach the dining table in the breakfast nook.

They all take their seats at the table and Grandma sits between Senia and I while Molly sits on my other side. Senia appears as if she’s still on the verge of tears as she distributes slices of pizza to everyone. Finally, I grab Molly’s hand and she glares at me.

“Moon, Senia and I are having a baby.”

She shakes her head and chuckles. “What? Are you kidding me?”

“No,” I reply seriously and she turns to Senia.

Her eyes widen at the sincere look on Senia’s face, then she yelps so loud I think I may need to get my hearing checked after this dinner. “OMG!” she whispers. “I’m gonna be an aunt.”

And once her tears begin, Senia and Grandma are free to join in. Jesus Christ. I’m going to have to escape all this estrogen soon or I may have to call up Chris and gab about my feelings for Senia.

Yeah, right.

An hour later, we’ve all gorged ourselves on pizza and baby talk. I offer Grandma and Molly the guest rooms to stay the night, but Grandma insists I take them home. I think she thinks she and Molly are intruding on my and Senia’s alone time. She doesn’t know that Senia and I have agreed to keep things friendly until we can figure out how we’re going to raise this surprise baby.

After I drop them off and return home, I find Senia asleep on the sofa with the Science Channel playing on the TV. I turn off the TV and try not to grunt as I pick her up and carry her upstairs to her bed. I lay a soft kiss on her nose and quietly make my way out.

As I close the bedroom door behind me, I realize that I’ve changed. In the span of just a few weeks, I’ve gone from kicking girls out of my house to lovingly tucking them into the bed in my guest room. I sigh as I head for my bedroom with a pang of dark fear twisting inside my belly. Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.

Chapter Nineteen

Our last five days of recording go smoothly. We wrap up the Friday before Christmas and return to my house to celebrate. I’m not surprised to find Senia and Claire already hanging out in the kitchen. As Chris, Claire, Jake, and Rachel discuss Jake and Rachel’s wedding in the kitchen, I invite Senia into the living room to watch some TV. The Science Channel is showing a special on black holes and Senia quietly takes a seat next to me on the sofa to watch.

I’m not really watching the show. I keep stealing glances at the smooth skin on her legs and the way she subconsciously lays her hand protectively over her belly. I want to move her hand so I can place my hand there, but I’m pretty sure she’s not far along enough for the baby to kick. But how awesome will it be to feel my little guy inside of her.

Once Jake and Rachel go through my last five beers as she attempts to beat him at a beer-guzzling contest, Chris and Claire offer to go and pick up some more.

“I’ve got more in the fridge in the guest house. Come on. I’ll show you,” I say to Chris and he shrugs as he follows me outside.

I don’t really need to show him where I keep the beer in the pool house and he knows that. I just need to talk to him.

After some small talk about whether our manager, Xander, is going to call us back to re-record something, I unlock the door to the guest house and turn on the lights. Chris heads straight for the refrigerator of the studio and I wait by the front door.

“I don’t know what to get Senia for Christmas.”

Chris glances at me over his shoulder as he grabs two six-packs of Sam Adams out of the fridge. “You haven’t done that yet?”

“Hey, I’m not Mr. Monogamy like you. I don’t know how to do this shit.”

“So you’re not fucking anyone else?” he asks as he makes his way out of the kitchenette.

He pushes a six-pack into my chest and I contemplate this question. I haven’t fucked anyone since Chrissy on Thanksgiving. Well, unless you count the girl who worked at the grocery store that I hooked up with a few days ago, whatever her name was. She ran out to give me one of the bottles of Gatorade I dropped in the store and, one thing led to another, but Senia and I haven’t had sex since Yogurtland last month. It’s a poor excuse for a terrible wrong, not at all made right by the fact that Senia and I aren’t actually a couple yet, or the sickening regret that kept me awake that night.

Fuck. I’m such an asshole.

“No. I’m not fucking anyone else.” From here on out.

Chris looks skeptical as we make our way past the pool toward the patio. “Then bare your fucking soul. Give her something that will only mean something to the two of you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“You’ll figure it out.”

Senia and I arrive at Grandma’s house a little before noon on Christmas Day. Senia insists we need to arrive early so she can help Grandma cook. Since she had to lie to her family and say she was spending Christmas with Chris and Claire, I have to do as she says. Besides, it’s kind of cool to watch her and Grandma laughing as they chop onions while I imagine the beat of my baby’s heart as the background music.

When the food is simmering, Senia sends Grandma out of the kitchen to get some rest and calls me in to replace her. The sight of her in one of Grandma’s aprons is weird, but strangely sexy.

“Can you set the table? We need plates and silverware, and bowls for the pumpkin soup.”

“Pumpkin soup?” I say, coming up behind her as she stirs the soup on the stove. She pushes my left hand away, but I reach forward and slide my right hand over her abdomen. “You can’t stand in my grandmother’s kitchen, in that apron, barking orders at me, carrying my child, and not expect me to want to touch you. You can’t expect me to not feel like I have some … claim on you.”

She lets out a deep sigh as I press my chest against her back. “Tristan …” Her voice is breathy and full of longing. “Please don’t say stuff like that. It makes me want to either punch you or tear off your clothes. And I can’t tell which one I want to do more.”

I slide my hand down and she freezes, but I quickly pull my hand back. “I guess we’ll find out soon.”

Grandma Flo makes us give thanks before we eat, the way she always does before every Christmas and Thanksgiving dinner, and Senia seems to be a pro at it.

“Thank you for the food and for inviting me into your home.” She turns to Molly and they both smile. “Thank you for reminding me how much I never want to get drunk again. There are better ways to get wild. Trust me.” She winks at Molly and I shake my head. “Thank you, Mrs. Pollock, for giving me a place to celebrate Christmas – somewhere I can be myself.” Grandma smiles a crooked smile that seems to be masking whatever anguish, emotional or physical, she is feeling. “Tristan,” Senia begins as she turns to me. She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

“What?” I prompt her, but she closes her mouth and eyes and doesn’t speak.

When she opens her eyes, I expect her to be crying. She seems to cry at the drop of a hat these days with all those hormones coursing through her. “Excuse me,” she whispers as she rises from her chair and heads for the front door.

I follow after her and she stands on the porch steps where I just finished clearing the snow an hour ago, waiting for something. “What’s wrong?” She shakes her head and I step down onto the step below her so we’re almost eye-level. “Talk to me.”