“I loved you,” she said with a hiccup.

“I loved you. We have to move on. You’re going to find the right guy.” He grinned at her. “And have brunch at the Monaco every Sunday!”

“I can’t move on until you forgive me. I didn’t do it to hurt you, I swear to God. I did it to save myself.”

Despite all his effort, he felt that ache in his throat that signaled the threat of choking sobs. “I know,” he said in a breath.

“Please tell me you understand.”

“I think I do,” he said. And then he borrowed Ginger’s words. “I think I see how I was complicit. I do forgive you. Can you forgive me? I guess I wasn’t easy.”

“Oh, yes, I forgive you, of course.” She wiped at her eyes. “If we could run away somewhere, away from farms and modeling jobs and everything, we could be happy, I know we could.”

He shook his head. “Nah, it wouldn’t work. Neither one of us should try to be someone else.”

“I guess that’s right,” she said. “Will we be friends?” she asked.

He smiled. “What would we do as friends, Natalie? Maybe go out dancing some night?” He shook his head. “Tell you what, kiddo. I’ll be in the biology department now and then. If the coffeepot is on, we’ll visit for a few minutes. Catch up. But you don’t have to invite me to your wedding.”

“Because you’re not inviting me to yours,” she said. It was not a question.

“I don’t think we’re inviting anyone,” he said with a laugh. “We’ve both had first marriages that didn’t work very well. It’ll be small and efficient. Then, with luck and experience, we’ll work on what it means to be partners. But you? You’ll be fine. You’ll find the kind of guy exactly right for the kind of girl you are.”

“So you really forgive me?”

“Sure. Yes. Doesn’t mean I’m not sad about it, but I share responsibility. We married the wrong people, Natalie.”

“Okay,” she said. “Okay. At least you’re not threatening to call the police or anything.”

He laughed at her. “I was still mad. I’m not mad anymore.”

She put a hand on his chest. “I wish we had a second chance,” she whispered.

She really was a sweet girl. So pretty. He kissed her forehead. “No, you don’t. Go on now. Start over. You deserve something that really works for you.”

She smiled. She stood and walked away alone.

Matt sat in the canvas chair for a long time. He heard her car start. A minute or two later he saw her white BMW turn at the road. He sat another minute. Then he folded the canvas chairs, attached them to the storage device that slid neatly under the RV and went inside.

He hoped Ginger would like this RV. The living room was comfortable with a soft leather sectional and recliner. The kitchen was compact but completely functional, the bathroom large, the master bedroom with queen-size bed was spacious. This one had a deep closet rather than narrow wall units. He wanted her to be okay with this, he really did. But if she didn’t love it he would find whatever it took because this time he was going to listen.

He sat down on the sofa and leaned back. They never would have made it, he and Natalie. Now, a couple of years later and a little wiser, he wondered how he ever thought they could. After all this time blaming Natalie, he wondered if the whole thing had been his fault.

But there had been a child. Maybe it had been a little girl with Natalie’s puffy, pouty lips and large eyes who would beg him to read one more story. Or a son who would ride on his shoulders and try to smuggle newborn lambs out of the lambing pens. A child of his own, a child who’d love him no matter how narrow-minded or difficult he was, just the way he loved Paco.

He felt the tears well up. Then he felt the waterworks turn on, a gulley washer, flowing down his cheeks. His nose followed suit and he wiped a shirtsleeve across it several times. All illusions about his relationship with Natalie were gone.

But there’d been a baby. A child of his own.

And for the first time since it had happened, Matt grieved.

Twenty

It was mid-August, school was starting in a couple of weeks and the night air had already chilled in Thunder Point. The flower shop was cool and Ginger wore a sweater. Grace had gone with Troy for some lunch. Soon Troy would be teaching again and his days would be spent at the high school.

Her cell phone rang. She looked at the display and saw it was Matt. She smiled broadly as she answered. “Well now, I hardly ever hear from you at this time of day!”

“I wanted to hear your voice,” he said. “I wanted to thank you for being the wonderful, thoughtful, sensitive woman you are.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. Are you coming down with a cold?”

“No, just a little sinus thing, I guess. Ginger, you were right. I had a conversation with Natalie. She heard I was getting married and she came to the farm. I...uh...made sure she would hear the news. I phoned the head of the biology department and told him I was getting married. I thought it might get her attention.”

Ginger was quiet for a moment. “And? Is she all right? Are you?”

“I made some terrible mistakes, I think. I know I did. I thought the life I chose for myself should have nothing to do with her. I never really listened to her. I treated her like a malcontent. A bitchy wife. It was like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. She was driven to such desperate measures.”

“Oh, Matt...”

“I was so busy being angry I never tried to understand what really went wrong. I swear to God, I won’t let that happen to us, Ginger.”

“You must be devastated,” she said.

“She wanted another chance. Can you even imagine what a mistake that would be?”

“I know,” she said softly. And she did know. It had been the same with Mick. If she had never wanted a traditional marriage and family, they could have been happy together for a long time. Of course, Mick needed someone who could be happy helping him achieve success in the music industry and there weren’t many women out there who could sacrifice all their own desires for someone else’s. How was that any different from women who married doctors or businessmen who single-mindedly concentrated on their own success and ignored their families? “I guess no one needs a marriage that leaves them lonely.”

“Lonely and disappointed,” Matt said. “No matter how many times she told me she just couldn’t be happy married to a farm, I didn’t listen to her.”

“Farmer,” Ginger said. “You mean, married to a farmer.”

“No, I meant farm. She needed my commitment and attention. I gave it to the farm instead. And then...and then there was a child who was lost.” His voice became thick again. “I think I would have liked being a father.”

It wasn’t some sinus thing, she realized. He was crying. Grieving. He tried to mask it but the revelation had taken an emotional toll. He regretted his mistakes in the marriage but he grieved the loss of his child. If she knew anything about Matt, and she thought she knew him pretty well, he hadn’t allowed himself to grieve before now.

“You will be a father,” she said. “You’ll be a wonderful father.”