“It just wasn’t going to work, we both knew it. I wouldn’t change, she wouldn’t change. But something happened that finished it. No one knows about this. Natalie had an abortion. She was planning to keep it a secret, sell it to me as a heavy period, but it got bad, she got scared and I had to take her to the emergency room. I left her right after that, as soon as I was sure she was okay. She had gone too far. I was angry and I was through.”

Ginger was speechless. She noticed that Matt had to look away to compose himself. She said nothing for a little while. “Your baby,” she finally whispered.

“Ours. And it meant nothing to her.”

“Oh, Matt. I’m so sorry. How did you find out?”

He took a breath. “I came home one day and found her in bed, gripping her belly with cramps, crying. She was white as a ghost. She said her period was so bad she was scared she was bleeding to death. It was a lot of blood, staining the sheets and a towel and her clothes. I took her straight to the emergency room. I hear a buzzing in my ears when I remember her telling the doctor she’d had a procedure that day and told him who performed that procedure, and heard the doctor say that he’d examine her but a routine D&C for an abortion was often followed by heavy bleeding for several hours. And for a while I just shut down.”

“Dear God.”

“They looked at her, said it had already slowed down, suggested she stay off her feet for a day and if it didn’t get considerably better to come back. They gave her instructions—watch for fever, severe cramping, hemorrhage...I helped her get dressed and took her home but I couldn’t even look at her. I couldn’t speak. She cried and yelled all the way home about how miserable her life was, how unhappy she was and how she felt trapped by getting pregnant. She didn’t know what else to do. I left her the next day, as soon as I was sure she was not going to die.” He gave a lame shrug. “That’s pretty much it. It was already terrible and then it got worse. And these were things I should have known. I should have known how bad it could get.”

“Or she should have,” Ginger said.

“My family can’t ever know about that. They’d hate her.”

“Is there a reason they should still hold her dear? I mean, are they going to run into her at the State Fair livestock show or something?”

“No, it’s just...”

“It’s not just on her. You’re afraid they’ll blame you.”

“Maybe I am,” he said. “It blindsided me, that’s for sure. I felt like a failure and a fool. And of course I knew in five minutes, you’re nothing like Natalie. There was no reason for me to be afraid of getting close to you.”

“Oh, I don’t think you were, Matt. You just weren’t quite done with the last relationship. It’s understandable if you need a little time to be sure you’re ready. You’ve been through a rough time. And with no one to talk to.”

“I couldn’t talk about it. I was too angry. I’m still angry. That was wrong, what she did. And I hate her for it.”

“I can imagine. It must hurt so much. I think you were right in the first place—you and Natalie married the wrong people. No one understands that better than I do—I did that, too. I should have known better. I wish I could explain what makes us blind and deaf to reality.”

“Let me ask you something. Are you afraid of what your life could become with me?” he asked, reaching out and tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Of course not. But see, I wasn’t afraid of what I’d become with Mick, either. I wanted a different life when I married a man who said he would never go that route. Oh, we have so much in common, Matt,” she said, shaking her head sadly. “I wanted Mick to turn into a domesticated husband and father when he promised me from the start that was never going to happen. You wanted Natalie to do the same thing when all she wanted was to get you off the farm.”

“And how is that my fault?”

“Oh, Matt, my sweet, sweet Matt. It’s not about fault. It’s just about understanding. We’re all part of the equation, we’re complicit. Not to blame, but participants. I told Mick I wanted a family and he said, ‘Knock yourself out, but you know that guy in the supermarket with the baby strapped to his chest? I am never going to be that guy.’ He meant it and I didn’t hear him. What the hell was I thinking, being married to him, having a baby with him? What right did I have to expect things of him that weren’t possible? I had to forgive him. It’s kind of freeing.”

“I’ll never forgive her. I hate her. That was underhanded and selfish and cruel.”

She smiled at him. “It was, I agree. I love you, Matt,” she said. “I’ve been honest with you. I swear.” She couldn’t resist—she reached out and ran her fingers through that glorious hair.

“How could you forgive him?” he asked.

“Oh, he can still make me furious—for about twenty minutes. When he called me I was outraged by his self-centered idiocy. And then I just laughed at how predictable he is. I don’t have room in my life for hate. I tried it for a while. It didn’t work. And now I want to be with you and I don’t want hate to be part of what we have.”

“Then it isn’t going to drive you away knowing I’m still a little fucked up over my failed marriage?”

“You’d hardly be the first. It takes time to heal. And I think you’re going to figure it out real soon. At least you can finally talk about it.”

“I’m not sure talking about it got rid of the headache,” he said. “Might’ve been something else,” he said, grinning playfully, pulling down the sheet to expose her. He fondled her breast.

“Done talking, Matt?” she asked, humor in her voice.

“For now, I think. Are you? Done talking?”

“Depends. What’s the alternative?”

He took the beer from her hand and put it aside. He grabbed her around the waist and said, “Come over here and find out.” He pulled her close and just held her tight, held her like he was afraid to let go. After a little while he covered her body with his and smothered her with hungry kisses.

* * *

Ginger wasn’t sure what time it was, but she heard the back door open and close and smelled coffee brewing. Matt came into the bedroom with a small satchel in one hand, his phone in the other. “Your reputation is completely ruined,” he said.

“Is that so?”

“I went to my truck to get my phone and this bag. I went in my shorts, barefoot. There was a gray-haired woman a few doors down tossing trash in the Dumpster and she eyeballed me. I gave her a wave.”

“Carrie,” Ginger said. “She owns the deli. She’s close with Ray Anne.”

“So, that means she’ll call Ray Anne? Will that get Ray Anne upset, that I spent the night?”

“Are you kidding? Ray Anne thinks getting laid is a cure for almost anything.”

“I knew I liked her,” Matt said, dropping the bag and putting the phone down. He shed his boxers and climbed in. “Let’s cure a few things while the coffee perks.”

“You’re insatiable...” she murmured, acquiescing immediately.